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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

13 year old girls parties

23 replies

Storminateacup74 · 01/03/2019 22:17

So my dd has just got back from her first 13 yr old party and she loved it. The problem is she isn't a small girl about a size 10-12 and all her friends are size 6 or 4 she doesn't care about her size and has no body issues at all but likes to wear the same little figure hugging dresses as they do and i agree theyndon't suit her and show off her tummy and just don't flatter her but she thinks she looks amazing. My hubby has just picked her up with her friend and he has told her she looks hideous and the dress and shoes need to be binned instantly. The party was a proper organised party but he said they looked like a load of hookers. Since coming home she has been ivited to 2 more parties and she is so excited but hubby has banned her. I dont particularly like it but she loves being like everyone else.he says if I go against him on this one i am not fit to be a parent. So where do we go from here. I don't like it but I think this is what happens when your children become teenagers. Any advice greatly appreciated

OP posts:

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 01/03/2019 22:22

Well he needs to apologise to her if he used that language in front of her. If she’s a 10-12 she isn’t exactly fat!!

I think there’s probably a happy medium once he’s finished his ‘argh my little girl is growing up’ freak-out where she isn’t dressing like she’s 18 but also isn’t banned from socialising.

SuziQ10 · 01/03/2019 22:26

Well, clearly your husband is the problem.

A bunch of pre teens look like 'hookers' you're not 'fit to be a parent' because you have a contradictory opinion...

For goodness sake.

Titsywoo · 01/03/2019 22:26

Way to give her a complex. She should be able to dress how she likes and you should both tell her she looks great. She's a size 10 not an 18. Leave her alone. Although bit late after what your DH said. He should apologise to her and feel very ashamed of himself.

SamanthaBrique · 01/03/2019 22:27

"Hubby" needs to get a grip. If he's telling 12yo girls they look like hookers then you have a bigger problem than your daughter's clothes.

Titsywoo · 01/03/2019 22:27

Sorry just read your second paragraph - your DH sounds like a bully

Original poster

Storminateacup74 · 01/03/2019 22:29

She is no way fat but unfortunately all her friends are tiny. In her friendship group there is no one above size 6 so she does look big compared to them. She goes to a very good school in a good area and these girls are from good families but they seem to be treated like their parents friends and they have big houses where they are able to entertain a big group of children so these parties seem the norm. Her cousin goes to the comp the other side of town and a party at her school seems to consist of pizza and Netflix in their branded sportswear!!

OP posts:

QueenOfTheAndals · 01/03/2019 22:30

Your daughter isn't the problem. Your husband is.

ManxomeFoe · 01/03/2019 22:31

If you can't experiment with clothes when you're a teen, then when can you?! Your husband is totally in the wrong, and you need to stand up for your daughter, and her right to a social life.

needthisthread · 01/03/2019 22:31

WTF did I just read

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 01/03/2019 22:33

Her cousins school sounds nicer, send her there

Canshopwillshop · 01/03/2019 22:33

A size 10-12 is a bit larger than average for a 13 year old but your DH was wrong to say that. I think it’s brilliant that she likes how she looks and that is so important. I think your DH needs to chill a bit. Ok, he could try to dictate what she wears but she will probably just sneak another outfit out in a bag to change into later...

Lollypop701 · 01/03/2019 22:34

I have a 13 yo.... they are all of the opinion less is more! We have all over parented so my dd has no real awareness of the evilness in the world... so why can’t she wear a skirt that just covers her bum
But shows her fabulous legs! Your Dh needs a talking to, they all underdress and over makeup. They’re dressing up. Speak to parents Drop off and pick up so you know she’s safe. But he REALLY needs to moderate his language to dd...

SamanthaBrique · 01/03/2019 22:36

You've posted about "hubby" many many times before and how he doesn't help with the kids and is generally useless, controlling and emotionally abusive towards you and your kids. Each time posters have said LTB and you ignore them each time. Can really you not see he's the problem here?

DuffBeer · 01/03/2019 22:56

Fucks sake.

Your husband is a right dick isn't he?

cdtaylornats · 02/03/2019 08:10

My goddaughter was once accused of dressing like a hooker by her father. Her response was "I've never played rugby in my life and I'm not going to dressed like this".

FairyMoppings · 02/03/2019 08:16

Wow... hideous and looks like a hooker
He's the one not fit to be a parent! Poor girl. He needs to learn some fact. And banning her from socialising is cruel.

FairyMoppings · 02/03/2019 08:17

*tact

FriedaTheBreeder · 02/03/2019 08:20

What has her size got to do with this?

If you DH was saying he had an issue with her growing up to quickly and going to parties dressed too skimpily then that would be worth talking about but you imply if she looked good in skimpy clothes she could live the life she wants. What a message to send her.

yma123 · 03/03/2019 13:07

The poor girl! Your husband is so cruel! He'll give her body issues at this rate, and it's not like she's overweight, a size 10 is slim! If she thinks she looks good and doesn't have a problem with it then leave her be, there's enough pressure on girls to be tiny as it is, without her own parents adding to that! It's one thing to say you think that she's dressing a little too old for her age, and you'd prefer her to scale it back, but saying she looks hideous and making it about her weight is absolutely disgusting! Good on her for being confident in her self and feeling good in things like that!

mathanxiety · 05/03/2019 04:49

You have a massive problem in your relationship.

Your H has a huge problem that must be dealt with.

He is a nasty piece of work.

You need to stand up to him. You need to defend your daughter and she needs to know that the problem is not her but him.

The issue is not your daughter's size, or what she wears, or what her friends wear.

The issue is his sense of entitlement, his misogyny, his cruel streak, his controlling approach, his complete inadequacy as a father and as a man.

StevieHuckle · 05/03/2019 05:05

Oh for heavens sake stop all the bashing of her husband. The reason she hasn't listened to you all is because you know absolutely nothing of their relationship except a few different scenarios she's posted about on here, she'd have to be a right numpty to actually take any of you armchair councilors seriously!

Parent as a couple, if your husband feels the cloaths are over-sexualising her he could be right, there doesn't seem to be any restraint in how we encourage young girls these days how to show off their bodies to men. Don't just ignore him come up with a compromise, that'd be the best bet

RainyDaysSunnyNights · 05/03/2019 06:50

I'll put my head slightly above the parapet here and say that I think young teenagers dress in a far too sexualised way. 20 years ago when I was a teenager I did too. I can imagine my mother telling us we look like hookers and 'm dreading my dd growing up and wanting to also dress like that! I see the school children with their skirts rolled up so high you can almost see their knickers and it makes me sad. So I can see where your husband is coming from. That's his little girl.
I think her figure is a moot point though, she should be confident in her body and that should be celebrated. Size 6 or 16 I think there is an argument for covering up and keeping it classy.

showmethegin · 05/03/2019 06:55

I agree what he said was really awful and massively damaging for her self confidence and that needs to be dealt with however; skin tight dresses and heels and they are 12/13?! When the hell did this start being allowed.

I would have a massive issue with that, nothing to do with dress size.

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