19 year old son and pregnant girlfriend

[Slambdunk]

Hi, I’m new to Mumsnet and don’t really know what to expect, but it’s 0230 and I can’t sleep and I’m desperate for some comfort. My son told us this evening that his girlfriend of 4 years is pregnant. He’s very upset, he knew she was off the pill so they’ve been using condoms apart from one time after a drunken night out, she told him she’d get the morning after pill but she didn’t. He’s a loving loyal boy in a good apprenticeship and starting a small marine engine repairs business on the side. But their relationship has been on the rocks for the last year or so, constantly arguing and really quite toxic. He doesn’t want this baby, the timing is all wrong but she wants to go ahead with it. He says he will stand by her as he can’t bear the thought of a child of his in the world and not be in the child’s life. I am heartbroken for him, he had such plans to travel and work overseas and now it feels like all his choices are gone. I’m heartbroken for me too, this is so not what I wanted for him. I think it’s tough for her too, she’s just starting out on her career, she’s finding life tough with her challenging family and I can’t see how a baby in the mix is going to help anyone. What a bloody mess.

My DS2 was a couple of weeks shy of 19 when his gf gave birth, so I absolutely understand your feelings. There was a slight difference in that they had planned the pregnancy, having lost an earlier (yes, I knew about that one too) pregnancy to miscarriage, and their relationship is/was obviously not so poor.

We're a few years down the line, dgs will be ten this summer. :)

So, they broke up when dgs was a toddler, and there was a bit of snippy nastiness which soon blew over, though it wasn't pretty at the time. Other than that, they co-parent brilliantly, and dgs is happy to have two homes, it's really all he's known.

Your ds doesn't want the child but is prepared to step up and take on the role of fatherhood, as he should. Yes, it limits him, he'll want to live close by and that narrows his choices. I'm no stranger to that. But if he can maintain a respectful and caring relationship with his gf, he can also have a close and loving relationship with his child, and the sacrifice will be worth it.

I can see why you'd feel that way, but while it's hard and stressful now, when the baby is here I suspect you'll all love it and see it as a blessing in disguise.

Life has a funny way of not going to plan, and unfortunately your son and his girlfriend didn't do much to insure it went along with their plans, so everybody will just have to make the best of it. Once the shock wears off you might find yourself warming up the the idea. Please make sure you support both your son and (non critically) his girlfriend or ex girlfriend.

Op, I feel for you but it doesn’t need to limit your son’s prospects, Armed forces families manage with travelling & working overseas.

You don’t know how this will play out in the long run. Anything could happen but your ds will adapt and they will be ok, especially if they have your support.

I hope your ds is a good dad. I also hope for you too it doesn't stop him fulfilling his dreams. As long as the child is loved and cared for which I have a feeling would be.
Good wishes