12 year old boy - moustache growing - help please?

[OlderTaz87]

So we are a divided house this morning, myself and DH. We've noticed for a few months now the beginnings of a moustache on our son who is definitely further ahead than a lot of his friends in terms of overall development. His voice has been breaking, he is taller, broader etc.

People started to point it out to him recently "oh is that a moustache beginning?" and i was frantic to close them down as i know him, i know he will be sensitive to this.

Yesterday he brought it up to me, we were having a lovely bit of very much needed downtime together and he clearly felt confident enough to raise it. He said it's making him unhappy and he now puts his hands over his mouth all the time when he can do so. I'd noticed that myself but hadn't cottoned on quick enough. He is so beautiful and i'm trying so hard to get this over to him, and also how normal facial hair is and how it's just because he is developing now and clearly is rather manly lol. But he's not buying it necessarily, he's unhappy and that's all it means to him, the rest does not matter. EEK.

All of my friends and family remark on how striking he is, he has the longest lashes i'd kill for and an olive-y skin that again i'd kill for (really not entirely sure how we produced him really) ha.

I spoke to my DH about Sons upset and concern and firstly he closed it down with 'too young to shave, it will just make it worse' end of. I spoke to him again this morning to say we cant just close down the idea as it's getting our son down. I asked him if he'd been the same at that age and he said no, never had any real facial hair to speak of until he was really really much older. So i said he clearly probably doesn't know what our son is experiencing. I had a mum who'd never had a spot in her life and could not understand how my teenage acne got me so down at the time.

I dont want a situation where my son does something silly like take a razor himself to 'sort it out'. My daughter did that with her 'monobrow' at a similar age and i was gutted she hadn't come to me first to express her concerns. I'd rather we find the best solution to help my son if this really becomes something he wont stop on about.

I'd welcome advice from those who've been there? Did you allow him to tackle the problem? Do you have thoughts on what would be the best way to do it if so? I'm reading so much contradictory stuff when i google this. My husband has conceded we cant wash this under the carpet at least, but he's very much 'well i dont think shaving yet is the solution' but then he said to find out what things other people had done.

My son is cautious over asking his Dad for advice. He shouldn't be, he really should go to him as i think those are crucial bonding moments.

Honestly? I'd rather we weren't in this position right now, i dont want my baby to be shaving lol. I dont want him to have a moustache growing yet either. He has only begun to find some much needed confidence in himself the last few months and i fear this is going to knock him.

HELP?

Get him an electric shaver. My DS is 13 and whilst I love the fluffy rash he says it’s embarrassing as it’s just fluff. I don’t see the issue if he needs to shave get it for him

Second pp- clippers without a guard? That way he won’t auddnetly be bald but the ends will be blunt so it won’t look fluffy and teenage. I don’t really see an issue either, it’s like any other hair that eventually appears when you grow up 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oops, suddenly. Crap spelling today apparently

It's bothering him do just buy him a shaver. Its not really his dad's choice, your son is his own person. It's quite common for boys to need/want to shave at 12 or 13 as puberty is starting earlier. He'll probably only need to shave every week or two for a while.

So, almost exact same situ here. My almost 12 yr old boy is well advanced for his age, same issues with regards to facial hair. Last week he told me it was bothering him. So i took him to buy all the things he need, good razer, foam and aftershave.....his step dad showed him what to do last night and he had his first shave. My son is over the moon....remember its his body his choice, if hes unhappy then help him.

Firstly, it's a myth that shaving will "make things worse". It doesn't make the hair thicker - it just looks thicker because you have cut the tapered end of the hair off so when it grows the end of the hair is blunt and thick. Nor does it make it grow faster.

DS and quite a few of his friends started getting facial hair at that age. If it's very fine, your DS can wax or thread it or shave it. DS waxed his at first because it had the advantage of taking longer to grow back. It also has the disadvantage of being more painful! So he quickly changed to shaving.

TBH DS loved being one of the first to shave. It's a right of passage in growing up! By the time he was 16, he and most of his friends were rocking beards. Or trying to

It's your DS's face. Let him decide what he wants to do with his moustache. Take him to Boots and buy him a razor and some fancy shaving foam and balm, if that's what he wants. Make it something positive rather than negative.

Just buy a bloody razor for goodness sake. What do you and his father think will happen if he starts shaving at 12 instead of 14?

I can't think what contradictory stuff you're finding on Google - boy has facial hair, boy shaves it off . Repeat as necessary.

Your DH is being a dick. He should be trying to help your DS, not disregarding what he thinks is a non-issue. Its not a non issue. Its major for your son.
My son will be 12 in a few days. He is well developed for his age. (voice broken, full hair down below, very spotty bless him) and has an obvious moustache, although he is sort of medium fair so not as distinct as it would be if he'd inherited my darker colouring.
We are trying very hard to support the changes he's going through although he seems quite indifferent. He has his own set of hygiene products (like face scrub, skin tonic, etc) which I do have to nudge him to use.
I asked him what he thinks about the fuzz on his lip, and he isn't bothered right now, but if he was, I think I would follow the suggestions above, and get him an electric shaver to deal with it. I don't think he is ready for razors just yet.
We have one of those narrow little shaver things that came with DHs hair clippers, so might try that. I think DH should grow a bit of a tache first though, and do it on himself, to show DS how it works. (To be fair, I could probably try it on my own 'tache, but I'm not making that particular suggestion!)
He won't be the only one developing in his class, but he probably can't see that. Teens rarely can.

