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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenager being bullied and threatened.

4 replies

Sam0207 · 25/01/2019 22:22

Evening,

I'll try to give all the info in one post so this may be long. I'm just looking for some advice about what I can do.

Background:

My son,16, is Trans and has ADS (which is not what this instance of bullying is about but doesn't help matters). He had a lovely girlfriend who had a horrible home life. The girlfriend (lets call her B) ended up not being able to stay at home for a while and came to stay with us for two weeks over Christmas. She arrived with nothing and luckily I was in a position to speed shop and get her some lovely presents. And, I was happy to do it.

Fast forward a few weeks, B has gone back to her horrible home life, cheated on and dumped my son and is now spreading horrific lies about how my son treated her (lies that my son has threatened to kill her etc). My son is the kindest kid and is petrified of violence. The lies that this girl has spread are so horrible my son is now convinced that if he leaves the house he will be attacked and is worried that I will be attacked if this local gang of kids come here to get him and I try to stop them (personally I'd like to see them try to get through me!).

Yes, some of this worry is due to the ASD but there is an awful lot of teenager on teenager violence where we live and, to be honest, this threat is pretty real. He's already been through the homophobic and transphobic bullying and attacks locally but they seem to have died down recently (apart from the local smart arse 14 year old boys who think it's fun to throw hot Costa over him).

This is happening out of school (DS goes to a specialist education provision) so I can't involve the Ex's school. I can have a word with the local youth club but there's not anything they can do unless DS is attacked there (if he ever goes again). Talking to the Ex girlfriends parents is a no no because they are nightmares of the first degree. I'm not really sure there is anything I can do? The threats towards him by the Ex have been pretty specific, he's going to get stabbed, they are going to cut his fingers off etc (99% teenage bravado) but now that she is spreading horrible lies about him, he's more worried about getting jumped by some random kids that she knows but he doesn't.

Just looking for a bit of advice on how to handle it.....

OP posts:
Shadow1986 · 25/01/2019 22:25

That’s awful OP. I think if there’s been threats made towards him you need to contact the police. Have any of the threats been made in writing that you can show them?

Passmethecrisps · 25/01/2019 22:30

This is 100% a police matter. It sounds so frightening but you need to take as much control of it as you can.

Gather any evidence you have - screen shot anything which has actually been typed and sent and call the police. If it has been verbal call them anyway for some advice.

Does your son’s school have any pastoral support? They should have. Even if it is happening outside of school they can be a support for you and possibly be a venue for conversations with police.

Sam0207 · 25/01/2019 22:34

Unfortunately everything was via actual real phone calls (highly unusual for teenagers lol). DS has blocked her number and blocked her on all social media now.

I was thinking of ringing the local police tomorrow for a chat but DS is frightened that if we make a formal complaint he will be seen as a "grass" and the comeback will be worse (which it probably will to be honest).

I'm so angry at the Ex, we opened our home, treated her like one of my own, gave her a great Christmas, supported her with Social Services ect and she has the brass front to try to destroy DS's hard fought for social confidence. Makes me want to shake her silly!!

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 25/01/2019 22:47

Please do still go to the police.

“Grass” is just another way bullies control their victims. Teach your son that you won’t stand for it (I know how hard that is).

If it was voice calls then they think they have been terribly clever. Keep logging and reporting

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