How do you deal with disrespectful / defiant / surly / entited behaviour?

[lolawoo]

Just that really. Husband says to ignore but I find it too hard - plus if I do it gets worse and I end up arguing back. I feel she needs to know it's not acceptable (and more than anything I want it to stop and have my sweet child back - the impossible dream)!

following!

We’re not in full teenage mode yet but certainly experienceing mood swings, answering back etc.
I pick a time when things are calm and happy. Bed time is good and we have a chat about moods and emotions- how it’s okay to feel stressed, angry and annoyed and not to understand why but it isn’t okay to take it out on other people.
We have tried to get her to say when she’s moody and doesn’t know why so we can give her space- I’ll also love bomb her when I see an opening.
Her little sister wrote a heart wrenching note about how her sisters moods were really upsetting her, when I talked to her about this she was really upset.

I think it comes down to picking battles, counting to ten and stepping back, dealing with issues when they have calmed down and making sure they know you love them.

I hope this will help but very soon I’ll have two teenage girls, an 80yr old stubborn mother and my own PMT to contend with. I’m not looking forward to it!

Ime refusing to top up phone /be a taxi /laundry service /host friends /shop /cook are good incentives to get decent behaviour /respect.
*on to 6th, 7th +8th teen now.

I always called my teen out on rude behaviour. It didn't seem to make much difference.

One day this type of behaviour will just magically stop and you will have pleasant behaviour 99% of the time again.

I try and ignore if DD is angry and looking for a reaction but will discuss and come up with suitable punishment once all is calm. Usually loss of phone.

Snog is right. One day it just stops and the old her will return. There is no point arguing. Walk away but make it clear she 2ill not get she wants unless she is polite and cooperative. Withdraw priveleges until she is polite. Talk at times when she is calm and not under pressue, in the car, when eating a meal

They must not gain anything from the worst of it. Not even the satisfaction of extra attention (most extreme response). A simple "THAT was rude!" and "I never speak to you like that. What makes you think it's okay to talk to me like that?" is as much excitement as I'll let them have, and I will try to not even give them that.

DD has a venomous tongue, but if the whole conversation is good -tempered I will give her back as good as she gets. I was terrible at banter as a kid, but this is like a 2nd go that I kind of enjoy. If it's quite witty she will laugh rather than rant back at me.

Truth be told, I look forward to day she moves out

Right in the middle of it, it's so boring and tedious.

Teens are so boring now, but benefits of the 21st century is that you immobilised them with a screen of some sort for 12 hrs a day if required. 🙄😩

Like others I would love to know .

What really irritates me is that I am frequently told what a lovely DS I have, how proud of him I must be blah blah blah. So yes, I KNOW he can behave perfectly nicely, and I KNOW it is better that he is polite ‘in public’ but just occasionally I would love to see some of this charm & politeness at home.

Oh and switch wi fi off or change password, and removing phone charger not the actual phone. Watch their faces as the % drops......

right in the middle of this too. if anyone who has teenagers say they are lovely, polite, helpful and cheerful behind closed doors, they are definitely liars!

Place marking.
I have a 12yr old who is lovely out of the house but a nightmare at home.

With DS as long as he does his chores (dishwasher/hoovering/sorting socks/cleaning his room) I generally leave him to it. Xbox is his weakness so removal or threat of it works a treat.
If he moans about what’s for dinner/not enough phone data/not enough pocket money I just tilt my head and ask if his diamond shoes are too tight.

Let the small stuff wash over you else life is nothing but one long battle.

The more serious stuff, make them hand over their phone or charger, that thing is their entire life and your best weapon.

Grounding is only punishment for you, not them.

We went through a bad phase of door slamming which DH did not cope with well having spent hours decorating. Bedroom door came off for a week - never happened again.

If they are being rude to you, ignore. And ignore a bit more until they talk to you with respect and courtesy. Imagine you are teflon coated and it makes life a lot easier.

We had 3 teenage DDs at one stage... they are now all lovely generous kind thoughtful young women. But it was a challenge at times to get them there. Our poor 3rd DD got away with nothing, we were experts by then

Oh gosh I forgot I posted this! Thanks all - funnily enough we've had a good few days. I do give tech bans but to be honest she's more bothered about reading and it's tricky to take every book she owns off her! I think part of the problem is she's very like me