Guilt

[Lizmiddle]

Hi all

I'm hoping you can help, I have s very forward 12 year old who I'm very proud of, loves school popular and all the things you generally wish for, however when she's at home she treats me with such little respect I try to do everything for her. I have to admit I do struggle with discipline and try to protect her too. Her biological father and I are divorced and All she has known is her step father who is brilliant but in my points little harsh when dishing out punishment.

I struggle when he tells her off because I know how hard it can be growing up and then when I tell her off I feel so guilty.

These may seem trivial and I know some parents are battling bigger problems but it causes me so much upset.

She doesn't see her biological father very often and she doesn't feel like part of his family. I would love her to understand but guess I'm asking too much. Does anyone else have the same problem if so how do you deal with it

Thanks x

My teen is a lot of work.

I think the best advice I can give is to read this book:

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

How long has be been your daughter's step parent? It's your call but I'd try and do the discipline thing rather your dh.

Unless it is really relevant to him.

My dd finds it easier for me to deal with her than her dad.

Maybe if relevant to him e.g. she had trashed his things of lled to him etc.

Good luck.

I’m in a similar situation.
My two ds don’t see their biological father at all and haven’t done since they were 2 and 4. My husband has been around since they were 5 and 7 and since being married and living with us I asked him to parent my children with me, as a team.
He is a lot stricter than I am and I find it hard to stick to discipline but I am grateful for his input and opinions. My 12 year old speaks to us like shit sometimes and yet I still find it hard to give suitable punishments. I carry a lot of guilt about what happened with their biological father.

I guess I just wanted to say you’re not alone

Just yo say my dh and I are still married and I also find it tough to be strict. I don't actually want to issue threats all the time.

Lizmiddle "I struggle when he tells her off because I know how hard it can be growing up and then when I tell her off I feel so guilty." Is your husband telling her off in an appropriate way, is the amount of anger/punishment etc, appropriate. If not you can take over.

gt84 Why do you say "I carry a lot of guilt about what happened with their biological father."

Whatever reason your marriages ended Lizmiddle and gt84 your former partners still had the chance to parent their kids. So you really do not need to feel guilty for their lack of involvement in their children's lives.

What do you mean by “forward”?
You and her step dad need to agree boundaries and consequences.
She treats you with disrespect? What happens when she does that?
Don’t feel guilty for being a parent and teaching your child how to behave appropriately. I’m not sure what you need to protect her from here.

Can you give examples of her disrespect? And examples of her stepdad being harsh?
And what you do at the moment when she disrespects you? I think that might help