Supporting daughter with her weight.

[Oakmaiden]

It is a tricky issue this, and I am not sure what to do or say to help her. (For the sake of context - I am very overweight - my husband is overweight as well, but not so much.)

Anyway, my daughter is 15 and is a dancer. She spent most of last year off-dance with back pain, which has resolved (mostly) and is now back to an intensive dance schedule.However, she has put on weight - I don't think she is actually overweight, but she is certainly towards the top end of the "normal" weight band. Which is fine. She is a healthy weight for her height.

However, she is constantly surrounded by girls who are much slimmer than her, and it is getting her down a bit. Her father points it out to her to, although I have asked him not to, but he says "if we don't, then she'll end up getting really fat". Which is bollocks, as she already knows she is bigger than the others, and doesn't need anyone to point it out to her. When the subject does come up I tend to point out she is a healthy weight for her height, but that if she wants to lose a bit of weight then I can understand that and will support her. (Obviously a "healthy weight" is a large range, and I suspect she could lose a stone or 2 and still be a healthy weight).

The thing is - I have no idea how to support her in this. I do know what healthy eating looks like, but I am a terrible role model. Added to this she is an extremely fussy eater - if I let her she would live on spaghetti bol, sausage rolls and biscuits. How do you help a 15 year old fussy eater lose weight without dieting as such?

dont keep biscuits, such stuff at home maybe. and more fruit, salad around.

It's a difficult time and being a teen body image is fragile. Quietly make changes to diet hummus and carrots sticks, high fibre muffins.

If she's a healthy weight why make it an issue.

I would remove all unhealthy food from house and the whole family needs to eat properly - then there won't be a focus on her only.

I think if diet is healthy and she is now back dancing she will slowly return to her fighting wait. (I've had similar scenario.) The other thing to remember is that she may not go to exactly same shape as before as she is at an age where changes happen anyway.

I would emphasise the need for plenty of protein to rebuild lost muscle mass. It's easy to eat too many carbs.

Are school dinners healthy? Does she buy food herself?

It's very easy to put on weight when off dancing - apart from anything else they'll feel very low if it's a big part of their life...

Good luck!

Lead by example and eat healthy yourself.

I think it's lovely to see how much you support and love your daughter.

You also say you're a bad role model.

Guess what, you can change this!

If you and your husband want the opportunity to hopefully be around for your daughter now and later in life this is probably a great opportunity for you all to get fit and healthy as a family.

If you and your husband start by making small changes, small walks, cutting out some of the poor food choices then your daughter may very likely do the same with you. Discuss it with your daughter, let her know you want to support her and and ask for her support for you both too - do this as a family!

I am not a skinny minnie here who does not know what it feels like to be obese. I also know the benefits of positive healthy eating and exercise and the impact it has on my daughter. 25kilos lost and I'm not stopping now.

We did this as a a family. We fell off the wagon once or twice but just go back on and ate / exercised even better.

You can do this!

If you don't do anything...what does your, your husband and your daughter's futures look like to you?

All the best!

If she’s recovered and dancing again, some of the weight she gained should come off naturally over the months.
You need to stop buying the biscuits and sausage rolls though. Unless she buys her own food, if they’re not in the house she can’t eat them.
She needs to understand that if she’s serious about her dancing, her current bad diet has to go anyway, it won’t be meeting her body’s needs and will eventually affect her performance. Professional dancers don’t exist on rubbish like that.
(Nothing wrong with home made spagbol though).

And just a thing I learnt... saying or wishing to go on a 'diet' will probably not help. It's found to be a negative word and has negative connotations. Horrible feelings also if you 'break' this diet.

A diet is just that, what you eat throughout your day throughout your life. You don't need to "go on a diet", you have a diet if you eat!

I think the best way forward is to make small changes that lead to other healthy changes and support each other as a family.