Son being taken advantage of

[nrpmum]

I am so upset and angry, and even more frustrated that I can't help him.

Last year my eldest moved to his Dad's to go to a specialist college. His Dad left him in his house with his on/off partner but proceeded to live at his Dad's.

Last year my son's Dad and on/off partner, their children and my son went on a very expensive holiday. My son did not want to go, and because of when the holiday was he actually missed exams meaning he had to re-sit a whole year. At the time the holiday was mentioned both my son and I said that we could not afford to pay for it, and he said he did not want to go, but he was made to.

Fast forward a year and he has been told that he has to pay his contribution to the holiday which is about 2k. Whilst he is working, and studying, he is also paying for everything for his car, food, college expenses, etc. His dad's on/off received child benefit, tax credits for him and I pay my son his child support directly as per his dad's on/off girlfriends instructions.

What would you advise your son to do? He is stressing out about this. He doesn't have that kind of money, and neither do I now I have literally just used all my savings to pay for a new boiler at ours.

Son has been threatened with being kicked out, or his gaming pc removed and sold.

If I call his Dad it will make matters much worse

If you never agreed to the trip/to pay anything up it is between your son and his dad. I'd keep out of it, I definitely would not pay for anything.

If he was "made to go" was he a child? Then all he can say to his dad is I was a child and you made the decision for me so I owe you nothing the same way his other children owe nothing. If his dad throws him out/sells his PC his dad will need to deal with the consequential damage to their relationship. If your ds was an adult no one could make him go so he went willingly, you only know your sons side of the story and what was agreed, so leave them to it.

Would your ex really throw him out and risk his sons college courses? You might need to just call his bluff.

I absolutely would not pay. Your poor ds. Can his college give him any advice, maybe organise Homestay accommodation for him?

@BrokenWing he was 16, nearly 17. Knowing my ex he won't throw him out because of the benefits his on/off gf receives, but I wouldn't put it past him when our DS turns 20.

@Comefromaway I've never heard of Home Stay accomodation. I will talk to him about it.

It is so hard because I live 50 miles from him, but am trying to help any way I can. Have offered for him to come back here, but he wants to stay at the college he is at, and in the job he has.

He is handling it incredibly well, I just want to grab him and hold him tight.

My Dd attends a specialist college about 40 miles away. The college keeps a list of accredited families who offer accommodation.

Thank you. I will look into it. I really appreciate the heads up.

I’m sorry but I do nt get this, why did he go if he did n’t want to ? What arrangements were made about who paid for the holiday

His Dad forced him to go 'because he didn't trust him home alone'. His Dad asked me to contribute at the time, of which I didn't because I couldn't. His Dad responded with he would pay for it then.

I’m sorry but I do nt get this, why did he go if he did n’t want to ? What arrangements were made about who paid for the holiday

Because most parents don’t go off on holiday and leave their only just 16 year old home alone.

He missed a whole school year because of a forced upon him holiday??

You are joking, right?

He missed his exams because of the holiday which forced him to resit a whole year. I wish I was joking, but I'm not.