13 year old boy how much freedom?

7 replies

Rosie40 · 31/01/2019 12:34

Hi all.....my DS1 is 13, 14 in May. He told me last weekend that all his mates were out at a party on Saturday night. When I asked why he wasn’t there, he just shrugged his shoulders and said he “couldn’t be arsed”. I left for a while then questioned him on whether kids were drinking and is that why he didn’t want to go, or did he think I wouldn’t let him and he said yeah. I don’t want him to feel left out with his mates but I also don’t want him drinking at this age either. His Dad thinks the same. He had a can of cider Xmas day and has a few shandies every now and then if we are out and I have spoke to him about the dangers of too much alcohol etc.
He has asked me if he can go to another party next Friday. It’s basically in a public field so no adult supervision. I have checked his phone and I can see that a few are planning on drinking. So do I :-
Tell him he can go but no drinking at all
Give him a can of cider to take and tell him no more than that
Not let him go at all
I’m just at at loss cos he’s quite a sensitive and quiet boy around people who doesn’t know so well and he doesn’t have a massive friend circle. His attitude isn’t great at the mo which I’m putting down to typical teenager and he sometimes can act very spoilt and speak to me like crap which again is a teenage thing and I don’t let him get away with it. These teenage years are the hardest to deal with imo!

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 31/01/2019 12:37

A party in a field. Er. No. Jesus. He's 13.

KingLooieCatz · 31/01/2019 12:52

I'd be looking for a hobby/sport/interest/activity that might introduce him to a new circle of friends that are not out drinking. Far too young. The unsupervised in a field is a recipe for disaster. It does sound like he's not even comfortable with it himself. I shifted friendship groups when I was a little older than that, as I wasn't into street drinking, smoking, shoplifting and being taken advantage of by much older men that were prepared to buy alcohol for underage girls. There was probably a period where my Mum thought I was isolated. I fell in with a gang that would have sleepovers and watch movies.

Original poster

Rosie40 · 31/01/2019 13:06

He’s goes mountain biking every Saturday weather permitting and he plays football every Sunday. The close friends he has are all sensible ish but just starting to explore other stuff as I’m sure teenagers do. As I said, I just don’t want him to be left out.

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SuperSuperSuper · 06/02/2019 19:34

Underage drinking happens and giving teens a couple of cans is a way of monitoring it, but he's a bit young. I wouldn't allow this just yet.

corythatwas · 07/02/2019 20:58

No, no, no. Too young. It is better to be left out for a few years than to get hooked on drink and damage your growing body.

BrokenWing · 07/02/2019 21:44

Ds(14) is around the same sort of stage. Friends are starting to hang out in woods drinking. He's not interested at all yet and neither are a couple of his close friends. They wanted to be part of the group and went a couple of times, never drank, but couldn't be bothered with the dramas, crying and attention seeking from those playing up being more drunk that they actually were so he avoids now. One of the times he wasn't there they lit a fire and a couple of the girls were injured falling into it. There are also some 16/17 years olds hanging around them which is also worrying.

I'm lucky, with a bit of encouragement and talking he's decided himself he didn't want to go with them so far, but he does miss the big group that he used to hang about with and cycle/play footie.

Just now I'm encouraging him to stick with his close pals and find something else they like to do as a smaller group but it's hard when 4 boys don't make a footie game!!

Original poster

Rosie40 · 07/02/2019 23:34

I have asked him again tonight and he still wants to go to the party. I’ve told him he’s not allowed to drink. He’s said he won’t and his 3 close friends that are going don’t want to either. His friends dad has offered to pick him up and drop him home as I’ve told him no sleep overs if I allow him to go. I have also said that I’m not allowing to drink but if he or any of his mates are in a situation they feel is getting out of hand to ring me straight away and il be there. He knows the dangers and I think the fact I’ve thought about it for a while and then told him no drinking and the reasons why makes him feel more adult iyswim? His close friends are sensible kids but there are a few in the party group that aren’t and that was my worry. I will just have to trust him and see what happens. He will probably be back by 9 sick of the cold and dark haha

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