This has been going on for a while now, but today it's come to a head and I feel completely broken.
Two DD, 13 and 16. Both stay in their rooms all day and come out only for meals. I know this is "normal" teen behaviour, but this is a complete rejection. Honestly, if dh and me were to suddenly die they wouldn't know until the next meal. They'll go to their rooms after school and stay there only to come out to eat. No conversation of any sort EVER, but short annoyed answers if you ask them anything. But if THEY want to discuss or say something you have to drop everything and make conversation (and tbh I'm so starved of it that I respond at once), and then they'll talk and laugh at length like normal people. DD1 used to expect to be fetched when it was mealtimes (the placement of the rooms means that you can't shout up the stairs, you have to go upstairs and tap and let her know like a servant) but I stopped doing that. Even on Mothers Day that's what they did. One gave a card in the morning, and shut herself up for the rest of the day, and one gave one in the evening after not saying a word all day (later found out DH had asked to make card).
Today we had to go out somewhere and I got late meeting DD1 after it. She sent me whatsapp messages which I hadn't seen but she was enraged that it showed me as online (I was using the photo function on the app to take pics as they take up less memory than camera pics at a presentation I was at, I didn't know she had messaged me). Then she proceeded to blank me completely at this event we were at, looking away as if she was repulsed and standing as far away as possible. DD2 did the same because it was like getting validation to act like that in public too. On the way back I brought it up and DD1 said that it was because she felt I did it deliberately, and she doesn't have any faith that I wouldn't do something like that. Why would anyone think that about their own mother? I feel like such a failure, this is such a basic thing, if you can't trust your own family what even do we have. Why do they act like this. Once they see I'm really broken down they relent a little for all of five minutes, and then are back to this. It's not they act angry all the time, just uninterested and like tenants in the house who go about their own lives but need all the services.