This is a long one!
On monday I cleaned my 14 year old DD's room. We have mice as a result of her keeping left over food, bottles cups, pizza boxes etc under her bed.
I also discovered she and her boyfriend smoke weed and put the butts on the floor behind her bed. For a carpeted room, the risk of a fire resulting from that is high.
I expected her to be grateful. She was enraged. She called me all sorts of names under the sun. Said cleaning her room had made her mental health problems worse and hit me.
At that point I asked STBXH to take her to his for a while. He waltzed into the house and behaved as if DDs behaviour was normal. And in true avoidance style bought a ticket for her to go stay over at her boyfriends. Obviously didn't want to deal with the problem.
It is probably the hardest decision I had ever made. But I have tried everything with her and things just kept getting worse and worse. I cried a lot and couldn't eat for a couple of days but I had to hold my nerve as usually I give in to the tantrums and she just does worse next time.
Then she called and apologised for hitting me and said she didn't want to stay with her dad. I went to pick her up from boyfriend's yesterday and so far she seems a different person. The usual rudeness is gone and she offered to do things round the house.
It's a bloody miracle. I can't believe it