Really struggling with teenage son and a AIBU?

[Akrotiri1]

My son is 16 and attends 6th form college. He is a typical teenager, with volatile mood swings, which I can generally forgive, but the mornings are getting out of hand.

He stays up late so is permanently tired and grumpy, refuses to pack his bag the night before or put any thought into what he is wearing so is in a permanent state of chaos in the mornings. He makes no attempt at self-discipline, and if I try and guide him, am just told that I am' having a go'.

Although I wake him up, and make him b/fast etc , he leaves getting up to the last minute and seems to have no concept of time, or the fact if he is running late he may miss his train, or make me late for work.

He always forgets something, whether it is his wallet/phone/ homework. So mornings are very stressful and it has started to affect my sleeping as I dread how he will be in the morning - last week I nearly knocked over a cyclist in a rush to get him to the train.

More often than not his language is vile to me at that time in the morning, and I daren't say a word or I get a torrent of abuse. For example this morning he asked me to give a friend a lift, and then called me a f**king idiot' as I couldn't spot his friend at the side of the road.

If I 'dare' try and hurry him up, the swear words come out again, and this morning he threw his breakfast onto the drive because I told him we were running behind.

Anyhow, now for the AIBU bit - we live a 25 min walk from the station, and this morning I decided that as the mornings are lighter, and the weather on the improve, he can get himself to the station. It is an easy walk into town and he does it regularily enough if he wants to meet his mates.

Any advice please.....

When I got very stressed trying to keep him on track she said " mum, you have to leave him until his st hits the fan".
^^This!
He will only learn from his own experience. Wake him up, fine, if he's running late, but otherwise it's his responsibility. Tell him first that this is what you're going to do, so he knows what to expect from Day 1 of term after Easter.
The other thing I'd agree with is the nighttime internet access. If you can, stop access after eg 10:30pm or whatever time will give him 8 -9 hours sleep, which is the minimum that a teenager needs. I have this battle with my DS and am planning exactly this for next term (GCSEs).

You moan away!!!! The mood swings are so frustrating......

I do agree with you as my son has a history of non-attendance too, and If I don't drag him out of the door he would probably just stay in bed. If he failed at college because of this, I would inevitably blame myself.

We have compromised over the last couple of weeks - I take him in for the early starts and he walks to the station for the later ones.

He has been a little more accomodating, and less volatile, but last week had a relapse and was having a rant/swearing at something on the radio, so think he will have a go at anything/anyone if he is in 'one of those moods'!

He has an interview at Mcdonalds later today, so am hoping the thought of earning money will maybe motivate him a little, and if he does get the job, help him learn some self discipline and organisation that may transfer to college life.

A work in progress but am looking forward to a break from the college run over Easter.......

Why let him ruin your mornings?

I wouldn't bother getting out of bed. I lie in bed in the morning in great luxury in the mornings waiting until my grumpy DS16 has gone, and I have the day to myself .

He can make his own breakfast, and manage the walk himself, he's not 2 years old.

He might struggle to the adjustment for a while, but he'll soon get the hang of it. Or not. Thats up to him.

But I hear ya! My advice: let him live as independent life as possible, you go your way and he goes his, except for exceptional or necessary commitments he needs your help with. Getting up, getting breakfast and getting to college shouldn't be part of them IMO.

My DS is 15/year 10 and has a similar walk 25-30 min walk to the station for school part of it through a quiet subway (where undesirables can frequent).
No way is he perfect and I also give him a lift to the station on a morning.
However, in year 7/age 11 we bought him an alarm clock and DH told him to use it and get himself up every day and make his own breakfast (which he does). I nag him to get organised on a night but he chooses not to but the rule is I will help him find something on a night but not on a morning (which I have stuck to and he was a nightmare in year 5 and 6 for loosing everything school related). But his Secondary school said before he started if any child forgets anything please don’t ever bring anything into school as you are not doing them any favours, we will deal with it and the child will develop coping strategies and learn to be organised (which has worked). I do have the grumpy ungrateful behaviour from time to time but not that often if he isn’t at the door with his shoes on by 7.30am he knows he has to make his own way to school and miss the train his friends catch as I also have to get to work and work the dog.
OP when my SIL was in her mid to late 30’s living on her own MIL would phone her every day to get her up especially if she had an early start and you don’t want to be doing that.