I wonder what your DH would say if your son was a girl and had started puberty, would he "allow" her sanitary protection or does he want to keep his kids as children as long as possible? Actually would he have a problem if he was a girl wanting to shave unwanted hair at 12?

Aside from shaving or an electric razor, I guess you could use depilatory creams/threading/waxing but might your son (or his friends or your DH) think that is too feminine?

Seriously your husband needs a kick up the backside.

Ds (yes s) came downstairs at a similar age with one badly shaved leg as he was the only one at school with furry legs. I would support him with anything that will give him more confidence. I shaved the other one for him. He never did it again but I was fully supportive if he wanted to. A lot of girls have the same problem. They really want to shave their legs and (usually) the mothers won't let them. I did mine for the first time under my duvet dry. Ouch!!! If I were you I'd get him whatever he needed electric or dry and help him learn. It doesn't have to be dad. I really don't think dad should stop him. It may be a real rite of passage dad's not ready for but hey. It's not his face.

Can only echo what others have said, if it is annoying him let him shave it, either get him an electric shaver or show him how to use a razor. No need to make it into such a huge deal for him. Does it even need to be a huge conversation with your dh, just go out today buy him a decent shaver and let your ds get on with it privately.

Thanks so much all x

ok, so general consensus here does seem to be 'get him some stuff and let him do it' , which i think was pretty much my gut feeling anyhow, but i want to get it right for him, right products etc. Dont want to help him and then make it worse with the wrong stuff. i would also like it if it was a nice shared experience with Dad so will be encouraging that for them both.

I think it's hard when a parent experiences puberty so much differently to their offspring. I know my husband had an easy puberty and i really really didn't - i think our own experiences are shaping this now. He sincerely believes early shaving is going to make this worse for him. I'm not necessarily a subscriber to that, and even if i were... it just means once he gets going he'll have to understand he's now committed to it. If it makes him happier etc, that's my paramount focus.

If he were indifferent, also so be it, but he's clearly not.

I do have a very open DH i should just say, he buys my daughters sanitary items at the shops, he went out at midnight the other day to get her emergency items as she'd not told me she was running out and she was down to one. This is not coming from 'that' mindset as possibly interpreted above... i think he just 'thinks' this is right. He was like "when i was younger i'd have killed to have the makings of a moustache" and i genuinely think he is simply not seeing this for what it is. I've told him... times change mwah ha ha.

But he was initially wrong to think that was it 'end of'... and he then did subsequently ask me this morning to find out what others are doing instead then, hence the post.

We're due to chat tonight when i'm home from work - sometimes when people are stuck with a certain perspective rightly or wrongly... i'ts good to get back to them with something constructive.

I can now do precisely that x

Your DS isn't committed to shaving once he's started. There is no reason why he can't just stop if he finds it a chore or decides he'd like a 'tache. If wants to stop and he doesn't like the look of it growing back, he can always do it during the holidays so he doesn't feel self conscious at school. Men start growing beards and moustaches or decide to shave them off o r trim them into a different shape every day...

i would also like it if it was a nice shared experience with Dad so will be encouraging that for them both

My inner (pre)teen is cringing a little bit for him now. His puberty is not a "shared experience", make sure he is informed, be there for him if he needs you but also give him some space. You don't need to over engineer/think this one.

really?? I thought that would be a lovely thing, if Dad was the one who bought him something to shave with and demonstrated how to use it etc? Other people above said parental figures showed their child what to do first. If there wasn't a parental figure to do that, no doubt he'd find his way as well.

As it is, I know my son wouldn't have the foggiest clue what to do with any of the stuff if i just left it on his bed - and this might be a great opportunity for his Dad to show him that he both understands and is there for him too?

It is something he came to me with after all, his concern. I'm not shadowing him as such and then jumping in. I'm hopefully able to go back now and confidently help him with what he wants.

This was my sounding board, rather than him. Has been very helpful too i must add.

tx all
x

He should def shave if it’s making him
Feel self/conscious and it will of course get more obvious. My DS has been shaving for quite a while now / probably a similar age. It used to be once a fortnight and now it’s about twice a week at nearly 15. His sister pulls no punches and says how horrible his moustache is! He prefers a closer wet shave but he uses an electric in his side bits as they’re more wispy.

I think you need to re think your family dynamic. All that had to happen was for you to buy an electric razor. It did n’t need a series of conversations and debate on the internet, and tell the people who commented it’s rude to make personal comments.

You also should work on improving your sons confidence, maybe drama or martial arts lessons. Maybe see your son as a young man rather than your baby.

If he really wants it gone, get him a wax. Lasts longer than shaving.

It's normal though for some boys.

This thread is nuts!
Men have facial hair. If they don't want a beard or moustache they shave it off. There's no right or wrong in this whether they're 12, 22 52 or 82!
If he doesn't like how it looks, he should get rid of it, either with an electric or traditional razor.
If it's only a moustache at the moment it will take all of about 30 seconds once a day to remove; hardly a big commitment!
He's going to be shaving for the next 70+ years so why not start now? Just a shame his dad isn't more supportive.

One of our 14-year-old twins has a noticeable 'tache. The other doesn't. We assumed they were simply developing at different rates; until we found out the other day that actually, the tacheless one quietly started shaving a month or so back. The other one is fine with a shadow.

It's really not a big deal!