Opinions on boyfriends/girlfriends staying over

[0MrsP]

16 yr old DSS wants his girlfriend to stay over night in his room.. we've said no she can stay in his room and he sleep downstairs.
He's arguing the point, apparently he's allowed to stay in her room when he stays there, this is a surprise to us as we believed he was sleeping on the sofa.
He says we're only doing this because we don't like her, we don't, it's difficult to stay objective.. we have good reason for disliking her and he understands our view. She's a little, intense to put it nicely. I do however think that I'd be unhappy with any girlfriend/boyfriend staying over in the same room and there's other children who the same rules would need to apply to so it isn't just him.

What's other people's rules on this?

In my opinion, 16 is definitely old enough to sleep in the same room together- it's legally old enough for a sexual relationship. However- your house, your rules.

Do not be surprised if he sneaks up when you are in bed though!

I allow my DS16 and his GF to sleep in the same room, in his bed. I have discussed safe sex with him and checked that her parents are happy for her to stay. They have been in a relationship for 5 months. Its legal and quite normal so I can't think of a reason to object. My DD18 also has her boyfriend to stay frequently.

I dont have very strong feelings about DS's girlfriend either way but she seems sensible and he balances his time with her with plenty of time apart. Some of the tales of what some of his friends are up at 16 is much more worrying!

What is the nature of your objection? Is it religious/moral?

I think it's just the way it was when I grew up so I've taken it from there. My boyfriend stayed over when I was 18 and I'd been with him a year, my mum always said after a year because I had a younger sister to set an example to.

I think the biggest reason is I just don't like her at all. I don't know if I'd feel differently if I did like her. She's controlling and intense. They have to be on the phone constantly because she needs to know where he is and what he's doing at all times. We always eat dinnner at the table and I make him end the call because we're eating as a family, she will be constantly calling and texting, the phone vibrates the whole mealtime. She turns up at places he's at to check on him. He went to a friends and she turned up at this friends house!!! If he doesn't answer his phone to her she'll start texting/calling me to see where he is. It's so unhealthy. We've had the whole 'I think I'm pregnant' when he tried to end it.. I'm so scared she'll get pregnant on purpose.. we've spoke about safe sex, he says she's on the pill so all's ok, I've told him that isn't enough but he says she'd never not take it.. he is so blind to it all because it's his first girlfriend. It's really scary. He has low self esteem and she's a very beautiful girl so he feels he'd never get a girl like her again. I bloody hope he doesn't get a girl like her again!

So would you still allow her to sleep over?

I'm prepared to rethink my stance.. even though I won't like it, I don't want to be unfair.. it's hard to not be biased when I dislike her so much. If his brother brings home a girlfriend I'd have to have the same rules so maybe it can't be based on like, is that unfair?

I wouldn't have a problem with that at all

As long as she is 16 I'd be ok with it. I'd have another chat with him about using condone though and what he would do if she did get PG. I know a few people who've "taken the pill religiously" and still ended up PG

This would worry me, it all sounds far too intense for their age and letting them sleep together in your house only increases that.
Def have another convo about condoms.

Ifshe is that intense he may tire of her. I wouldn't be encouraging the relationship. If she gets pregnant, it will get unbearable.

Ime not allowing it will only make her house more appealing. The thing with partners you deem not nice is keep inviting them. She sees her bf with a nice family that he obviously isn't going to dump for her.... She won't last long ime....
My ds had an actually abusive gf. She made him choose.

She lost.

We don't allow him to her house too often. Twice a week max which is why he wants her to stay here too. She lives too far away and he can't get there without lifts so the rule was always 1 night in the week and 1 at the weekend.
Even before we knew she was the way she is, he has a split family he needs to spend time with and we strongly encourage him to continue spending time with his friends as well as revision time for upcoming exams so we limited visits to her house.