Promises not kept

[goodenoughparent]

I have just come home from attending a course driving home 45 miles picking up DS2 driving 40 miles to take him to his music lesson and driving home 40 miles which is fine. However on walking in, DS1 who had the loan of my laptop all day under the condition he emptied dishwasher and loaded it, I discover has just added to the mess open jars and everything else as it was this morning. I just wanted to scream and shout, however he was not in to hear. He has been incredibly selfish over the last months 'A' levels etc.being an excuse although no work was done until the last minute, many things have been removed from him no washing etc done as it is all over his floor, and I refuse to treat him like a 3 year old, but I thought he had changed heart a little hence the loan, when will I ever learn? My DH is at his school concert tonight so I have left everything as it is. I poured myself a glass of wine and went into the garden to read the paper
Anyone out there who could give me some sound advice as to how to handle this young person.

bump for you

you need custy

Do nothing for him. No washing, no ironing, no cooking, no cash, no lifts. Anything you do do for him should be in return for something he has already done for you, not something he has promised to do. He is at that age where he is totally selfish, self absorbed, and unable to empathise. Part of this is physiological, most of it is sheer selfishness. They do get better, but you have to make the rules and stick to them.

Bag up his mess and place it on his bed. Smile and carry on with what you need to do.
If he does not have a part time or holiday job, he needs to get one as of now - if he wants any spending money, that is.

I have been there and I know how you feel. But you have to be tough, yes you love him, but you also need to help him become a responsible man and futur husband and father.

DS1 sounds like my own dear DSs. They are intractable. Nothing will make them do anything they don't want to do. Their attitude is that if I want dishwasher emptied and I have been at work all day and they have been at home, it is my problem and I should do it because they can't be bothered. They will happily go without food/clean clothes etc etc to prove this point.

in my experience teenagers need telling specifically what to do - they rarely do anything out of the goodness of their hearts.

you on this occasion were specific.

i wouldn't do it and i would tell him to get it done.

kids don't do subtle -so just going on strike or doing it whilst emplying martyrdom face - just wont get noticed.

I cringe to think how unhelpful I was to my mother at that age, bless her. I only used to get a twinge of conscience when she used to cry. Have you tried letting him know it upsets you, not just pisses you off?