Keeping teen occupied during the holidays

[LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD]

We (the parents) both work so DS (almost 15, no siblings) has always spent school holidays at clubs, with his gran, we try to take days off/work from home, he will go for the odd sleepover with a friend, or sometimes pop into my office for a day to ‘help’.

He’s getting a bit too old for most of this and I’m not sure what to do with him over Easter and summer holidays.

We are in London and a week long course can be £500+ and that’s mad prices (and each week, no way!). Also becasuse we are central his friends are scattered, and some just go away over the whole holidays (lucky them) so it’s not like when I was little (mums didn’t work, all the kids played on the street, and your friends were all living within 10 minutes).

He does a lot of sports anyway (3 times a week) but I feel that I’m missing something that maybe I can arrange for him. He might even find something he enjoys but hasn’t tried yet. He is only interested in coding at the moment and would spend the entire time on his laptop given the choice.

He is also in the ‘stroppy, hard done by, woe is me’ delightful phase which is an absolute pleasure 🙄 so I am thinking of sending him to volunteer for a few weeks in the local hospital.

I have asked if there’s anything he fancies doing and just got ‘I dunno’. In the past he has gone to sports camp, tennis camp, science, robotics, drama, French... when he was little I’d take time off and take his friend out but of course teenagers don’t want to admit the have parents, and I have suggested he goes out for a film, bowling etc but apparently teenagers don’t do this 🙄.

I don’t want him to spend the entire summer (he has exams after Easter so will need to do somwnstudting anyway) sitting on his bum staring at a screen!

Anyone else in this situation?

What about a PGL course where they go away for a week with similar aged children? They're fairly expensive but there are offers on occasionally.

Do they go as individuals? He has been on a couple with school and really enjoyed it. He also went camping, sailing... (this kid is spoiled)...

At almost 15 he needs to be arranging things for himself! If you’ve always arranged things for him to do, he’ll never learn to do it for himself. You need to let him take responsibility for himself, it’s the only way they learn. I have a son of 16 and am astounded that you’re still managing his school holidays for him, my ds would have gone batshit at the thought of me managing his time for him 2 years ago!

He would stay at home on his laptop if left to his own devices!

I agree with Judge, you need to back off, he sounds as if he has not had time to work out what he likes doing - it's ok to. E 'bored' as it is the impetus to do something interesting for yourself. All the activities make it sound like he hasn't experienced just 'being'

Also what's wrong with him being on his laptop - let him be like his peers - they grow out of that phase too

I have an only DC., now older than your’s & he loved PGL type holidays, sports camps etc. Yes, you can go to PGL as an individual, there are also Day camps run by some companies. At 14 your DS should be OK at home alone, revising or doing a few odd jobs for pocket money. I still take the occasional day’s AL & DS & I would do something together (we live in the sticks so a day in the nearest city is a big treat!).
Our DS also had part time jobs, paper round etc but that might be harder in London.
A couple of times he went off on the train to stay with relatives, is that an option?

Not all teens are the same though JudgeRindersMinder. Mine would also sit on his PlayStation all day if left to his own devices. I find it tricky too, but I am lucky enough to be around in the holidays. I have a 10 yr old too and trying to find things they'll both agree to is a nightmare.
Does he enjoy cooking, or would he he willing to try some basic dishes? Mine will cook chilli, carbonara, basic meals like that. Sometimes just having a task like preparing the family meal can give focus to the day, and would help you out too. Mine will also take himself off for a walk when he gets too much cabin fever. Its sure is a difficult age!

I’m well aware they’re not ll the same, but any almost 15 year old should be learning to take some responsibility for entertaining themselves.

We are in central London in a flat so I don’t want him cooped up.

It’s not the safest place for young adults to be roaming - especially during the holidays, and it’s getting worse for gangs descending on the local park to have water-gun fights - which descend into actual punch ups and the odd stabbing. Hence me preferring him to find some activity he is fired up by and going off and doing that.

I saw a website for the national citizen service but I don’t really know much about it.

