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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Dreading Weekends / What Curfew for a 14/15 YO DD

8 replies

Lentils · 01/05/2019 11:19

Can anyone tell me what curfew they set for their 14/15 yo dd's in Y10? I dread weekends as dd always wants to be out. She doesn't really tell me what she's up to - and meets up with loads of kids I don't know. Curious to know what curfew you set for dds this age and how much you know what they are doing and how much they tell you.

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 01/05/2019 14:24

DD1 is in Y9, so perhaps I have all this to come next year, and it will be all different, but this is what we do at the moment.

She doesn't go out randomly with people I don't know at all, well, perhaps the exception would be say for the Christmas lights switch on in the local town, she went with a few friends and there were some other kids there they met up with who I don't know, or very well. They came back on the train (two stops) at about 8.30pm and we picked her up from the station.

Other than that she and her friends have parent-supervised parties and sleepovers. Usually all girls, they go to a girls school. Parties usually finish at 10pm and are held on a non-school night, I don't really have a curfew for when they have to be asleep at sleepovers, though I make sure there is nothing important on the next day. Sometimes they've been in bed by 10.30, sometimes DD has been up until all hours at friends houses.

If she was going out somewhere with friends later in the evening, say to the cinema or cafe I'd want to know exactly who with, who else was likely to be there, and would want her to be picked up either by me or another parent, not too worried about the time depending on what was happening the next day, but probably 10.30/11pm would be late enough.

Alone1971 · 01/05/2019 15:45

I have the same dilemma. ds has been going out 10am and returning reluctantly at 5pm at weekends. But I am putting a stop to this at the moment....smoking, vaping and worse has gone on amongst the group of kids he hangs out with. He's 13 so I am stepping in now and limiting time to 2 to 3 hours unless there are specific plans such as cinema. Hanging round streets/parks all day is not ideal for some kids who are easily led.

Whitelisbon · 01/05/2019 15:55

Dd is 16, and it depends where she is, who she's with, and what they're doing.
She has location sharing on Google maps, so I can see where she is anytime. Very rarely need it, but it's handy when she wants a lift somewhere.
She's not allowed to be on the bus after 9.30 at the weekend, so has to be home by then, or ask nicely for a lift.
I need to know who she's with (ie a few names, I always know a couple of them), what their plans are (normally "dunno, hanging about") and roughly where she is, as well as when she's expecting to come home.
She's regularly out with other kids I don't know - she's at school 10 miles away, and her friends are spread all over.
I trust her, and she knows, from experience, that if she mucks up, she loses trust for a while and has a lot more questions and a lot less freedom. She's only mucked up seriously once, got caught, and grounded for a long while, with very strict rules for a while afterwards.
The thing is, we live rurally, her friends are mainly in town, and spread round the (large) town at that, so it's difficult to juggle freedom and independence with keeping her safe!

AvengersAssemble · 01/05/2019 18:11

OP make it clear to her and stand your ground because she will continue to push and push if she thinks she will get away with it. I would discuss it and tell her the more open and honest she is with you so you know where she is, who she is with, so you can keep her safe, the longer she can stay out because she has showed you she can be trusted.

As an A&E Nurse, and as a parent of teenagers, I cannot begin to tell you how many kids we get brought in, because they have been up to no good, lied to their parents, or their parents did not give a shit.
Your DD wants to realise how lucky she is having you OP. Thanks

mcmen71 · 01/05/2019 18:18

I have same problem which causes me alot of anxiety I dont know any of her friends just their names as she changed school in Y11 She is 16 in July mostly out with bf and a group off friends. I normally let her stay out to 11pm friday and sat but 9pm on a school night. We live in country so she has to be dropped off and collected and constantly needs money.

MintyCedric · 01/05/2019 20:34

DD is 14.5, year 9.

I like to know where she's going, who with, what time she'll be back, which thus far has been 'before it gets dark) and how she's getting home.

Her outings are generally day time ones, apart from the occasional party when I'll pick her up.

Luckily the bus stop is at the end of our road and I work at her (all girls) school which makes things a lot easier, although there are boys on the radar lately so I may well be back to 'Teenagers' tearing my hair out in the not too distant future!

KingscoteStaff · 02/05/2019 06:24

Both of mine had enough sports training/matches and homework to make going out on a school night unfeasible

At weekends, the rule was a text/call before 10 to let us know they were on the way, then through the door by 11.

SnowsInWater · 08/05/2019 07:39

We live in Aus where I think in general kids don't grow up quite as fast Smile DD is 16 and in Y10. Like the PP school/homework ,often staying at the school library or getting onsite subject support/sport/after school activities mean zero time to go out during the school week. Weekend evenings she would only be out at night if going to a party where we or another parent would collect (10.30-11 latest) or the movies where she would probably be home by 9am. She meets friends to go shopping/lunch sometimes at the weekend or the beach in Summer but would always be home before dark.

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