Has your relationship wt your teen improved after they went off to college?

[friedaklein]

New here. Please be gentle. D (18) is a nightmare and has been for some time now. I can do nothing right in her eyes. Even asking her if she has eaten prompts an angry response. She lost the plot in Year 11, but pulled herself together last year and has got offers from good unis. I had to be hard on her to get her to pull her grades up and that probably didn't make things any easier. I am just hoping that once she goes off to Uni our relationship improves. Right now I am sat here in tears because she has said she won't be coming back to visit.

I bloody hope so.

I don’t think my dd (15yrs) even likes me at the moment

HIlda, my DD has specifically told me she does not like me. And so much of it seems pointless drama. I was accused of not helping her enough with her uni applications. I did help as far as any parent of an 18 yr old does. When I tried to talk about this, she admitted that I did help her. I was thinking she would have grown out of this by now.

I also have a nearly 15 yr old DS but we seem to be able to have a civil convo so I don't get how I was quite so terrible with her.

I ruddy well hope so. Waits in anticipation (1.5 years to go)....

Maybe I should have posted this in higher education!

I would say yes my relationship has improved with my DS, but then I think thats because I dont see him as much so when he is back I tend to put up with things because I dont want to fall out with him as he isnt back for long, if that makes sense.

Eldest DD was stroppy from age 16. When she went away to Uni she was awful during visits home in that the first year. As she'd lived away from home she thought she knew it all. By the time she came home for the first summer (which I was dreading) she was lovely. Asking around that seemed to be normal. Since then all has been fine.

I hope so too. I have no advice at all as Im in the same boat. DD (16) says she cant stand me, tells me what a crap mum i am regularly. Then is lovely when she wants something, which i usually end up going along with, just to get some kind of positive interaction with her. Ive been holding back tears all day after an awful day yesterday. Ive tried so hard and am just riding it out now and hoping it gets better.

Sigh. DD is lovely and polite to everyone else. The waiter at our local restaurant gets more love than I do. Her friends' mom's can't stop raving about her. Is this a way of detaching themselves from their families do you think? She used to be v close to DS, but doesn't talk much to him either now.
I have just offered to teach her to cook in preparation for uni and she has rejected me. Had to bite back the words "Ok starve then".

I don't cry because I don't want to show weakness. Then of course I get accused of being unfeeling. And the constant comparisons to other girls' moms; does anyone get that?

My DD 17 goes through stages, when she is in one of her argumentative moods I have learnt not to interact with her at all because all it does is wind us both up. So I just ignore her and wait for her to snap out of it herself. Sometimes that takes hours and sometimes days, thou that isnt very often thank goodness.

I do feel better talking about it here. I don't talk about her to my friends, as it feels disloyal and wrong somehow.

Yes i get compared to other peoples mums. Usually they are fun, have a laugh etc. Id bloody love to have a laugh with her but shes always trying to pick a fight. Everytime i say anything the response is negative or derogatory at best. I dont talk to my friends about it either as it feels disloyal but is also bloody embarassing. I tell my sister bits but her advice is to take this or that off her but were way past that stage i feel. I was hoping by this point id brought her up to make the right choices in terms of how to treat people and behave, she's too old for me to control that now. Shes great everywhere else, school, friends, clubs. Im always being told shes a credit to me and how great she is so i suppose ive done something right. I dont think people would believe me if i told them how foul she can be at home.

Yes. My dd has been gone for 10 months. She barely visited for the first 6 months. Things came to a head a the end of those 6 months when we had an almighty row as she was expecting a lot from us whilst treating us like something nasty she'd stepped in.

Since then she has gradually become a lot more pleasant and thoughtful and I can honestly say it was a pleasure to have her home over Christmas and I really enjoyed spending time with her.