Weird stage of life

[JustDanceAddict]

Not sure where to post this as only tend to post on AIBU, TV and here and it’s teen related (plus I know people irl who read AIBU and this is outing.)
DCs are mid-teens and apart from us being taxi drivers/cooks for them they’re not majorly interested in our company and see their own friends or just watch Netflix in their rooms!! That’s fair enough. Occasionally- like 3 x a year or so we will get together with families that they’ve grown up with but as all the DCs have their own lives this happens less and less as the kids aren’t really interested in seeing each other now apart from a couple of families. We used to either see family friends of a weekend, they’d see their cousins or we’d do a family outing somewhere or just go to the local park if it was just us 4.
Now weekends are pretty boring for me as dh visits his elderly parents, plus we have to take dd to and from an activity on a Sat depending on who is around (it’s not that easy to get to/from by public transport is why) and dh is distracted a lot of the time I feel when we go out just the two of us.
I have a variety of friends who I see maybe twice a month on a weekend but I’d say two weekends out of a month i don’t do anything social and I’m getting v bored of my own company (I work 4 days a week but would find it tough to go f:t due to some other stuff I have to do on the other day). I wouldn’t mind so much if dh was a bit more interested in doing stuff together.
I don’t really have other family esp in this country, so that’s out of the equation too. I’ve joined a new activity but that’s on a weekday evening - it could branch into a weekend but not yet.
I can’t run so def not parkrun!
I could volunteer so maybe I’ll look into that, but would have to be weekend only as weekday eves are generally busy with someone having an activity most nights.
So my question is What do you do of a weekend if you have teens that can be left home alone for the majority of the day. I feel like I’m in a weird place socially and in my marriage and it feels unsettling.
Thanks for listening to me rambling on, I probably dreamt of this great semi-independent phase but it’s not all it’s crackrd up to be.

I just feel the same. It's a weird time

I am 🚖 most of the day and apart from the laundry never ending the day isn't free it's empty. I did run recently but that doesn't take all day.

I studied for a qualification, read a lot, got Netflix, meet friends for coffee and am about to start a big redecoration project.

To be fair, I've been divorced a long time so have had plenty of weekends to get used to being child free. I think it's less of a shock to the system.

Since my kids have been doing their own thing I have started volunteering. I love it and it gives me an interest outside the home. There are lots of things that you can do.

do-it.org is a volunteering website. You can search for volunteering opportunities as you would a job board.

There is also contact the elderly, which is one Sunday a month. www.contact-the-elderly.org.uk

I also try and have one day a month out with my DD (18). We go and do something that interests her, a museum or a show and a meal.

Thanks ladies. I have today arranged to see a friend on a Sat in a few weeks and dh and I are going to friends for dinner in a couple of weeks on the Sat night, but I feel it’s an uphill struggle making arrangements esp if it’s with a group, it’s hard to find a mutual date.
I do have some great friends, but not many at same stage of life as me and the couple who are at this point I can’t see every weekend!!
Will look in those websites for volunteering, ds needs to for his duke of Edinburgh so maybe we can do something as we don’t really have common interests.
I watch a lot of Netflix while pottering, I like to cook, shop, read and MN(!) but it’s not enough and all are solitary pursuits.

Why not try to find something you can all watch? We sit together after dinner and watch a tv series or YouTube or a film on the days the DCs don't have an activity. My sons are almost 16 and 13.

We all vote, you can vote for more than one thing, the thing with the most votes wins. Sometimes that means Dh and I have to sit with the DCs watching something we are not that bothered about but it is important to them. And vice versa.

Why are they not helping you cook a dinner? It is a skill they need to learn. Hopefully they are helping to set a table and clear it too.

I've got an allotment. It's lovely that I can leave the Dcs and go and potter or put in some serious effort.

It sound like you have a very busy life. Nothing wrong with relaxing of a Saturday maybe take in the joys of a Netflix box set. I crochet while watching mine it's really easy to learn plus you've made something nice it the end of it.

It's a weird stage of life isn't it? Your post has helped me realise why I've felt out of sorts for a few years. My teens do still enjoy my company but also are busy with their own interests so we don't plan stuff to do out of the house on a weekend and don't often meet up with friends with kids like we'd do when they were younger and all the kids would run off and play together. I too am bored of my own company and crave Saturday afternoon trips to the cinema or Sunday morning hikes - with a friend. But, everyone's busy on weekends with their own teens'activities and plans are difficult to coordinate.

