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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

When do you stop monitoring/restricting your teen's phone use?

13 replies

twosoups1972 · 09/04/2019 19:08

Dd1 is coming up to 18 in May and dd2 is 16. I have never formally restricted their phone use other than reminding them they've been on too long and phones are kept downstairs in the kitchen overnight.

However I have noticed that dd1 is on her phone more than I would like. She's away at boarding school during term time, school wifi turns off in the evening, not exactly sure what time. But at home she's a night owl and I will often find her in the kitchen late at night drinking tea and watching Netflix on her phone.

I have recently starting restricting time on phone on dd3's phone (age 12) and am wondering now whether to do the same for the older two. It seems a bit odd to start this now though as dd1 is approaching 18. But on the other hand, she lives at home (taking a year off before uni so will be at home) and I pay her phone bill.

What do you do with older teens?

OP posts:
Icequeen01 · 09/04/2019 19:46

My DS is 19 now and still lives at home but attends Uni in a nearby city. We still pay for his phone. We haven’t restricted his phone since he was about 16. When he was studying for his A levels I remember saying to him a few times that he needed to be off his phone and studying but ultimately it was down to him. Certainly by nearly 18 I don’t think you should be restricting her phone. Surely if she is at boarding school this is how she keeps in touch with her friends when at home? She needs to be able to self-regulate herself.

Original poster
twosoups1972 · 09/04/2019 19:59

ice she SHOULD be able to regulate herself but I'm not sure she does. Watching netflix late at night on her phone isn't great is it? She's had some mental health problems recently (stress/anxiety) and is a bit delicate so I don't want to suddenly be really strict, but on the other hand, screen use late at night is not good.

OP posts:
marialuisa · 09/04/2019 20:45

As the mother of an 18 year old DD who boards....I’m gobsmacked you’re considering monitoring how your two eldest use their phones. Do they get up and do stuff as when required? If so leave well alone, if not you’ve got bigger problems

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 20:51

Oh she is an adult, you can't restrict her phone usage, that's ludicrous.

I have never routinely monitored my daughters phone usage, I trusted her and there were never any issues. I made my expectations clear. I did however have access to her social media and would check occassionally. But early to mid teens only.

Certainly not when she turned an adult.

lordofthefries · 09/04/2019 20:54

She’s an adult now, she can go on her phone as much as she likes. She can face the consequences of being in it for too long

MyNewBearTotoro · 09/04/2019 20:55

Watching Netflix doesn’t seem like an awful thing to be doing late at night - I’m a night owl and I’ll quite often watch TV in the night. So long as watching Netflix at night isn’t stopping her from doing the things she needs to the next day I can’t see what the issue is? Seems crazy to be considering regulating your adult daughters phone use, especially when she’s just watching TV on it.

Langrish · 09/04/2019 21:01

At 18, I think you’re on a hiding to nothing. Would you appreciate her checking or restricting your usage? No difference, an adult checking up on an adult.
We don’t restrict our 16 year old as such but do keep in contact with what he’s looking at simply by asking him. He doesn’t have a problem with that, is quite happy to tell us and I trust him. Even asking is beginning to feel a little intrusive to me though so I imagine once he starts at sixth form that will probably dwindle too.
Nothing is off limits for discussion here though, so secrecy just hasn’t become a thing.

C0untDucku1a · 09/04/2019 21:03

i cant see the problem with her watching netlix???

Original poster
twosoups1972 · 09/04/2019 21:05

Thank you all, really helpful. I think I'm just regretting not being stricter when they were younger but they were fairly sensible and not as much into SM as now.

My 16 year old is sensible, restricts her own screen time in the evening and sometimes goes out without her phone so I worry about her less.

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 13/04/2019 11:47

I don’t really except I do try and get them to put on charge by 10pm on a school night. I don’t worry about dd - 16 - she’s a sensible girl.
DS -15 - more likely to sod about doing eff all but that’s not just on phone.
I would t restrict an 18 yr old’s use, they’re an adult.

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 13/04/2019 18:21

I would say around age 13 you start doing it less regularly (I.e only if you are really worried about something or the school has raised a concern) and then stop all together around age 15.

Ribbonsonabox · 13/04/2019 18:30

No I dont think you can restrict a nearly 18 year olds phone usage even if she is living at home! Of course share your opinions that it's not a good idea for sleep hygiene to use electronic screens late at night or in bed. But that's all you can do at that age. It would extremely out of order to remove her phone from her at night... and it would not help any mental health issues she has as it would totally disempower her. You cant treat an 18 year old as a child it will badly effect her self esteem to have personal items removed from her in that way. Try to have a conversation with her about how you feel about it and what your worries are.

RomanyQueen1 · 13/04/2019 18:32

Since about 14. But if I had reason not to trust then I would estrict. Mine has hers 24/7 and we haven't had a problem since about age 13.

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