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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenage daughter says she walks all over me as I'm too soft

19 replies

thebeesknees123 · 13/03/2019 19:35

Tonight, dh is out. Ds is going to cubs. Dd wants to come with me so we can visit shop on the way back. I tell her eleven million x that I don't want to, the car park is too crowded, I don't want to spend any money and, for once, I just want to drop ds and go straight home. Ds refuses to go which is a normal occurence and frustrating but relents when the leader tells him to .

Dd pushes and pushes about the shop with me saying no ad infinitum. In the end, I explode and tell her she never listens and she has to take no for an answer. She says it's my fault. I am a crap parent because I am too soft. When I was a kid, I respected my parents saying no over things like this. I tell her it wouldn't have occurred to me to have pushed and pushed to get my way because you don't take advantage of people's good nature.

She has stomped upstairs with me yelling after her that, whatever she does, it's my fault. If she stabbed me, i suppose it would be mine, too, for letting her

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 13/03/2019 19:38

I hope you are sat down drawing up a list of chores right about now op....
Should calm her attitude down a bit.
Chores = privileges in our house.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 13/03/2019 19:39

Everything is your fault when you are a parent.

You are too soft - it’s your fault - you say no - it’s your fault.

Sounds like usual teenage lack of logic.

MegaBat · 13/03/2019 19:43

I really wouldn't be shouting stuff up the stairs after her because that really is putting yourself on the back foot

Just assert yourself as credible leader. ' I have said no and I've said it nicely. You are welcome to keep going on but it'll just be background noise to me and I won't be changing my mind. That is me being very clear with you'

and then just ignore her

bestsquirrelinthewholehole · 13/03/2019 19:56

Just assert yourself as credible leader. ' I have said no and I've said it nicely. You are welcome to keep going on but it'll just be background noise to me and I won't be changing my mind. That is me being very clear with you'
Love this!!! Will be using this from now on! Wink

thebeesknees123 · 13/03/2019 20:05

Me too. Grin

OP posts:
iMatter · 13/03/2019 20:11
LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 13/03/2019 20:13

I always say ‘when did that ever work?’.

MegaBat · 13/03/2019 20:23

I speak to both my 20 year old and my 12 year old like that - works across the ages I find Grin

Arnoldthecat · 13/03/2019 20:41

if id spoken to my mum like that she would have given me a back hander and that would have settled it.

MegaBat · 13/03/2019 20:55

Times have probably changed since then @Arnoldthecat - it's not quite the done thing these days to be dishing out backhanders

Drogosnextwife · 13/03/2019 21:02

So toughen up. To teach her a lesson for being a cheeky brat, say no to everything she asks for now.

Arnoldthecat · 13/03/2019 21:25

Is a backhander still a viable proposition though or would she ring the police and make a complaint of assault? It could be reasonable chastisement?

hrai85 · 13/03/2019 21:29

Children can be great teachers, gives us a signal to stand up for ourselves. Its not who you are, its is who you are becoming! Empowered, Confident, and a BADASS mum!

Wauden · 13/03/2019 21:37

You have to change the way you speak to her.
Children need boundaries and you need to set them up.
She will respect you for it.

thebeesknees123 · 13/03/2019 21:44

She has apologised and said she just hates me going on. I said I did, too, with her going on about what she wants all the time. I have left it there for now and said no more about it but it has left me pondering. I do too much for her sometimes and I need to start thinking twice about some of the things otherwise I am going to end up being taken for granted.

OP posts:
JeezOhGeeWhizz · 13/03/2019 22:10

No more money or treats for her again, till she gets off her heiney and does some chores.
Take a stand and don't let her walk all over you.

Love51 · 13/03/2019 22:19

Your daughter is telling you that you need to set firmer boundaries. You haven't said how old she is, but you might be reasoning with her too much. (Car park crowded, time, money)
Something that works with my DD is I say "you have had your answer, it is no. If I hear any more about it the consequence will be..." And choose a really small consequence that she is 100% sure I will follow through on. If you don't currently have credibility you may have to follow through a few times, until she realises that you mean what you say.

negomi90 · 13/03/2019 22:26

What she means is that she knows that if she strops and fusses enough then you will cave.
All you need to do is say no, and not cave consistently. Ignore her reaction/tantrum/shouting moaning. Don't rise to it.
No we can't do x then at the first protest I said no and I'm not discussing it anymore. Then ignore.
Don't punish, don't engage, don't rise to it.
Just don't cave.
And expect it to get worse for a little while while she tests that boundary you're putting in place.

MrsJayy · 13/03/2019 22:30

I did kinda what megabat said and honestly it works don't argue say i said no and then switch off they are like giant toddlers and need short answers their brains can't cope with loads of words

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