Too late to punish?

[daffodilbrain]

I've been away with work all week. DS13 and friend were Caught cheating in a topic test giving each other extra marks. He called and told me, afterwards I sent him a text expressing my disappointment, saying he must apologise And build everyone's trust etc to Make it worse the teacher is a friend who I'll
See at rugby in Sunday. I've come home and there've been no repercussions , DH hasn't banned fortnite taken phone off him. Is it too late to impose? He's also wound me up
Because he's not exactly being mr chatty either and refuses the discuss a double date he's meant to be going on tomorrow (the other mum told me all the details) but I'll be expected to be a taxi etc. How do I manage ?

I think it is too late to ban fortnite now, and what real lesson does that teach? It all seems a little arbitrary. Not sure why you are expected to take your DH on his date though. He could Uber?

Of course you can punish him now, he is not a toddler or a puppy that needs instantly telling off because otherwise they don’t know why they are being punished. He is clearly old enough to know he did wrong.
I would punish and have sharp words with him, and apologise to the teacher when I next saw them but honestly I don’t think you need to take it to heart or dwell on it for any length of time - I probably would have done similar at that age. He will hopefully have learnt his lesson and won’t try it again!
Re the date, I think as long as he told you the basics such as where he is going, who with, etc and checked that you were happy to give him a lift I wouldn’t expect any more details - my 13yo would not share any more intimate details about a „date“ she was going on, she would be mortified.

Also meant to say: parenting teens is hard isn’t it? Give me the newborn/toddler/child stage all day long! The teenage years are a minefield. Done it once already with DD1 and none of us have escaped unscathed from the experience. I’m dreading the coming years with DD2 and DS!

It is hard. Especially when I'm awake with jet lag and pondering everything. It's hard not having my little boy anymore, I agree toddler stage is so much easier

I think the sudden realisation that you have no idea anymore what is going on inside their head and that all you can do is try your best but honestly you have very little control anymore over what they do is just awful. I worry every day about them and I hate it.

Oy, just give him a taste of his own medicine! Log on to fornite and beat him, tried it on my 9yo and b/ I'm totally better, he's to embarrased to play

Punishment is pointless. Just have a talk about what happened and why it's wrong. His shame should do the rest. Banning something unrelated is arbitrary and will just cause resentment, making him less likely to listen to you another time.

I would have spoken to my DH after the call and discussed how to punish DS and agreed he would do it. Doubt he would be going on any double date! I would be livid!

Agree that punishment (deleted or immediate) is pointless in this situation. He cheated and got caught. He's probably ashamed and won't do it again. It wasn't his GCSEs or A levels, where he won't be able to cheat even if he wanted to, just a class test.
I think you're overreacting.