I don't have the answer. Perhaps think about what you'd like life to look like when your children have left home and make baby steps towards that.

It's a shame you and your DH cant find a mutually enjoyable activity you can do together. With regards to your dc, could you take each one out for coffee or hot chocolate every so often?

How about volunteering for events? It's less of a regular commitment but often on weekends.

Meetup.com.

Thanks for the rest of the replies.
It’s not about finding something to do at home - Netflix et al. I do all that anyway. My DD can cook and did last Sunday, was quite nice as I assisted her w chopping but she couldn’t commit to a regular slot. They’re fairly good teens in terms of clearing up, tidying their rooms with a bit of nudging nonetheless. I may suggest more TV watching together, but doesn’t really solve the boring weekend problem. The weekday evenings are fine.
Underoverunder out of sorts is a good way of putting it. This is exactly how I feel. My bestie whatsapped me last night and I’m now doing something with her this morn, which may lead to a volunteering opportunity if I like it. I do sometimes take one of the DCs out - DS agreed to come shopping for new trainers next weekend as his are too small really (size 11s / eek!). Dh and I like cinema, walking, food, mooching round shops which is what we do one of for part of every weekend (so half a day or an evening) but It’s also about seeing others and having a ‘life’. He’s much more introverted than me and doesn’t really care so says ‘what do you want to do’. He’s also mega busy w work and family commitments so it’s akways me suggesting things and putting effort in.
Thanks all, there’s good food for thought here. Plus when hopefully DCs go to uni I really will need a life / I won’t even have at least one around most of the time and that time is fast approaching!!

Take up Genealogy - you wont have any spare time (or money).

Justdanceaddict I so get it! It seems there could be a gap in the market for a weekend club for 'mums of teenagers'

It's that inbetween phase. At one end young children and their lives are all consuming and at the the end they have become adults and left home. At the inbetween stage you can't fully commit to having your own life because the teen children do still need you intermittently and, like you say, your peers are still needed by their children or their teens and aren't fully available to be part of your new found free time.

I have felt 'ungrounded' and had jumped to many other conclusions of why I felt that way, but now your post has given me food for though and an 'aha' moment. I can see why many females take up running at this stage of their lives. You can fit it in around the needs of the teens and events/races give you something to put on the calendar that is for you but isn't a regular commitment. Sadly, I get nothing from running, even though I've done couch to 5K several times and met lovely people whilst doing so.

My DH is the same. We enjoy doing a lot of things together but he is content with being at work or being at home and doesn't plan anything.

I hope the volunteering works for you. I have that on my list of things to do this year. I've just started a new sport that I could imagine myself continuing to do long after the DC have left home. Baby steps.

I’m in the same boat. And yy, you are right, it’s the social aspect I miss. Walks with friends, brunches, dinner parties etc.
I have a partner for cinema/meals out/theatre etc. But we never socialise as couples. Hmmmm.

Dh and I go for walks and day trips together, it's great. The rest of the time I appreciate not having to do things.
I suppose I was never one of those parents who did lots of activities with the dc when they were small, so I don't miss that, I enjoy peace and quiet and time to myself.

Absolutely agree op, will watch with interest

I also notice that a lot of couples are splitting up at this stage

underoverunder I’m glad I’ve helped you with your ‘aha’ moment. I’m never going to do running as it’s just not me but I can see the flexibility of it suiting mums of this stage. My activity with my friend this morning was good and we both want to try it again so that’s prob one Sunday a month for that - the volunteering aspect of it might happen at some point but not yet.
8Fencing - we are going to a dinner party in a couple of weeks - first in a while! I think cos I’ve lost touch w some mum friends who were on that ‘circuit’. Was easier when we saw each other every day at drop off or pick up - we were invited to a lot more parties and social things. Now I’m good friends with people @ work but not in a couples way if that makes sense.
hug glad you enjoy your r&r and time w your dh. I am going to try more things w dh /I already suggested something next Sunday, rather than us just walking round the local park!!!
ssd am noticing that too w splitting up.