Anyone else had a teen diagnosed with severe depression?

[Struckbylightning]

My 17yo ds has depression. He has been prescribed melatonin to help him sleep and fluoxetine. We are lucky in that we don’t live in the UK and it took only 8 days for him to be seen after being referred by the school councillor. This is ironic because one of the causes of his depression is the fact that we are here.
He has been on the Prozac for 2 weeks now and I’m not sure if it’s making him worse. Last night I noticed he had scratches or cuts all down his arm. He wouldn’t talk about this.
I’m not sure why I’m posting really except maybe to see if anyone else has been through this and has any advice, or reassurance or.... I dunno.
My dd says I should see a councillor myself because I am struggling a bit with the worry and the feelings of guilt etc but I think I just need to concentrate on him for now and trying to help him. He says he’s fine though, of course, so it’s hard to know how I should be helping him.

My nephew was diagnosed with severe depression last year. He’s 15, he had a counsellor who visited at home and was gradually re-integrated into school.

He’s now feeling much better and seems to be back on track in school full time and also starting running daily.

Hope your son finds his way through this difficult time xx

My son is 18 and we have been going through this since Christmas. He’s on escitalapram antidepressants and we pay for him to see a counsellor. He’s now jacked in sixth form and does nothing. He’s in bed half the time or out.
I’m anxious all the time, riddled with guilt and constantly arguing with him. I’ve dealt with this really badly and am all used up. He’s still depressed says the meds have just made everything feel numb but still grey he has no self esteem he says.
My marriage had taken a beating as I feel it’s been me dealing with this. My dh backs off as he doesn’t know what to do- lucky him.
I feel so sad for my boy he’s bright funny and has so bloody much to offer but has lost the plot and I can’t help him.

Sandra I’m amazed that there was a counsellor who came to the house! Was this in the UK?
Benji it’s horrible isn’t it. I feel so sad for the little boy I used to know. The school councellor told me that I should try to remember that our lovely son is still in there trying to get out. She said that the depression is like a blanket covering him and that everything he sees and feels is through that veil. Also to remember that we are also seeing him through it as well.
My boy also stays in bed most of the time. He is managing to go to school but often very late. Then he comes home and sleeps then he can’t sleep all night.
I am also riddled with guilt as is my dh. I feel we have handled it very badly

Yes in the uk

This is about depression in general, not specifically in adolescents but it is a great way of understanding m.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc
How have you handled it badly. It’s very difficult to know how to handle things and you can feel so helpless. It’s normal to get angry , to shout sometimes, to put it all down to laziness. It’s very tricky to walk the tightrope of being supportive but also encouraging him to try to do even small things .
It’s great that he is seeing someone - will that be ongoing . Some support for yourself would be good too. Try not to let him see how upset you are as you don’t want him feeling guilty about you , as long as he knows how much you care and that he’s not letting you down.

I think in the run up we just thought he was being lazy. Because he is lazy, his attitude to school has always been pants. And then we moved overseas and he was very negative about that and never made the effort. He was homesick, which was a shame but we thought we were doing the best thing for him. Then his schoolwork deteriorated and he did less and less and all our previous strategies (carrot and stick) stopped working. We now realise that that was the depression kicking in. We gave him a really hard time.
Also I feel terrible that I really didn’t realise that he had stopped eating. I used to get cross that he would just pick at his food because I accused him of snacking and eating junk after school. In fact he just wasn’t eating at all and he is thin as a stick. I feel like such a crap mother.
His appointments are on-going at the hospital as well as regular appointments with the school councellor. I am worried about this as well because we are coming back to the UK for the summer. I’m not sure how easy it will be to access that level of support. I know CAMHS is under enormous pressure.
And then also what to do with him after summer. Obviously we can’t come back here as this is the root of his misery so now we have to find him a place in a college, somewhere to live. Decide whether he can manage alone or do I have to leave my dh abroad and stay with the boy. It’s all so difficult.

Thank you for the link, I’ll watch it when I have a minute. As if there wasn’t enough stress we have visitors at the moment. And the dog is sick....

You know him not me, but for what it's worth I don't think a severely depressed 17yo who is self harming (that's my best guess about the marks you saw) and finds it hard to open up to others can manage alone while his family live in another country.

The fluoxetine will take a bit longer to work provided he's on a therapeutic dose (as opposed to a small dose to start with and then build up), but it can increase suicidal thinking, so needs careful monitoring. You should already know this from the literature with the medication and the prescribing doctor. Having said that, it can be really helpful when it is the right thing at the right time.

Hope it all works out OK . . . . I know how tough teenage depression is on everyone and you have some really big complications to deal with as well.

