18 year old son being unpleasant - advice needed

[sarahlounew]

I have two sons who are 18 and 15. The 18 year is at college after disappointing GCSE results. He retook his Maths and English, passing his Maths last November. He has his English to do again in May/June. I would welcome any advice in how to deal with the way my son talks to me. I have done all I can to help him find a college course he likes, take him to his retakes and help him get a weekend job. I try to talk with him and go out with him as he very rarely goes out with friends, spending most of his down time alone in his room on his PS4. In return, most of the time he says things like he does not like me and wants nothing to do with him. He often says it like he really means it. I am at a loss of what to do as I only want the best for him. All advice and tips appreciated.

What does he plan to do in May/June?

It's horrible that he talks to you like that. I bet his self-esteem is low and he's trying to make someone (you) feel worse than he feels.

I would withdraw all favours, to be honest, if he can't speak to you properly.

Do you have a partner there?

Im not defending the way your son is speaking to you however, part of growing up is emotionally separating from your parents (and esp your mum) and then reconnecting as an adult:adult relationship. It sounds like you have been very involved in your son's life and decision making over the last few years (dont blame you). But maybe now he's on the right track you should back right off. Engage with him less, question him less - let him come to you if he wants to talk or for advice. Equally dont go out with him unless he asks you. And provide less in the way of home comforts - he can take over feeding himself and washing his own clothes, he can sort out his own transport. Concentrate on your relationship w your 15 year old and give the q8 year old space to grow.

My DS was an absolute arsehole for about six months. My friend is a psychologist so I talked to her about it, it’s great getting free advice. She mentioned the needing to separate as an adult just like BarbarianMum post .But some teens are spectacularly bad at it. He mentioned independence it absolutely was this for him. I just ignored him quite a bit, no more what do you want for dinner.

We were and are now again exceptionally close