Dd curfew

[mummabear11]

what's your guys's curfew for your dds at 16, 17 in November, just curious! she's moaning at us for not letting her linger around the local town for hours at night!

I've never had a set time for any of my dc (youngest is 17 now).
It depends where they are / what they are doing.
No point in saying they have to be in a 10pm every night, if they are going to something that doesn't finish until 10 (or 10.30). OTOH, I wouldn't want them "hanging around" , with no place to be and no thing to do even earlier in the evening.
All about talking with them and agreeing what is sensible for that night / that occasion, when you are talking about how they are getting home / when homework is being done / etc.,etc.

9pm here, 10 if they've been at a friend's house. There's nothing at all for them to do after about 8.30 so any longer than this means they'd be likely to get mixed up in something I don't want them mixed up in.
16yo is fine with this but his brother wasn't at the same age.

Didn't really have a curfew for mine at that age if they were at a party or round someones house. However, just hanging around town is a completely different thing and I'd want them in by 10 at the latest.

At that age it was around 11pm if I had school the next day - otherwise it was dependent on what it was doing.

DS13 currently is not let out of the house unless I'm with him. In the past months he's been asking for more independence. I'm not ready for him to be alone. I told him one day I'll be out of his hair but I don't know when.

That’s a bit harsh at 13!! How does he get to school? Does he literally go nowhere without you?

Ds is 16, 17 next month. He’s at college rather than school, if that makes any difference. I’ve never given him a curfew as such. I just tell him to have fun, and be quiet if he comes in late! It’s on him to be up and at college the next day (or not, I guess, but it’s never happened). He’s a responsible lad, so I guess if he wasn’t then I’d parent differently. Also think (sexist as it might be) that I’d worry more with a dd.

At that age my DDs tended to not really go out too late during the week as they had loads of schools work. They sort of self selected to be in by around 10. At the weekends they would stay out later. I didn't really give them a curfew. We live rurally so often they stayed with friends at the weekend or they had friends to stay here. They didn't do much hanging about outside.

@SuperMommy63 oh honey, you're trying to pull our legs arnt you?

*SuperMummy63
*
You never let your 13yo go anywhere alone? Not even to friends homes? That's storing up a whole lot of woe for you when he gets older.

@SuperMummy63

Unless your DS has a load of additional needs, I would say your behaviour is borderline abusive.

@SuperMommy63 what??? I seriously hope you are joking. How on earth is your ds meant to prepare for adult life this is massively impeding his development and could on that ground potentially constitute neglect if you look at it that way. In any case you are going about it all the wrong way an op a 16 year old is basically an adult and doesn’t really need a curfew as they could legally move out.

DS is 16 school nights he’s to start heading home at 9 and be in before 10 (DD usually picks him up) weekends there’s no curfew but we do expect to know where he’ll be and if he’s coming home again if he is DD will usually pick him up

We've never had a curfew really, as not needed one. Dd has just turned 17y a couple of weeks ago, but it's been similar for a while now, she isn't one for linger around town or hanging out later at night in parks. They tend to be either going out proper with a set destination, or at someone's house. School nights she rarely heads out late anyway unless a specific reason, such as the cinema etc. She prefers to get home and get homework and revision sorted, to keep her weekends free.

Dh is much happier being able to pick her up, even if late, than her grabbing a taxi (quite dear due to living out of the city centre) or bus (not that frequent at night, and stop around 11:30) onher own - which would be the case as none of her friends actually live nearby. They are spread out all over. She does use them sometimes but is more than happy to have lifts too.

So tomorrow she's off to a gig at a local club. Gig finishes around 11ish, and - unless she decides she's staying over at her friends house - dh will collect her a bit after that nearby. He's been known to pick her up from friends around midnight/1am depending on what's happening. Though fortunately they often involve sleepovers as well. On bus she'd normally be home at a weekend around 10/10:30 after cinema or meeting friends for food.

But no set curfew. I'm just glad she doesn't want to hang around local parks and town centres tbh,

DS13 currently is not let out of the house unless I'm with him.

Erm, why not?

MIn the past months he's been asking for more independence.

No surprise there.

I'm not ready for him to be alone.

Why not?

This is either your bad attempt at humour it doesn't read like that though or you have rather large problems.

OP mine never just hung about. They didn't have a curfew as such though because they were either out with friends doing something or at friends houses.

On school nights my DSs who are both 16, year 11, are in the house all evening as we live in a quiet village with nothing to do. At weekends and holidays, if they're not at a party they are in the local town 4 miles away, eating pizza and hanging out with their mates. There is no curfew and they usually get a taxi home about 11ish. They are not drinking or smoking, just having fun. We all use the Life360 app so I know where they are.

I'm sorry guys I didn't elaborate. He goes to private school so I drive him to school. His friends' parents are allowed to pick him up for sleepovers and such. I know this is detrimental to my son but I don't know how to stop. I let him take a walk by himself once and I couldn't stop freaking out and watching Life 360. One day I'll be able to let him go, but I love him so dearly.

@SuperMommy63

Everyone loves their DC but most understand that giving them some appropriate freedom is crucial for their development. You are doing your DS no favours at all. How will he be able to assess risk for himself if you have never allowed him to do this?

One day I'll be able to let him go, but I love him so dearly.

Love isn't supposed to be detrimental.

Depends where I was - if I was at my friends house at 15/16 there was no curfew. She was a two minute walk away and I had my phone.
If I was out probably 10? But depended who I was with etc.
Moved out at 17 in the end though

No curfew. Case by case basis depending on, as my ds would say, “factors”

“I know this is detrimental to my son but I don't know how to stop.”

You have to stop. Or he will learn to hate you. Honestly.

Never had a curfew for a 17 year old, as long as i knew where they were, they weren't one's for just hanging around, most of the time they were in before 11.30pm.

@SuperMommy63

You must immediately seek professional treatment this is not normal. You are deliberately harming your son and making him resent you if you immediately stop now it may not be too late so that isn’t your sons lasting memory. If you smother him too much you will loose him for good as you will have an all out rebellion on your hands and he probably won’t want involvement in adult life.