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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Rudeness at school

16 replies

Mumof2grls · 27/02/2019 16:52

My youngest daughter (14) keeps getting in to trouble at school being rude to teachers and being given detentions and more recently an isolation. There has been another incident today of rudeness to 2 teachers which now means I must meet with the Head and she will be given an exclusion of 1-3 days. She's at a grammar school but clearly doesn't have the common sense to swerve being caught. I'm thinking she needs some anger management, any thoughts?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/02/2019 16:57

Thoughts? She should stop being rude to teachers. Not sure why you think anger management is the answer

SingleRing1235 · 27/02/2019 17:52

Honestly , you need to sort her out and tell her this is not ok. Anger management is not the answer. What does she say or do to be rude ? There can be the talking over the teacher kind of rude or the ‘F off miss’ kind of rude. Being at grammar will not make anything easier as they are bound to be strict

Couchpotato3 · 27/02/2019 17:54

What does your daughter have to say about it all? Is she unhappy or stressed about something?

Positivelypractical · 27/02/2019 17:56

If you think she needs anger management, then presuamably she is getting angry in school, what is she getting angry about?

needthisthread · 27/02/2019 18:05

She's at a grammar school but clearly doesn't have the common sense to swerve being caught.

That's what you think the problem is?

goldengummybear · 27/02/2019 18:16

She might be talking back rather than being overheard.

Is she rude at home?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 27/02/2019 18:34

@needthisthread is right - she should be behaving herself in school, not ‘swerving getting caught’ better!

Xeroxarama · 28/02/2019 05:20

Similar problem here. I have alwats been clear that teachers get total respect but teen attitude has taken over. Telling them it’s not Ok sadly seems to have no effect.

Dimsumlosesum · 28/02/2019 05:24

Doesn't have the common sense to swerve being caught

"Is a rude little madam who Is refusing to grow up and stop being rude to people". There. I fixed that sentence for you. Because you couldn't possibly mean she's not smart enough to STILL be rude to the teachers whilst somehow getting away with it.

Decormad38 · 28/02/2019 05:25

I think the line about not having sense to swerve being caught says alot op!
Its a parental job to teach children behaviour. Its a teachers job to teach. So perhaps you need to start sanctioning her and being firmer and not colluding with her!

Takethebuscuitandthesink · 01/03/2019 18:54

Really there isn’t a huge amount you can do and you fundamentally misunderstand what anger management is. You need to tell her this is not on and you need to reninforse with a further punishment at home (I.e turning the WiFi off or replacing her smartphone with a Nokia brick) that should soon put a stop to it.

Hollowvictory · 01/03/2019 18:55

Why would anger management help?

Pinkyyy · 01/03/2019 19:06

As others have pointed out, the fact that you think her not getting caught is the problem, may well be the problem in itself.

Hels20 · 04/03/2019 19:00

Does your daughter have any SEN? Has this always be a problem - if it is a recent problem then I would probably put it down to hormones; but if the issue has always been in the background maybe she has some SEN?

My DS who is in Year 3 is rude to teachers - but he has lots of SEN issues. And when he is feeling threatened or uncomfortable his language is inappropriate and rude (not swearing). It’s hard to deal with and I cringe but understanding the triggers and why has helped me deal with it.

Head over to the SEN board if you think it might be more than just teenage behaviour

Chocolate35 · 06/03/2019 08:43

This isn’t an anger management issue, this is an IDGAF issue. My DD “suffered” from the same thing. She still does occasionally. She was really rude to teachers, never to me or her dad at home but disgustingly rude at school. I came down on her like a ton of bricks and I worked closely with the school. Hormones, trying to look funny to her peers and fit in and thinking she could get away with it were all reasons. Work with the school, you need to put on a united front and show your DD that it’s not acceptable and you won’t tolerate it. Confiscated her phone, ground her, do whatever will hit her the hardest to show her that it’s not on and these years are too important to be wasted.

mbosnz · 07/03/2019 16:11

I'd make sure that exclusion time was absolutely miserable.

I would be abjectly and vocally apologetic to the Head and the Staff. I would be requiring her to write an apology to the Head and to every member of staff she has been rude to.

I would be coldly and furiously angry, because I will NOT tolerate rudeness and discourtesy, particularly to the paid professionals who are performing the difficult and somewhat thankless task of trying to educate her and her peers.

But that's me.

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