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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenager overcommitted to activities

3 replies

Meanderer · 07/02/2019 08:38

Not a humblebrag I promise - I’m really happy my daughter (almost 14) is so interested in doing so many things. But it’s almost compulsive! She does one or two after school activities every weekday, 2 or 3 lunchtime clubs, and has recently joined a band and wants to practice every day! (Have talked her out of this) recent involvement in a school production has meant missing several lessons too, whenever there’s something to volunteer for (eco schools, fair trade fortnight, etc etc) she seems to stick her hand up. To add to this, she lives part time between me and her Dad, so we all have to manage the logistics of remembering where her stuff is, and occasionally deal with her not having it. Her homework is beginning to slide (this morning she did her maths homework over breakfast) as is her music practice (she does two instruments but has basically only been doing the lessons the last two weeks, no practice) and me and her Dad are being run ragged trying to help her organise everything. The biggest problem is she’s refusing to accept it’s a problem and that we need to either reduce her activities or help her learn to get WAY more organised. So I’m now thinking we either back off and let it all come crumbling down (that’ll be mainly school results I guess) so she sees what happens when we’re not busy fixing everything for her, or we insist that she a)gives something up or b) instil some time management rules! A part of me is worried too that it’s a sign she’s not entirely ok? That she’s pushing so much... sorry it’s so long and rambly. I think i might talk to school about it as well, whether someone can keep an eye on how much she’s doing in addition to lessons. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 07/02/2019 10:32

My DD now 15 has had similar commitments for the last 2 years
3 choirs
2 theatre groups
A singing lesson
An acting lesson
A contemporary dance group
Running a junior theatre group
Junior leader at younger choir

This to 13 hours per week on top of school. In the run up to shows this can be a lot more.
My rules are all school work has to be completed to a satisfactory level if this slips something goes. She wishes to pursue a career in the performing arts, but I insist of doing GCSEs to the best of her ability as a back up. Currently she is out performing her projected grades.
Your are responsible for all your own stuff I am not running round collecting things for you.

At 14 they are well able to manage their stuff and be responsible for their work schedule if they want it enough.

Lonecatwithkitten · 07/02/2019 10:33

Oh yes I am a single parent too, working full time with nights and weekends so absolutely it has to be her responsibility.

FaithFrank · 07/02/2019 10:45

Backing off is a good idea. If she doesn't think it's a problem, let her get on with it. Who knows, she may surprise you rise to the challenge. If not, it will be a life lesson.

It might also be worthwhile having a word with her form tutor. Just to make the tutor aware, in case it does all come crumbling down and her school work suffers.

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