Just found DD15's stash

[BrettAndersonscheekbones]

....in her bedroom. Was sorting out washing and found weed (smells of bubblegum) in a small plastic bag in a sealed tupperware together with what looks like an oversized golfing tee (?). Have removed offending items. Knew she was having a crafty fag now and then but thought that was it. She's due in from school any minute. What to do/say?

@tinkly I hear you. Hope all is well now.

@humpty good idea.

There do seem a lot of 'cool moms' on this thread who think this is just all larks.

It kind of isn't. Especially at 15. I'd go into orbit.

If she knows someone who can get her weed then she knows someone who can get her coke, amphetamines and pills, too. Yay!

I've taken all of the above, by the way, I'm just astonished at how blazè people on this thread seem to be about this situation....

Insomnibrat makes a good point about other drugs. I know it's a huge leap but it astounds me the amount of adults that do coke and think it's acceptable! Doesn't even seem a secret or taboo anymore. It sounds like it's already affecting her so I agree with punishing her.

I’m not sure what I’d do after saying ‘fuck’. A lot.

I think it would be important to test the quality though 😉

I think it’s changed so much these days, I’d be quite worried, but I’m not entirely sure how I’d handle it.

It’s all very well saying keep her short of money and time, but actually, that can lead to even bigger problems. Bunking off school and doing ‘favours’ for the guys dealing it.

I'd go into orbit

Right, so do explain how that, or punishing her, are going to actually help?

Do you actually think either of those things are going to make her think or just hide it better?

So talking to your teen sensibly and calmly about something instead of 'going into orbit' is being a 'cool mum' (I take is said in as sneery a way as 'cool wife/girlfriend')? Well, I think I'd rather be a 'cool mum' then, and maintain a decent relationship with my daughter.

• I take it that's said in as sneery a way...

Not flying off the handle is not the same as being cool about it!
I think pp are just acknowledging the reality of the situation which is that the girl is entering her late teens and is capable of finding weed clearly.... going absolutely nuts at this point will do nothing... unfortunately the damage is done here to an extent, the girl is not afraid of trying not buying weed... so fear is not going to work.... the best bet is to reason with her.

I'd go down the route of explaining that it is incredibly disrespectful to bring illegal drugs into your home... that if she does it again there will be serious consequences.. that you might even ring the police. Get through to her that it is not acceptable for her to bring that to the house.

Tell her that you know a lot of young people try weed and you want to discuss the dangers of it with her. Tell her calmly why you think it is a bad idea to smoke weed this young... the impact on her mental health and coping strategies... warn her that it can cause psychosis in some people and how serious and frightening that can be.
Tell her that if she feels ever that she is struggling or has a problem regarding this aspect of her life that she can come to you.. whatever it is... and that even if you are angry you will try your best to help her.

Not helpful at all but I'd hide it. Sit back. Wait.
With a glass of gin.

Or - set up a secret camera in her room to capture the moment she realises and panic sets in

On a serious note - is Ask Frank still around? Do you know anyone who has been dependant on drugs etc that could lend an ear and steer her in the right direction?

Also, do you know what might have started this trend? School pressure? Exams?

Might be worth trying to get to the bottom of the actual cause, as well as the obvious and more smelly problem

@ribbons yes you make some good points. I would like to tackle this in a reasoned, rational manner, although at the same time I am seriously unimpressed. I just don't know the level to which this is the norm.

I think I'm quite relaxed on most things but I will never be ok with drugs in my house. I've seen the damage it does. Lots of people think 'it's only weed' and I don't necessarily think it leads to other drugs but weed can cause major issues. From just the lazy, can't be arsed with anything else attitude, sleep issues, teens disappearing for days, stealing to get the money to pay for it. I've also been in a car with someone I didn't realise had used it and been petrified as they were not in control. It's lucky they never killed someone. I also remember a girl at college who smoked so much she could barely hold a conversation.

If this was my child, I'd be having a serious talk with her but like a pp, I'm not sure how I'd handle it, just hope I never have to deal with this. My 15 year old isn't interested at all but things can change so quickly. I hope you get some good advice,

@omzlas yes I shall find out if it coincides with anything else. thank you.

I’m not a regular mom. I’m a cool mom.

Seriously though, going mental is just going to mean she’s better about hiding it. Better keep the lines of communication open so she knows she can talk to you. Kids are going to do all sorts. Not ideal but what can you do? You can talk to them about it, you can stop giving her money (though I know a girl whose parents didn’t give her any money so she used to give blow jobs for cigarettes and weed), or you can make it clear you’re not happy but would rather know she’s safe (grade of drugs, what she’s getting, when, from who, frequency, where she does it) and arrange a ‘safeword’ style text with her for if she ever gets herself into a difficult situation you can call her with a feigned emergency and collect her.

Can't all be as perfect as you. Best put the phone down, your kids are busy curing cancer, wouldn't want to miss that.
😂😂

She has a developing brain and I'm afraid drugs interfere with that. Perhaps if she cares about her studies, it's an angle to approach with her?

Teens hide shame through a thick facade of tantrumming / ignoring / diverting etc etc and there will be embarrassment that you've found her stash...maybe find a way to tell her that isn't going to mean she will shut down- drives it deeper underground / makes her better at being secretive etc

What year is she OP? Year 10?

I was a stoner until age 14. So naturally my teens all hate weed & think it's very stoopid habit. You sound sensible OP. I'm sure you'll find a good way to deal with this.

OP I’m sorry about my post it was shitty and I apologise for it.

When my mum found my stash when I was a teen she put it back in my pocket and put it through the wash. I was gutted but it didn't stop me! Open up the lines of communication with her. Get her talking and find out the whys and the how longs. Make sure she is opening up and being truthful. You will have to keep a cool calm head on but also be stern and frank....ummmm good luck!
Don't go batshit. She will think your a twat and then ignore what you say.

Also, smoke it!

www.talktofrank.com/drug/cannabis
The Frank website has excellent information both about drugs and how to talk to teens about them. I've found it helpful