Teenage daughter depressed

[Snuggleworm]

Hi This is going to be very long winded but here goes.
My daughter is 14 going on 15 soon and is so unhappy with life. She is doing her mocks and has not opened a book.
The thing is, myself and her father are broken up since she was 2 years old and we are both married again but he is a control freak and always was. He is making her feel guilty if she does not want to talk to him on the phone or if she won't go and stay with him The main reason we broke up was because he was too controlling. Up until recently, he expected her to go and stay every weekend but she has now eventually stood up to him but she is feeling so guilty that it is causing her to be very depressed. I have a counselling session booked for today but she is now saying that she will not talk to them and does not want to go but I cannot stand by and see her like this.She is quite open with me and tells me most things but I just feel we gt nowhere because I just am not equipped to help her and I say all the wrong things..I am so worried about her as her mental health is clearly suffering because of this.
Any suggestions on what I should be doing? I am only lightly touching the surface here as I could go on and on about her her dad is but there is no point.

How did she get on at the Counselling? Did she go to the appointment?

Yes she went, albeit dragged to it. She got on well and has agreed to go next week. I am just so worried though.

Yes she went, albeit dragged to it. She got on well and has agreed to go next week. that's a start at least

Hopefully someone will be along soon with sone experience or suggestions.

Why doesn't she want to spend time at her father's house? Is it far from her friends? Does he have a new family? Does she have a nice, comfortable room there? Does she feel safe and happy there? Those are important questions.

I'd say that she should not have to spend time with her father if she doesn't want to. He needs to understand why she doesn't want to spend time there and address the issue from a root level. Her needs come first, not his. He needs to understand this as a priority.

Divorced parents shouldn't have to force their children to adjust their living situation in my opinion. If she's happy (relatively) at home with you, let her stay there for a while without interruption.

My advice is to remove the factors that cause her distress so you can concentrate on what is causing her to feel depressed. BTW, have you had a diagnosis for depression?

Good luck - the teenage years are so hard. I feel for you.

Hi Vagabond, no we have no diagnosis for depression but just felt she was.Maybe depression is too string a label.
She loves her dad and there is no doubt in my mind that he loves her too but he is suffocating her and wants her to spend every single minute that she is in his house with him. He still thinks she is 5. He is married but himself and the wife only spend weekends together.He will not let her take anything that he bought her, over to our house. Our parenting styles are poles apart, he won't even agree to meet up to discuss. He has an ongoing grudge since we broke up.
She has had a very tough year, an op last year that resulted in Sepsis and her nana passing away.
However, she is going to the counseling again next week and I also had her blood results back from doctor and it turns out her Ferritin levels and hemoglobin levels are really low. Her Vit B12 was low too. They prescribed a course of tablets for both the iron and the B12 and also Folic acid ( i thought that was just for pregnancy) for three months. I did some googling and seemingly, B12 and Iron deficient Anemia can cause depression like symptoms. The doctor did not tell me this now, this was just stuff I googled myself.
Things seem a bit calmer this week.