How do you deal with unsuitable friends?

[BurnedToast]

DD aged 13 has a friend with loads of mental health issues. The issue that concerns me is the potential for violence towards dd as this girl has regular violent outbursts towards her parents, which on at least three occasions have required police intervention and being handcuffed .

The girl is alot bigger than DD and she would be badly hurt if put in that position. So far, all incidents have been directed at the parents so perhaps I'm over reacting, so I just need some feedback from fellow parents.

Dd sees this girl alone as they do not go to the same school. I'm just worried about my DD's safety and to be honest I don't want this friendship to continue. I feel awful saying that as my DD also has mental health issues (they met at a support group) but it's not on the same scale and this girls issues have become far worse. I know isolation is a big problem for children such as this and I never wanted to be that parent who wouldn't let my child hang out with the child with mental health issues, but this is down to safety.

Dd places alot of value on this friendship and doesn't agree with her friends actions. They talk daily on the phone and I would say dd is very reliant on this girl in terms of having a friend who understands her own issues. I don't think I can block the friendship at this age, but I am thinking of placing conditions such as they are only to see each other with an adult present. I would say its only to take place at my house, but the girl has decided she can't come to my house as we won't let her dog in (we have two cats). This has caused all sorts of issues but actually meant they saw less of one another as a result which worked for us. But I'm now thinking I should agree to the dog coming and they are only to see each other at my house.

I think that would work for now, but DD has started to go out more and I suspect she and this girl will do more out of the house stuff which I have less control over.

Is anyone out there?

Is there a way you can talk to DD. Maybe only have activities where you take them? Bowling so they would bowl Together and you sit aside with a drink?
Or they go to a cafe and you are at a table aside? Walking around the shops together for an hour but you're in the same area?

I don't think you should put your dad in a situation where she's vulnerable but if she is choosing to do so then it comes to a point of what ifs

X

Thank you. I think DD would let me do that to an extent and up to a certain period of time, but given she's 14 this year then it's probably not a long term solution. Dd doesn't want to see her friend at the moment as she doesn't agree with what's happened so I'll go with that. It's so hard to deal with this stuff with teens.

Perhaps some kindness?

If your DD is very different to this girl, then the friendship will fizzle on its own. In the meantime, maybe invite her round, be kind, get to know her. Maybe you can make a difference.

( sorry, I had missed the sentence about the dog/ house)
Need more coffee.....

Believe me, I know her well. I have spent lots of time and been far kinder than most parents would have been. As I said my DD has some mental health issues of her own bought on by grief. I have had parents tell their kids not to hang around with my dd as though it's catching. I always thought I wouldn't become that parent, but I'm struggling with that now due to the violence.

You sound like a brilliant parent OP. I think your Dd seems very sensible and will continue to make choices regarding her friends as she grows older. As long as she is able to make safe choices and is not someone who would be classed as an overly vulnerable person.
I'm sure she will be fine and you can always offer guidance and reassurance to her

Thank you. Your kind words are appreciated. I think your point about DD being able to make the right choice herself is really good. I hadn't thought of it like that as I'm in protection mode.