Advice

[littlebillie]

My Ds 14 has a close group of friends who come over and last week we had a sleepover pizza films etc. Yet in the last week he has been excluded from two large parties sleepover and a event party.

I am so sad to see him excluded and don't know why WWYD - you you ask a parent in the group?

No. At 14 it isn't down to the parents who is invited, it is down to the dc.
Quite frankly I'm surprised that a) these are happening for 14 yr old lads and b) you are aware that they are happening.

Instagram and FB

Stay out of it.

There may be a reason he isn't getting invited.

Okay - how do I help him

The group come here by they don't get invite him back

Okay - how do I help him

Why does he need help?

I would have thought it was obvious why a parent would want to help in this situation, like most people he’s probably upset seeing his friends having a good time when he’s not invited and is the whole reason social media can be so damaging. If he hadn’t known about these events his feelings wouldn’t have been hurt, however, it does exist and can’t be ignored, especially by that age group. I would try and distract him (lunch out, cinema, shopping) whatever he likes, whilst quietly bolstering his self confidence and opinion of himself. Not putting his friends down but just playing the ‘this will pass’ or ‘friendships change all the time’ cards. It is sad for him and it is painful but it is temporary and he will survive. If you get involved it won’t help.

would have thought it was obvious why a parent would want to help in this situation,

What situation? That he hasn't been invited to certain things? Shit, that's commonplace among teenagers. OP hasn't said their is a problem from the FC point of view but simply she is 'sad'. Teenagers have all sorts of movie nights, sleepovers, parties etc and they don't all invite everyone to everything. He may not have been invited to someone's sleepover this week, but he might be going next. They are not 4 years old and being excluded.

*DC

It may be a blessing in disguise if they are anything like the parties that happen in my Ds's year (year 10). There is plenty of alcohol and cannabis at their parties. Ds has possible sen so he doesn't go to any but is aware of what goes on. In his year just before Easter four boys were permanently excluded for bringing cannabis into school. That brought the school total to thirteen children permanently excluded for drugs this term alone.

Ds's sen means that he is very socially isolated but I'm actually really glad he doesn't go to these big house parties. Plenty of time for all that when they are older and more mature.

Thanks for the advice, I am fully aware he is not 4 but his emotional well-being is still my responsibility.

But you haven't actually said there is a problem from his perspective. You have just said you are sad.

I don't think you fully understand how teenagers things work. It's not the same as primary school kids. There are lots of parties/sleepovers/events/gatherings. They don't all get invited to all. That doesn't mean they are being excluded, it just means they are not at that particular thing, but they may be at then next thing that person hosts.

Thanks for the advice, I am fully aware he is not 4 but his emotional well-being is still my responsibility.

At 14, your responsibility is to teach him to be responsible for his own emotional wellbeing. In 4 years time he will be an adult and he will have to work with the tools you have given him. It doesn't happen overnight: get cracking.