Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Should I be cross/ upset ?

7 replies

Flossiefoo · 11/03/2019 22:55

My almost 15yo daughter has developed a friendship with a soon to be 17yo boy at her school. We are a year away from GCSE's and the boy is in his first year of A' Levels.
He is a delightful boy, matire, polite and very well spoken. He has spent several afternoons at our house at the weekends and is great company. The friendship is quite clearly becoming something more and both think the world of each other. They talk for an hour every night. Both are very kind, thoughtful, caring and sensible characters, the boy being very academic whereas my daughter is more creative and although very emotional mature, she struggles with academic confidence. She is doing very well at school but not in the top, top classes for English and Maths - but still capable of a very decent GCSE pass.
My daughter has told me that the boy's mum thinks my dd is a distraction to his studies (he works very hard both at home and school). Also, and this is the bit that has upset me .. my daughter is not academic enough for him !! My dd has not let it upset her too much, mainly because the boy stood his ground and told his mum how much he thinks of my dd. She is a wonderfully kind, bright, funny and loyal girl. These qualities are surely more important than an exceptional academic qualifications ? I get that the mum doesn't want her son to be distracted but he's very mature and keen to do well so I really don't think this will happen - my dd has her own committments and is certainly not stupid. I think the mum should give her son some credit and my dd a chance to prove she's not some waste of space that is going to demand his time and ruin his prospects. In actual fact, the mum knows nothing about my dd or our family .. I think she'd be very surprised. She is a nice lady, but his siblings are very successful and driven and she obviously wants the same for her youngest son.
They are so young, it's a 'First Love' situation but neither are silly. I am sure when she gets to know my dd better, she'll realise what a nice girl her son has found. If dd was dragging him out to hang about the streets in the evening, showing her t**ts & tummy on social media, drinking .. or worse , then the mum might have a point.
It's really quite upset me that another parent could judge so easily :-(
Would you be upset too ?

OP posts:
SpoonBlender · 11/03/2019 23:17

They're 16 and 14, none of this "almost" nonsense. His mum is probably trying to dissuade him from going out with a child, don't take her comments personally.

StBernard · 11/03/2019 23:21

Tbh if my son was 16 and going out with a 14 year old I'd be very worried about the implications for him if the relationship developed... I think I'd be dissuading him too.

Holidayshopping · 11/03/2019 23:22

I have a son in his first year of A levels and absolutely wouldn’t want him going out with a 14 year old!

negomi90 · 11/03/2019 23:37

2 issues would be going through my mind if I were the other mum - statutory rape and child porn.
Any 16y boy with a 14 year old girl is vulnerable if they make the decision to behave like hormonal teenagers. If she sends him pics - that's child porn. If they have sex however willing your daughter it is rape. The rape is unlikely to be charged between children of that age who are consenting, but he is incredibly vulnerable.
It doesn't matter how lovely your daughter is, or how sensible they are. I wouldn't be happy with that relationship as his mum. And what she says to him may be different from what she actually thinks or what he tells others.

snitzelvoncrumb · 11/03/2019 23:47

No I would be greatful. I would discourage the relationship too.

Flossiefoo · 12/03/2019 00:17

My daughter is 15 in 2 weeks time. Interesting that none of you have commented on the mothers opinion of my dd not being academic enough or not being the 'ideal match' , which was the main theme of my post.
I absolutely get the concern about the vulnerability of both and we have had conversations about a friendship/ relationship developing and the implications of hormones etc.
I am not stupid, I was a teenager once, but it makes me sad to think that two young people are not expected to be responsible and enjoy each others company without the distraction of the physical aspect.

OP posts:
StBernard · 12/03/2019 00:40

But it could just be that the mother has made up a reason, however poor, to discourage the relationship for the reasons explained by pp? I'm not sure it's worth worrying about. At 16 he is old enough to choose his own friends. The friendship will either continue or not, I would think the mother's opinion will have very little impact.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page