At our wits end

[Fantasmic143]

Our 16 year old son has left DH and me not knowing what to do.

He refuses to do anything to help around the house e.g. put his stuff in the dishwasher, take his clean washing upstairs and does not understand that he should.

He has decided not to talk to us, not to eat meals with us and to go out as and when he feels like it.

When I asked him to let us know where he was going and when he would be back (out of respect for the fact he lives in our house), he just sent me mocking emojis. And we are only communicating by text.

He is at college, goes to the gym and has a PT job.

We feel like the power is all in his hands and want to get it back. He is still a child. I want to take his phone off him and shut off the wireless at home - he has college work to do but has plenty of opportunities to do that at college.

Advice would be very much appreciated.

He sounds like a teenager! I'd say stop washing his clothes etc until he does his bit. No need to be overly critical as he sounds like he's doing ok in general, just say you're not doing it for a while.

We have stopped doing anything for him, including washing. We have stopped giving him lifts - he was only telling us at very short notice where he needed to be (he plays basketball) and we both work FT so we just couldn't juggle it all. But apparently we were being unreasonable when we didn't / couldn't jump to attention. We are so sad.

I have to disagree with the previous poster. I don’t think he is doing well at all. His behaviour isn’t typical teenage rebellion, it is more unpleasant than that. Have there been any big changes recently in his or your lives?
I would find a way to get to the root of this. Does he have a family member in your extended family who he would talk to?

Thanks, Faerie. We agree. This is nothing like we ever experienced with his older sister.

His Dad has had cancer for the last two years but it is being treated and is localised so under control. He has never seemed bothered about it and doesn't ask about appointments or show any sympathy when he is having treatment.

This has always bothered me as he seems so cold. He actually doesn't seem to care about us at all. He is never interested in us except to ask for money (which we have stopped) or to do stuff for him. He is very dismissive if we are tired from work or choose to do things for ourselves.

And yes, he would talk to my Mum and Dad. He wants to go and live there.