My 15 Year Old Daughter

[Jooles725104]

My 15 year old is horrible to me yet says I am horrible to her. She always has her headphones in in the car ignoring me and today, I told her ways to improve her makeup and she had a go at me and said I always criticise her?

15yolds don't want to chat in the car the headphones on most of the time are normal. I wouldn't have mentioned her make up either, she's exploring just let her be, it'll be easier all round... and it does get easier I promise.

I teach 15 year olds. You've just described 99% of them, at least when they're with their parents

Google the teenage brain. There is a reason they're like this!

Make-up wise, buy her a lesson as a present, don't lecture her.

Well you were criticising her... It's so hard to stand by and watch our teenagers make mistakes or change from the sweet little kids who made you their whole world, into sullen moody teenagers.

They need to do this to develop their own sense of self. They get friendlier as they age. My Ds is just becoming human again.

What you see as helpful advice teens see as criticism. They are incredibly sensitive. Imagine you are all made up ready to go out and someone starts to give you well meaning advice to on how to do your make up better! I have learned (the hard way) not to make 'helpful comments' on everything that my teen does or what she wears as it leads to conflict. I try to find something positive and compliment her and just accept that she is finding her way and will not always get it right.

Headphones on in car - I agree that's rude. I expect of I'm going to trouble of giving a lift they make a little effort to be sociable.

Make up - she's 15 - it's very likely she'll see it as criticism as she thinks she great at it!

My son often won't speak to me at all in the car. It's like he's drunk zombie juice. I take the view that he will speak when he feels like it and I let him be.

With regards to the make up - would you appreciate her commenting on your make up like that? Would you say that to a friend? Of course she didn't like it - they are trying to shape their image in the world and everyone's sensitive to comments on their appearance. My experience of teen girls is that they are very skilled at make up and it's very possible that the look she chose is very on point for teens. Maybe you just don't get current styles and looks.

Give her a break. Your relationship with a teenager is different to a child and you need to adapt to that. By the way, I realise this sounds judgey - it's not. I'm still juggling with it myself with my DS. It's hard not to sound critical - eg when enquiring about homework being done, messy bedrooms etc. We all struggle.