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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Rude teenage daughter

12 replies

bigcomfypants · 24/04/2019 09:02

I feel I may have things out of proportion and would appreciate advice.
DD14 is almost 6 foot, very athletic, looks much older and is often taken for 18/19. On the whole she is well behaved and good company, likes playing outside, doing sports, cooking, cleans her room, does her school work and chores etc. But she is so bloody rude to me! Dismissive, ignored me, says I am irritating, rolls her eyes - normal teenage stuff. I told her and DS that as a reward for hard work - Ds is in gcse revision mode and been studying very hard - and good behaviour I’d take them and some friends to a local theme park on Friday. Both delighted and very good. I spoke to the friends parent on Monday night and as soon as I was off the phone - all the rudeness starts again.
I lost my temper a bit last night as she refused to come down stairs and was throwing herself about complaining we’re the worst family in the world, we are embarrassing, all we do is argue (not true), DH is a maniac who needs psychiatric help, I am a control freak who should be locked up, it was relentless. We ignored it for the most part but I did take away her iPad and phone and said “if this is how you treat me, why would I spend my day off taking you and your friends out” which made her really cross.
I am at a loss. DS has had his moments but she seems to want to cut her nose off to spite her face.
Would you take her?
Please be kind, I am exhausted, I have a disability which has flared up and and DH who’s mental heath is poor, I feel a bit anxious and would really appreciate some advice, I normally parent really confidently but don’t know what is best with this big gorgeous awkward girl.

OP posts:
bigcomfypants · 24/04/2019 09:03

I should say I took them out for tea yesterday and we redeemed a Xmas gift voucher so she had a really nice day before the tantrum, I am just tired and want a nice day.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 24/04/2019 09:04

I would punish dd by not taking her or her friends to this trip. She shouldn’t be rewarded for bad behaviour

dancemom · 24/04/2019 09:07

I have a teenage DD and wouldn't stand for these things being said to me. No way would I take her or her friends on a trip.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/04/2019 09:08

NO WAY would I take her. You really need to impress that her shit behaviour has consequences. I wouldn't have tolerated her nonsense for a second when my children were her age.

Inniu · 24/04/2019 09:11

14 year old girls can be like toddlers sometimes. Try not to engage in arguments and ignore as much as you can. A simple “I don’t like it when you speak to me like that” and then stop reacting.
I would still take her out unless the flare up means you can’t

bigcomfypants · 24/04/2019 09:11

I agree, it is just very short lived. 10-20 minutes of hellish rude behaviour after 12 hours of an absolutely lovely girl who has cooked a big family breakfast, done 2 hours homework, sorted the family laundry, played badminton with her dad. I find the shock of her sudden rages quote shocking. I think hormones play a part (I’m not excusing it) and the constant demands on her as she looks so much older than she is.

OP posts:
bigcomfypants · 24/04/2019 09:12

Yes, that is my tactic “stop being so rude”, ‘don’t be unkind’ etc. I have only lost my temper a bit last night because she was so mean.

OP posts:
Nigel23 · 24/04/2019 09:14

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mcmen71 · 24/04/2019 09:41

there is another helpful thread on teens affecting your mental health which you might find helpful. You are lucky that you only have the odd 10 minute outbursts. I know its hurtful what she says but you know deep down she doesn't mean it and if you have already told the other kids you are taking them, I wouldn't cancel you are very lucky she is letting you go with her and her friends as most teen would just want the money to go with their friends by themselves.

bigcomfypants · 24/04/2019 14:39

Thank you
Today she is contrite. She cooked a big breakfast for everyone, washed everything up, hoovered, and is now baking her dads favourite cookies. She has also apologised profusely and promised it will never happen again. She does this every time.
I love her so much, she is so kind and gentle I find it all so difficult. She was so unkind and if anyone else in the world spoke to me that way I wouldn't do anything for them. But she does seem like a big toddler a lot of the time and I feel the demands society places on her are unreasonable and she reacts badly.
I don't know what's best. I'll read that thread thank you

OP posts:
cdtaylornats · 24/04/2019 14:48

Buy a water pistol - if she gets annoying give her a quick squirt.

RavenLG · 24/04/2019 16:24

Take her and her friends to the theme park but absolutely kick off her with / be rude / roll your eyes / tantrum the way she does with you. Maybe it'll teach her a lesson Grin

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