How do you help a 14 year old through the heartbreak of a first breakup?

[Ihatemyseleffordoingthis]

Poor DS. Looks like it's on the rocks with "girlfriend" of 5 months.
Doesn't want to talk about it.

Very sad and, consequently, noisily stroppy. which is a pain in the arse

Oh bless him, it's bloody horrible the first time isn't it??

My Mum just told me I was being silly, which really hurt.

Her pal was ace, letting me cry and be dramatic and all those other things which as an adult I realise are ridiculous but as a 15 year old I was devastated and couldn't see past it.

I guess just let him get on with it, being quietly supportive?

Possible ideas (but you have to time them right)

Commiserating
Listing her annoying habits (lightheartedly)
Listing HIS annoying habits (in a fun but useful way)
Doing things he "couldn't" while with her, eg if she didn't like heights going on a rock climb, eating food she hated type of thing
Teach him the value of "this too shall pass" he won't always feel sad and he won't always feel heartbroken.

It's part of life and part of learning how to handle adult relationships not just romantic ones.

Remind him though that he is to still treat her with respect and not bad mouth her to others. That a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell

Not much really! Esp if he doesn't want to talk about it.

Maybe just sit on the end of his bed and say something along the lines of 'sorry, I know it hurts, there isn't anyone in the world who hasn't experienced this feeling, that it's part of life unfortunately and that one day he'll break someone's heart and this experience will teach him how he should handle that moment, tell him you love him, that you are proud of him and then leave and give him space?

I very much like and agree with what @Graphista said, maybe try and drop in the line about still treating her with respect and to be dignified about it all.

Just had a chat.

Not clear on the details, it's apparently not exactly over yet but he thinks she's cooling off. Underlined the "be respectful/don't be an arsehole/accept it if necessary" thing, illustrating with amusing examples of idiot boys I knew at school.

What a lovely mum you sound. And how lovely that he is even slightly open to talking to you about this stuff.

Aww.

Good advice here. I agree you do sound like a lovely mum (and so does Graphista)

Aww thank you. (Not sure 18 to dd agrees certainly not all the time)

Broke my heart seeing dd go through her first broken heart far harder than going through it myself bloody awful but they have to go through it unfortunately.

But yea it's shit and it's usually for many parents the first time we're completely powerless to "make it better" and they're in real pain. Horrible.

Tell him your always there if he needs a hug or a chat. Take him to cinema or bowling tell him to meet up with other friends. At this age they change bf and gf quite often and it hurts to watch our kids sad about it

I would back off, sounds like he knows you’re there if he wants to chat. Resist slagging her off, my mum used to do that when I had breakups and it felt as though she was criticising my choices in partner, and in turn, me.

Oh I'm certainly not going to say mean things about her, and I hope he won't either.

He's still a bit crap at organising stuff with people (but will suggest a primary school mates trip to Endgame at the local fleapit) but I know he's kind of keeping his weekend free in case she is....

Lots of hugs, if he'll let you.

Lots of reminders of what's great about him.

A few carefully-timed stories of your own past relationships and the things you learned from them / from their endings.

A clear code-word for moments when he needs to talk but isn't sure how to bring it up / where to start (I use this with DSS for anything in general he needs to talk about but feels awkward beginning – it's like a 'drop-everything and put the kettle on' summons to a private huddle)

Distractions.

Clear message that it's fine to feel however he's feeling, it'll come in waves, and the best thing to do is just fully feel all the feelings until they're finished needing to be felt.

Echoing what PPs have said above - you sound great, and as though you have a really lovely relationship with your son

How is your ds