Did I ‘kick’ her out

[Jo154]

This is my my first post....not sure I am even in the right place to post it🧐. Here goes....I am being accused off kicking my daughter out at the age of nearly 16! My daughter use to talk to me in a manner that would churn my insides up....this went on for years and years. I had come to breaking point. My ex and I had shared/joint co parenting with her. She had her own room etc at my ex’s as well as at home. She would stay with my ex at weekends and on a Wednesday after school. My ex never supported me or backed me up when I would tell my daughter off for the way she use to talk to me...so, I was in it alone. I couldn’t take her manner any more so I texted my ex and asked for her to be picked up and her stuff and to leave the house. My daughter is now saying to others that ‘I kicked her out’ in my eyes...I told her to go and live with her other parent. Kicking someone out is putting them on the streets with their stuff isn’t it? Or am I wrong...I made sure she had from home to home to go to...?? My ex gladly came and got her....her bedroom was emptied with minutes...

Teenagers have inbuilt drama these days.
No advice but you have my sympathies.
I've reported your post to be moved to a better topic than ama

Hi there OP,

We think you'll get better help if we move this thread to the Teenagers board.

Sonia
MNHQ

Been there op. Exh allowed drink and drugs at his home. I had rules.
Ds was 14!!
Left them to it tbh..
Ds came back a year later and nc with his df. Disney Father.
He realised he actually needed a parent /parenting.
He is a transformed dc now. Very proud of him.. Be patient op.

Have you spoken to school and perhaps involved an Early Help Worker? She would think you've kicked her out and I would unfortunately agree. If she mainly lived at your home then that's "home" to her too.

Make sure she knows you love her and always will and that she's always welcome to come back and that she fully knows the reasons why you've taken such drastic measures.

Also what is the underlining reason for her to talk to you badly? It might sound like I'm looking for excuses for her behaviour but I'm really not. It's just that she may be bullied at school, suffer from mental health conditions, subjected to child sexual exploitation, substance abuse etc.

I'd make it very clear to her that she's always welcome and how much you love her. Make sure she knows it's the behaviour you've had problems with, not her.

Are you seeing her at all now she's moved out?

Firstly I hate when a thread is moved... no one is here!!

Anyway, I suppose in her eyes you did kick her out. Your in a difficult situation & as pp says teens have in built drama these days. Going through similar myself so can’t advise but do sympathise with you.

We can’t do right for wrong us mums.

Telling her to live elsewhere is telling her to leave. Of course you have. The choice of words is a red herring.

Better to take responsibility for it and be clear with your dd as to why you did it, than to deny it. She needs to learn how she’s pushed you.

You did, but presumably you warned her a few times that you wouldn't put up with her behaviour much longer. Making sure she had somewhere safe to go was responsible parenting. Leave them to it and see what happens after the initial tantrums, but be the adult here and try to stay calm and reasonable as she rages and blames.

Technically you kicked her out but knew she had the other parent to go to. You had come to breaking point so hopefully it will be a positive as you both sound like you both need some space. As long as you let her know you love her and need to know that she is safe and happy. Chat/text together as much as possible, meet up etc.

And yes, you did kick her out.

My 14 year old DD hit me a couple of days ago because I cleaned her room and called school to say I had thrown her homework out. The homework has been due for six weeks, she still hasn't done it and saw it as an opportunity to get out of it. My ex-H then stole my car keys to go and snoop round my car after not finding said home work in my room, bins etc. I asked him to take her away to live with him.
I need to feel safe in the house I work hard to pay for.

Yes I threw her out. No it wasn't an easy decision. I have been crying a lot since it happened. But two other children live her and I don't want them to think that's ok.

Well herself and her belongings are now elsewhere after you requested this. So yes you kicked her out.