National Citizens Service is for 15-17 year olds. My DD16 is doing it this summer. It's a week away with your group (DD is going to the Isle of Wight) and then a week staying at a local Uni followed by 2 weeks doing local community service activities.

All for the grand total of £45. Sounds great.

He is almost 15 so I might take a look

I’ve just checked their site - the application form didn’t fill me with joy (no ‘sex’ just ‘gender’ and a very long list of options including a text box to write your own description) but Our Justine is a Patron so maybe it won’t be too ‘right on’.

15 year old boys with a liking for computers can be a flipping nightmare to get out of the house or arranging their own social lives IME. And the poster who suggested you just stop organising it for him and magically he'll step up and start doing it himself has clearly not parented the same type of child as me! I think there can be room for a middle ground - discussing who his friends are, who's around over Easter, whether he might want to spend time with them, and prompting him to initiate plans (or as a last resort contacting their parents to sort it for him). Being scattered shouldn't matter too much surely? I'm assuming that at age 15 he's capable of using public transport.

Other ideas for things to do could include buying the food and cooking a meal for you all, housework (maybe paid), or going out on a shopping trip to buy any new clothes he needs. Would he go to a gym or leisure centre for anything?

DSS (16) has just managed to arrange two weeks work experience via DSD's boyfriend, which I think will do him a lot of good.

I’d forgotten about NCS scheme, my DS did it after GCSEs & it was great, maybe see if your DS’s school organise it?

Combined cadet force? It’s part of the services but there’s no long term commitment. Excellent life skills and heavily subsidised summer camps with kit provided. Ours got a lot out of it.
At 16, work experience would be really useful too. Most sizeable companies and institutiond have placements, he can just get in touch with HR and ask.

Sorry, misread your post, 16 isn’t a lot of good to you is it
CCF is excellent though and 14 year olds are welcome.

If he's happy on his laptop and coding then at almost 15, leave him to it. It sounds like you still think of him as a much younger child. I have a son a bit older, he works hard at school so I let him just chill out in the holidays. You say he does sports anyway a few times each week.

is he doing work experience this summer? (I'm presuming he is yr 10).

Might that not lead to a job over the summer - it did for ds2 who was this age a year ago.

I used to be off with them in the holidays (former teacher) but as some others say, it's a while since i organised much for them. Can you have a discussion? Surely if you are in London the world is your oyster and public transport to see friends is second to none?

If he gets out for sports three times a week and you’re around at the weekend to drag him somewhere, I’d have thought that’s ok? Do you have a family holiday in the summer too?

Mine have two separate weeks away on Christian youth camps which they love, plus we usually have a week somewhere. In between we might go out to the cinema or for a meal. Other than that dd (nearly 15) organises her social life - and friends are spread out all over the city too, not local but she has a train pass. They meet up in town, go to the cinema or laser quest or Nando’s, then she’ll usually have a friend or two back for a sleepover once a week or so.

Ds is 12 and less prone to organise himself except for one ‘best’ friend whose house he’ll go to/have him here. They mainly just alternate between Xbox and football at the park, plus we have a cinema in walking distance too, but it keeps him occupied. I don’t mind how long they spend on screens in the holidays but to be honest they do get a bit bored of them and that prompts them to think of other options. My ds can lack the imagination sometimes so in the past I’ve given him a list of suggestions - reading, play the piano, bake a cake, walk to the shop etc, trampoline etc!

I would be guided by him. Ask him what he plans to do in the summer, would he like to get together with friends - make suggestions of what they can do together.

Sadly his friends go ‘back home’ in the summer - not unusual for london. I could pick him off to my sisters farm for a working holiday - why didn’t I think of that before?

We used to David Lloyd though not sure they can do that alone at 15 but that's good if they can - also good for jobs after college when he's older.

Around here there is army/navy/airforce cadets.

He is too young for NCS you can only do it at 15 if you are16 before September, end of year 11.

Oh I thought it was calendar 15 - so really he’s over a year off that.

My DS is 15 and in London too. Can I send him to your sister's farm as well?!
I'm at home in the holidays, but basically Ds will play basketball, go to the gym, or be on his computer the whole summer, apart from our week long holiday. He might go for the odd run too.