Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should we..?

28 replies

toooldat38 · 23/02/2019 19:32

Eldest lad 16
Youngest girl 12
(Just two kids)
Hubby is 43
I am 38
Should we have another baby?
Siblings age gap will be massive
We will be older parents
Please advise with experience

OP posts:
onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 23/02/2019 19:35

A colleague of mine did, when her DT were 18. Definitely planned and they always said the little one, who is a teenager now, gave them a new lease of life.

FindPrimeLorca · 23/02/2019 19:35

Personally, I wouldn’t dream of it. What’s your job situation?

NuffSaidSam · 23/02/2019 19:37

Do you want another baby? Do you have space? Can you afford it? Are you in good health? Do your DC have any additional needs? Do you have the resources to give another child the time and care they need?

I don't think you're too old and I don't think the age gap with the siblings matters.

FindPrimeLorca · 23/02/2019 19:49

Do either you or your DH smoke? (Important for consideration of how likely he is to be still alive and fit when baby turns 18).

FrenchyQ · 23/02/2019 19:50

I am one of 3 with big age gaps (sister is 48, I'm 40, brother is 28). My mum was 41 and dad 31 when brother was born. Think my brother did give my mum a boost in her 40's

thefirst48 · 23/02/2019 19:52

I wouldn't dream of starting over again with a baby if my eldest was nearly an adult.

OnlyToWin · 23/02/2019 19:53

I have been through this thought process. In the end we stuck with two. The main reasons were the additional expense, the thought of having a toddler and teenagers and also the thought of having teenagers in our fifties/sixties. Only you know if those would also be an issue for you.

Perty01234 · 23/02/2019 19:57

Would you want two OP rather than one as essentially having that much of a gap would mean that your baby would effectively be an only child? As when DC would be 4 your eldest 18 and the other 16?!

I have a 16 DSS and a nearly 4Year old DS and another on the way... DSS loves his brother but other than 10/15 mins here and there for playing he has other interests etc

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/02/2019 20:03

My DF has my DSister when he was 43. She was 43 when he died so I'm not your your DH's age would be my first concern Smile

Yogagirl123 · 23/02/2019 20:04

I wouldn’t dream of it, however my circumstances are very different to yours OP.

Lots of points that need serious consideration.

It’s easy to forget how demanding days and nights can be with newborns & toddlers.

Do you really want to go back to sleepless nights, nappies, potty training, playgroups and starting school etc?

Wishing you well for whatever you decide.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/02/2019 20:05

Zooey, maths never was my strong point. DSister was 44 Smile

ChickenPieBumFace · 23/02/2019 20:30

Not quite as big of an age gap, but I have 15 and 12 year old girls. Then a 2 year old girl. Her relationship with her siblings is amazing. Each of them has a special bond. She has brought a new lease of life to us all. But honestly. Really honestly. It is challenging doing it all again. We have just mastered toilet training and are still battling the terrible twos. I look at my two older girls who are busy at high school and getting jobs and self sufficient in many ways, and I wonder sometimes if I was a little crazy. I would never be without her obviously, but if I knew how hard it was beforehand, I would have thought twice. Would I still have done it? Hell yes, another little personality in the home bringing chaos, love, joy, mess, and fun!
I am definitely enjoying having children second tome around more than first time. . I'm More secure financially and personally in myself and my relationship. It means I can enjoy her more without the distractions I had as a younger parent.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/02/2019 20:33

Don't know where that Zooey came from. Either I've had too many Wine or there's a gremlin only phone. Actually, it may very well be the Wine...Grin

Motherofcreek · 23/02/2019 20:33

Oh god no! My last one killed me off at 38. My body has changed horribly. She is the worst sleeper out my three. 😭

Holidays are very expensive!
Everything is expensive !

Get a puppy!

Motherofcreek · 23/02/2019 20:34

Your nearly in the clear - don’t do it!

madeyemoodysmum · 23/02/2019 20:36

No bloody way. Get a new pet

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/02/2019 20:40

I think I all honesty I'm with Motherofcreek. I had mine late and it wasn't easy but, I'm not sure that if I'd had them younger I'd want to go back to the utter chaos of a newborn.

Is a puppy an option? Smile

OnlyToWin · 23/02/2019 20:43

We got a puppy!!Grin

donajimena · 23/02/2019 20:45

Hell no! If it was a happy accident great but I wouldn't plan it actively.

Lara53 · 23/02/2019 20:48

Mine are the same ages as yours and I couldn’t do it again. I’ve looked after my nephew since he was newborn over night - he’s almost 4 and the tiredness killed me at age 40+

Littlebird88 · 23/02/2019 20:50

we had another baby when eldest was 13 and youngest 9.
It was really me that put pressure on to have another. it felt like a need for me.
Now this is where it may sound really awful
We love our youngest of course and he brings so much joy but....
there are so many things we cannot do with the older 2 that we would do like to do.
also v selfishly we hadn't reached the realisation that we were just round the corner from more freedom and now we have so many years before that.
reading this back I sound horrible.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 23/02/2019 20:51

You don't sound awful Little at all Smile

leigh39 · 23/02/2019 20:52

I had my first at 17 he's now 25.. my second and 21 who is now 22 , number 3 and 24 and number 4 and 28.. I thought I was done .. I let my new partner and fell pregnant at 41 he is now two .. he wasn't planned but a breath of fresh air ... only had two at home now and have two grandkids to ... I went back to work full time and life is good ;) I think as long as your financially stable fit and healthy why not ... anything over 35 and apparently it's classed as geriatric 😂./

My sister is 50 in June and has 8 month owls twins and her oldest is 28

Go for it if that's what you want

OnlyToWin · 23/02/2019 20:52

Not awful at all - just honest.

Phobic · 23/02/2019 20:59

I know two people who have 14 and 10 year age gaps between the teen and the new baby and a relative who has 16 years difference.
It's worked out fine. Older kids have no resentment and are old enough to help sometimes.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.