Zebrasmummy I know you’re right. I think he has this idea that once he gets ‘home’ everything will be ok. I know it’s not going to happen like that. I guess I personally am not ready to leave my life here, but I’ll just have to, for him. So I will be dealing with him alone while Dh is far away. Not looking forward to that.
He’s started saying now that the pills are a placebo. No clue where that idea has come from. And last night he was saying he doesn’t want to see the phsychologist. The appointment is on Wednesday. Sometimes it feels like he is sabotaging himself.
They gave him melatonin but he still stays up all night then sleeps all afternoon after school.

The right Medication can make a HUGE difference but it takes a while to get up to a therapeutic dose and feel the benefits - I'm talking several weeks, and you may have to try more than one drug😒

Often you can't really engage with therapy until the drugs kick in so perhaps don't push that for now if he is reluctant to go. Outdoor exercise everyday also needs to be part of his regime, even if only a ten minute walk. Did your doctor prescribe exercise?

The Doc did say it could take a while for the medication to work and the leaflet that came with the drugs said it could make him worse for a while, which I think has happened. Though he insists he’s fine he plainly isn’t.
The doctor did tell him to exercise a bit every day. He does still walk the dog in the evenings, which has always been his job. The time he’s out has been getting shorter and shorter but I know it’s better than nothing.

It sounds tough on you all. Would he walk longer with the dog if he had company? Would he want that anyway? The melatonin will help him sleep but only if he goes to bed with the intention of sleeping. You can fight it just as you can tiredness without melatonin. I think someone else has said on here it that sometimes it's hard to engage in therapy when you're too depressed and maybe the medication will help him in that regard.
Your daughter may have a point about getting some support. I didn't/haven't and I think it might have helped (note to self: look after self . . . . must look into this again!!!)

Walking the dog daily is very good but walking in daylight hours would be even better, especially in the morning or at midday.

Hang in there waiting for the meds to work and I hope he finds one that helps ASAP. For us it made a massive difference, like night and day.

I think more time with us would help but he doesn’t want that at the moment. He sometimes joins us for meals and he usually comes and cuddles me last thing at night, but it’s all on his terms. And the problem with the daylight hours suggestion is that we live in the Middle East and that’s not really an option.
I’m so cross with myself today because I got annoyed with him this morning and I don’t think I hid it very well. I gave up on him and took my visitor out for lunch, he then called me all confused at about 11 asking where I was. He was up and going to school. He didn’t seem to remember what a hard time he'd given me.
Zebrasmummy I think it’s right that we need to look after ourselves too, I hope you’re ok.
And Snog and others it’s good to hear that meds really can make the difference. I’ll keep holding on to that thought.

I’m rubbish at this - how do I do that ‘tagging’ thing when replying to specific people??

I'm equally rubbish, so no idea about the tagging. Maybe that's something I'll learn today! I'm OK thanks, but getting frustrated and snippy has been something I do as well. Then I always feel bad afterwards . . . . then I wonder if a bit of real life "this is how I'm feeling in all of this" is actually not too bad . . . . then what if I have ruined our relationship for ever (its one remark! Talk about catastrophising!!!). . . . and so it goes on.

Oh yeah, I’m the same. I think, well he needs to hear how I’m feeling about this, but then I don’t want to add guilt to his overload of emotions. But we are only human too, and hurting. I think that somewhere inside they know that we love them and are only trying our best. I keep telling him I love him and he does approach me for cuddles so I think he knows.

Hi OP just wanted to say you did not cause this. There are so many factors at play, so many possible triggers. For whatever reason he had a hard time transitioning into adolscence. Maybe he feels he did not live up to your expectations and that may have impacted his self-esteem (not that lazy is good!). Try and focus on building his self esteem, encourage him to talk about his feelings, give lots of love. Is he still seeing the counsellor-you could mention the self harm to them. Is staying in uk 'the answer' - grass always seems greener but problems follow you wherever you go. If he has support, a counsellor, is it right to move? He is depressed but safe. More about him finding a path, what does he enjoy? What is he good at? Are there some good books you can give him on teenage depression? Not eating sounds like a stress reaction - I recommend getting him to help cook and show him recipes too. Sorry no answers but

Thank you ADHDme I appreciate your post and will think about your questions. There is definitely an issue with the grass being greener but I think if we made him come back here after summer that would push him right over the edge. Rightly or wrongly he feels all his troubles stem from here. Funnily enough he’s always been a home boy. Even as a little boy he hated even being on holiday. By day 2 he would be asking when we were going home. Strange kid.