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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Son doesn’t want to see me

14 replies

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 19:02

I’d like some advice please. The Christmas before last I bought my 12 year old son a Christmas present he didn’t like. His mother and me were never really together from when he was a baby. I had repeatedly asked him what he would like for Christmas a fair few weeks beforehand but received no suggestions so I bought him something I thought he would like but he didn’t and his mother told me that both of them thought it was junk. It wasn’t and was actually quite expensive but I apologised anyway and gave my boy the cash equivalent. Since then my son says he doesn’t want to see me. I took him a card and again some cash on his birthday 6 months later. He took it from me on the doorstep and went inside. I don’t know what to do to get him back in my life. I have tried calling and texting him but I’ve been blocked from his phone. I’ve not had any contact for 15 months now and I’m so sad not to see him. Can anyone suggest anything I could do thankyou

OP posts:

multiplemum3 · 08/04/2019 19:12

Has anything else happened?

Shortandsweet96 · 08/04/2019 19:17

I went through a phase like this with my dad. Because he constantly bad mouthed my mum and we was never allowed to tall about her or mention her. So as young children it was hard. I ended up standing up and saying I qouosnr sew him again until he stopped acting like a child over the divorce to get over it or he will lose us like he lost my mum.

He now talks about her when mentioned, and even went to my brother wedding knowing she would be there. I now see him very often and he is chuffed.

I'm not saying you're as dickish as my dad was but if your son has a problem he will eventually tell you and he will grow out of it and start seeing you again. Dont give up on him.

jellymaker · 08/04/2019 19:19

Have you paid maintenance?

Original poster

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 19:28

Nothing else has happened as far as I’m aware. I did get a new partner around that time and tried to introduce them slowly as my boy tends to sulk when he doesn’t get his own way however his mother has had a number of different boyfriends since he was small and he got on fine with all of them

OP posts:

Original poster

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 19:29

I pay maintenance and have never missed a single payment in 12 years

OP posts:

Original poster

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 19:32

I still pay maintenance even though I don’t see him and again gave him a significant amount of money for Christmas last year. Neither him or his mother acknowledged it in any way

OP posts:

Justkeeprollingalong · 08/04/2019 20:20

This is very sad for you. All you can do is keep trying. If he has blocked you on his phone, send him letters or even just postcards every week so he knows you are thinking of him.

Original poster

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 20:34

Postcards! A brilliant idea thank you

OP posts:

kbPOW · 08/04/2019 20:39

How did you decide that this single issue with the present was the only contributory factor?

You pay maintenance even though he won't see you? Yes, of course, what else do you think it would be appropriate to do?

Original poster

Billsmith · 08/04/2019 21:08

I don’t think it would be appropriate for any other course of action than to pay maintenance for my son. That is why I continue to pay it. It has no bearing on the issue and my comment was in answer to another’s post. I didn’t decide that the present was the only contributory factor it was a statement by my sons mother. She said it was junk. The boys mother is very materialistic and measures everything by monetary value and has brought him up to be the same.

OP posts:

Squeegle · 10/04/2019 17:38

@Billsmith, some of the replies on here have been a bit insulting to you I think.
I agree with PP; keep in touch with postcards or similar; make sure you keep things casual, but make sure he always has your details about how he can get in touch. Kids this age are starting to become a bit difficult, but I am sure he will want to be in touch at some point so . I’m sorry he didn’t like the gift; it’s not your fault though. Keep on trying. It’s hard to be the adult isn’t it; but we have to keep on taking those body blows, it seems to be par for the course...

Original poster

Billsmith · 10/04/2019 18:39

Sqeegle thank you for your comment it’s much appreciated

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 10/04/2019 18:41

It's hard to say without being there and having the full story. What do you think might have led up to it?

Amongstthetallgrass · 10/04/2019 18:45

Bill my dd1 was a bit similar to her dad at 15. He was around much so she tended to just call him when she needed money. It got to the point she didn’t want to see him unless he was giving her something or taking her for an expensive meal. Kids can be savage at times.

There is a million factors why relationships can break down and your really the only one that can really know what’s happened.

I’d stop with the cash, continue with the CM payments and send cards regularly so he knows your thinking of him. But stop trying to buy him.

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