12 year old son really pushing my buttons.

[ThespianTendencies]

Not quite a teen yet but he is definitely hormonal and so bloody annoying! I lose my rag with him every day. He won't get up, won't go to bed, won't get ready for school in time, won't do homework without me going on - I have stopped telling him so that he can just bear the consequences and get into trouble. I have had it with him! He now walks to school as I am so tired of the stress of him dragging his heels. He is so arrogant. Has told me several times that I am boring. I have raised a daughter and she was fucking horrible too! But now she's 21 and so much nicer to be around. He is so difficult and argumentative! His school grades have slipped to the point I just don't care anymore - if he wants to fail then he can. I am sick of caring. This is all normal right...?

Unfortunately it may well be I have a twelve year old boy .... same scenario we have good days and bad days teenage life is going to be rocky !

This is normal. They can be quite obnoxious at that age.

Must be normal...mines pretty much the same

They can be quite obnoxious at that age.

So....what age do they actually get better?

20?

Actually my nearly 15 year old seems to be getting better. Can still be a holy brat at times though.

Yes same here. Cant get him up, wont go to bed. Hates doing homework. Xbox all day.
I hope this phase doesn't last too many years!!

My 15 year old is definately NOT getting better!

It’s a difficult time. Mine is 15 now and is much better most of the time. The only thing that ever worked was if he was really bad I removed Xbox controllers, iPad, phone, mouse & tv controllers. For say a 24 hour period it was hellish but he was nice briefly until he got them back.
I had to give up on home work and somehow goodness knows how he is doing brilliantly at school, his teachers think the son shines out of his bum, but he is still a cheeky cocky so and so at home a lot of the time and will do very little to contribute positively to home life I.e walking the dog, putting the recycling out etc.

I don't think you should accept rude and obnoxious behaviour as 'normal' actually. My youngest is 12 and whilst he's certainly no angel, he's on the whole very good and not rude. My eldest is nearly 21 and she was always fine too. And no, I don't feel like I've been exceptionally blessed or anything

So I wouldn't wander too far down the path of ' oh he's nearly a teenager so I will just let him crack on being horrible and obnoxious.' It doesn't have to be this way.

I'd start by chatting with him at a good time for the both of you and working on some boundaries together

I know it sounds a bit idealistic but it's better that just throwing up your hands and giving up

At least mine is not on Xbox anymore. He plays piano and guitar so that keeps him from gaming. At least it is creative I guess! It is just so draining always being in combat! Actually, he's just come in given me a big hug and said he loves me.Honestly, they are very confusing!

Anything he might be worried about or struggling with ? 12 year old DD can be vile but there is usually something playing on her mind or driving the behaviour

I think stop discussing it - don’t give him a chance to debate with you about getting up, or going to bed. I am one of 6, so my parents were very no nonsense about it - we got a nice wake up - a good morning and a cup of tea - then 5 minutes later a polite reminder we had to get up - and if we weren’t up 5 minutes later, my dad would just grab an ankle and pull! We soon decided a cup of tea was a nicer way to get up than landing on our bums on the carpet..... Ditto bedtime - we got told at 9:45pm to get ready for bed, and at 10pm my dad turned off the internet and took the cables from the tv and computer.

I think maybe take it back to toddler management - action and consequence - rather than enter into any kind of protracted debate. When he’s in a good mood and you are talking, explain to him that things aren’t working, and how upsetting it is, and that you will be doing things differently, then just go for it.

FenellaMAxwell - I like that approach - no nonsense, clear boundaries, job done. Thank you.

My son is 13 and yes really quite horrible at times. I have been called a lot worse than boring
Other times he is loving and caring.
We have an agreed list of consequences. Shouting off xbox for an hour, swearing half. Day, throwing 3 days etcc.
He has signed up to it. In the heat of the moment it means you can just ignore the bad behaviour. You and him both know the consequences.. Once he's calm

@ThespianTendencies I think we tend to try too much to rationalise and to win them round to our way of thinking. I remember my dad saying to my sister when she has her first child that toddlers and young teenagers need parenting basically the same way - the brain development for toddlers and the hormones for teenagers mean there’s no point trying to discuss at length - you just have to be clear, firm, and wait for them to grow out of it!