DS13 we don’t see him anymore 😢

[Helenoftroy1]

Bit of background-
My DS13 is a real handful, struggles in school, disruptive always bored. Angry at home and frustrated. We are working with school as he struggles with attention span and are awaiting an assessment with Camhs for possible ASD diagnosis we think specialising in PDA.

In the past he has been in trouble with police for smoking weed, drinking and shoplifting.

A few months ago he developed a strong friendship with a girl also 13. They are inseparable- she’s either here or he is at her house. She seems like a lovely girl who has a really positive influence on him and he has calmed down considerably.

But he spends days at a time at her house and we only seem to see him (with her) every couple of days or so.

On the one hand I feel it’s good as his behaviour is massively improved but on the other hand I feel he doesn’t want his own family.

I have spoken with the her mum who thinks that if we try and intervene and stop them seeing each other so much they will just rebel, and I agree she does have a point but I feel really sad that we are losing my son.

I think the girl feels more comfortable at her house which is understandable I guess but I have always ensured she feels welcome at our house.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Maybe it’ll just fizzle out?

is the other mum making sure he gets to school or oes he come home at night?

Other mum drops him at school in the morning

I think he's far too young for this. I have a 13 year old and there's no way I would let him do this. What about school?

All seems a bit odd at 13!

Yes I also think he’s too young but if we try and put restrictions or rules in place he does stupid things like run away, or he becomes angry and smashes things up

Where do they sleep at each others houses?

They sleep in separate bed rooms

I'd try do this through his friend. If you can get her mum onboard to limit over nights, to say 2 a week. One at yours, one at theirs so there's compromise. Then have the girl agree to it first, he might take it better and comply. He needs to be sleeping at home really regardless of how he feels about it. He's still young and obviously needs the support with school.

Is her mum doing all his washing and making all his meals too?

Yes I think that’s a good idea to get mum on board and reach a compromise.

With regards to washing and meals they both have clothing in both houses so yes I’ll put her clothes in with my laundry and she is of course offered food at our house and my son eats at hers also.

13 years old is far too young for this and the other mother sounds a bit weird to me for allowing it.
You need to step up and be the parent op, he's still a kid and running rings round you all.

One of mine is 13. Can't imagine allowing anything like this. She's a kid who needs her parents.

His behaviour has improved because he's not having the demands of a normal family placed on him.
This is a very very odd thing to do. You've basically given your son to another family.