Making friends

[twinklylights]

My DD14 is struggling at the moment with low mood, anxiety and friendship issues. She is also very shy. Does anyone know of any tried and tested friendship type apps or websites for chatting where she may meet some likeminded teens?

I have a 14 year old DD. I wouldn't recommend your DD meeting friends on apps or websites at all. There's too much margin for error and for liars.

I think the absolute best way is for her to join a club based around something she enjoys. It IS a challenge. It is hard...but friendship is born of shared experience.

Lots of fresh air and exercise will help the low mood and anxiety. Does she ever go out for walks with you?

She will come out for walks and does enjoy that. I would love her to join some clubs but at the moment it's her shyness that holds her back. She is very into bands and music and that's something I would like her to explore more. Thank you for your reply.

Suggest she goes to a club with a friend she knows who may already be apart of the club . Walks in with them and back out so she’s not embarrassed . This worked with my DD

My DD is the same age and also suffering from the same things but the thing that keeps her going is she does 3 different sporting activities outside school. Apart from keeping her fit and fairly busy, she has 3 different sets of friends/acquaintances outside school who she has something with common with.

People who do sport and music are usually really nice and if it's something she likes/is good at, then I would encourage it.

My DD loves music. I bought her a bass guitar and she learns from Youtube. We' will be getting her lessons though eventually. Maybe you could do similar?

She has drum lessons which she loves and so we are encouraging her to build on that. So difficult when their self esteem is so low though.

Hi Twinkly, I have been there with my DD, she's now nearly 17yr and still struggles making friends but has learnt to cope a bit better. It helped her to join a martial arts class and also keeps quite busy at the local church.

I would reiterate what others have said about fresh air and exercise. Also don't underestimate time spent with you or any other family she gets along with. Just having a mum to chat to and who listens is a great thing. Give her plenty of love (I'm sure you do) and encouragement. The drum lessons sound like a great idea, hopefully that can be built on and she could join a band perhaps? Both my DC are not great musicians but they play in the church band once a month, so perhaps suggest something like that. Also, even if she s not particularly religious there might be something of a social life at the local church (eg.DD also helps out with a Sunday School type class). Things will get better OP, {flowers]

{flowers}

!!

If she is into particular bands then maybe join online fan groups. You will have to monitor it but some forums that are well run can create good online friendships that turn into real ones. I also agree with other advice given.

Hi twinklylights, I feel for you! my dd14 also has problems with making friends. She has one best friend (from a martial arts club I made her join to make friends ironically)but she is the wrong type of friend (takes drugs) so had to stop her from seeing each other and hates me. She’s also into her bands. Don’t you Just wish you could find them a good friend!

It's so sad to see and it makes her feel like there's 'something wrong with her'. She very mature for her age but just doesn't seem to have much in common with the other children in her year at school (music, film, tv shows) Really hoping she will meet her 'people' soon. Thank you for all the replies.

She sounds quite like my DD, very mature in the ways of friendship and doesn't go for all the bitchiness and falling out like a lot of the girls. What sort of things is your DD into? To reassure her, could you mention the contact you have had from other parents on here to say she is not alone? Obviously you would have to say it in a way that didn't get your DD worried that you were discussing her issues but jus to reassure her there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. Infact I suspect she is a lovely girl!

Is there a school of rock near you? We have one near us where musical kids get together and split into different groups each week to learn songs etc.

I’m also shy and I know I’d have preferred something like this where there was a focus and I didn’t have to talk too much to start with

I think something like School of Rock would be excellent and there is one near us (South coast) She does seem keen but her low self-esteem and shyness is holding her back. I intend to gently persevere though!

I feel the same, my 13 year old has recently moved schools for various reason , one of which was widening her friendship group. She seems to have been drawn towards the 'wrong crowd' and people who she feels she needs to be a completely different person around which is becoming tiring for her. I'm desperate to get her to try some new clubs but she's really not keen and none of her current friends are part of one to take her. I need to get her to one this week, she'll not be happy but I know it's the answer to a lot of things that are not right at the moment. Currently her self esteem is through the floor with no confidence and a terror of these 'friends' knowing the real her. all they seem to do is sit on snapchat !

Mine were very sporty so joined clubs and made friends that way.
Go with her current music interests and join her up to music stuff