14 year olds to go by themselves?

[cakedup]

DS is just about to turn 14. For the last 4 years on his birthday, I have taken him and his friends paint-balling. I don't drive, it takes about 1 hour and 30 minutes to get there.

This year, he wants to go by himself with his friends. I can understand it, he is going through a phase where he doesn't like going anywhere with me. However, he is also doesn't really go anywhere (so no experience travelling on public transport independently).

So there'll be about five 13-14 year olds. I'd give the group instructions, which would basically be to get on the tube and change once. Once they get off the tube, someone from the venue will pick them up in a van and drive them to the venue.

I thought that would be ok but my mum has given me doubts - what if they get lost, what if their parents don't let them but they pretend they're allowed etc. The venue are fine about them turning up without an adult.

Should I leave them to it and let DS keep his street cred or tag along and just keep out of their way as much as possible?

Contact the parents yourself to let them know the plan?

But I can’t see an issue with them travelling alone

If you dont drive he must have seen the process often enough, if they get lost he can phone you for instructions or ask staff.

If they are good kids I would let them do it with instructions to call you if any issues.

Sirzy Last year I sent out invites that had a health & consent form for the paintballing, it was a nightmare to get the responses back. Couple of the kids forgot to ever give the invites to their parents and one ended up losing it. Another set of parents did not speak English so it was even harder to communicate. So yes, I would need them to get the form signed anyway but this year I hope it'll be easier.

he must have seen the process often enough there is no way he would remember the journey from a year ago LL83. We've been on the tube countless times since then. Also, he is dyslexic and just doesn't really understand the tube map. However, I am hoping his best friend will go who is very on the ball.

I think at 13/14, it's time he started travelling independently and using public transport. How do he and his friends get to school, if they don't use public transport?

And 14yos should surely be making their own arrangements, without need for parental involvement?

Yes, they are very good kids. They would be underground most of the time whilst on the tube, although they could always go above ground to call me.

AnnaComnena We live opposite the school so DS although his friends will take the bus to school.

And 14yos should surely be making their own arrangements, without need for parental involvement? Really? I cannot imagine DS phoning the venue, arranging a date, paying for it, downloading the consent forms, making sure the consent forms are all signed, figuring out the journey, making arrangements with his friends to meet at the station in time to make the journey there, phoning the venue two stops before to tell them to leave to pick them up.

Being dyslexic doesn't help. And forgetful. And a daydreamer.

They make their own arrangements but still
Need parents to facilitate. Last year for DS’s 14th DH took to venue as was other side of London and there was daftness within the group. Now I would trust them to go solo as most of them are used to going into central London now.

I'd also say that 13/14 is the time they start independent travel & organising it themselves. Some start a bit younger, at least they do around here. Not London, but a similarly busy culture here. My DD was travelling to a nearby town with her friends for shopping & walking trips by the time she was 14, many of her mixed friendship group were still 13. Independently I would have said they were all still a bit ditzy, but as a group they were organised & someone took control of various bits of organising it & they sorted it out between them. They thoroughly enjoyed the independence

I dont expect him to remember journey but he must know how to buy a ticket, wait at platform. If he asking for a bit of independence and is well behaved I would let him try.

Tell him what platform to be on, how many stops to count and back up plan if bus isn't there to collect or the miss stop (go above ground and call you, or ask staff. Maybe you could write down the name if station)

Alternatively say "not this time, it's too much for first time out alone. Why dont you and best friend go to xxxx journey yourself." And pick a straight forward location.

I would be nervous but have to start some time.

Sounds like a good plan, they'll be in a group. Let them go

At that age I would expect them to be able to work out how to get there. Don't plan the journey for him, that just prevents him from being able to work out what to do if something goes wrong along the way. He needs to plan himself so he is able to replan If needs be.

Let him go, but maybe do the journey with him once with just you before they got. So that he knows ‘this line, then that line, north bound’.

I started ‘training ‘ my kids to use public transport from about 9. Plan the route, find the next platform etc, but with me there, of course.

I can see being dyslexic makes following the map much harder. Concentrate on colours, and listening to the announcements? They do announce every stop now.