Am I too controlling for my 14 year old?

[Sazzel47]

I need some advise as no one to turn to. My daughter is 14 and suffered with sivere acne since she was 8 and was bullied for it and always struggled making friends. Her acne has since cleared up and befriended a girl from an after school club and they are best friends which at the time I was so grateful for as seemed a nice girl. Few months ago my daughter was caught smoking and drinking and when grounded was sneaking out with this girl. My daughters friends behavior worsened and is taking Ecstasy, Madge, weed and anything else she can get her hands on. I stopped letting my daughter see this girl and she hates me for it as she has no one else. She is moody and not sleeping and she said she no longer wants to be here. She said I’m controlling. My husband has now played hero and told her she can see her in the week only and I really don’t want her to see her. All I know is she is down and lonely and I’m scared she will do drugs if she is with her. The more I say no she can’t see her she hates me. She stays in her room in the dark listening to music and she is over eating. Any advise?

I was your daughter. You're doing the right thing by stopping her seeing this 'friend'.
I wish my mother had of been so strict because things got worse for me before they got better.

I think it is your duty to "be controlling" to protect your daughter. I would not hesitate to prevent my child from seeing someone like this.

Thank you 3boysandabump and saynotocartots!

No stick to your guns this friend is toxic. My friend even moved house changed schools to get her daughter away from friends like this

I agree a decent parent would stand firm. I have no idea what her father is thinking.

You have to protect her from drugs. Has she got any interests/hobbies you can try and get her involved in when it all calms down a bit? Can you get her some counselling for the bullying?

I have a 14 & 15 yo and would do exactly the same as you. As hard as it is I'd rather her have no friends than drug taking friends. No chance!

Justasking111 sorry for intruding but how old was your friends daughter when she moved ?
I was supposed to relocate before Xmas but had to postpone and now my son is more adamant he's not moving , any advice much appreciated

The daughter was 14, her younger brother 8. Her older sister had gone off the rails, drugs, teenage pregnancy, runaway. Which was why she had to move or risk losing another daughter and perhaps in years to come a son.

I have a 14 year old. I too would stand firm. Is your daughter doing any other activities outside school? That’s may help her. Is there anything she is interested in? Maybe something exercise related as that would help with self esteem - probably quite low if she has been bullied.
It’s really important you and your DH are on the same page.
I hope things improve Op. parenting teens is really hard

This friend will drag her down, and I too would ban her from seeing her.

But as your Dh has agreed she can see her in the week, I would want them under my roof and under my nose.

I wish my parents had cared enough to just talk to me about all this.

Self medicating at a young age means they never learn to deal with issues and as their brains are developing it leads to problems later on.

You are not here to make your daughter happy all the time, you are here to parent. I have told my own two sons that, they are almost 16 and almost 13.