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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How do I get my DS to go to school tomorrow after cheating on gf?

12 replies

missjacks · 06/01/2019 20:51

So my DS (16) has found himself in a ridiculous situation. It seems he has been cheating on his girlfriend and this has come out as dramatically as you can imagine it would at their NYE party! Cue phonecall at midnight demanding I pick him up as it's all gone to shit!

Anyway, it now seems that "most of year 11" hate him (I doubt this!) and he is not going back to school tomorrow. ANY ADVICE on how to get him out of this? (Sensible advice that doesn't include me dragging a 6ft teen out of bed?)

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/01/2019 20:52

Well, I'd tell him that if he doesn't go to school, you'll tell his form teacher exactly why.

Sosounhappy · 06/01/2019 20:53

Oh dear. Has he got a few friends left to hang out with

Notmyrealname85 · 06/01/2019 20:56

To apologise to his ex??! He’s still broken someone’s heart, it won’t go away until he takes responsibility

Original poster
missjacks · 06/01/2019 21:03

I mean obviously if he refuses to go I will be telling the school exactly why and asking for their help! I'm really hoping it won't get to that! He's year 11 for fuck sake.

He says he has no one but in that case I want to know why he's still on his phone 24/7 Hmm

He says he has apologised and it all got out of hand! I'm fuming at him, please don't think for a second I condone his petty bullshit

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 06/01/2019 21:04

Try and have a sensible chat with him. Point out that the longer he leaves it the worst it will get and that rumours will be flying around. Is he seriously suggesting that he never goes back to school or sees these people ever again?

He knows he will have to - you just have to make sympathetic noises and advise him to put his shoulders back, admit he was a bit of an arsehole and try and shrug it off. If he can do that this week it will be blow over far quicker. Gossip fades if there's no more excitement.

AllyPallyMally · 06/01/2019 21:04

HollowTalk - That's actually quite a good idea. I'm sure Form Teachers have seen/heard it all before and will be able to keep an eye. Especially if the girl he cheated with and the ex girlfriend are also pupils in the school. That could be where the trouble will be.

Original poster
missjacks · 06/01/2019 21:11

Yes you're right I am going to go and talk to him now. Thank you. I probably need to be more sympathetic, I'm just so angry at him for behaving like this, plus ruining my new year with it! (Selfish I know!!)

Yes girl he cheated with and ex girl all at same school in his year! So as you can imagine the girl he cheated with everyone also "hates" and he feels apparently that he cannot go back as everyone will want to "fight" him. Ex girlfriend has lots of friends that are boys etc who have turned against him. I am sure it will blow over though and as you say he simply has to go. He is saying he can't go back this week as it's all too fresh but IMO that's bull and people will then be talking about him more!

Will go and have a chat now and try and be nice! Wish me luck

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/01/2019 21:36

He has to hold his hands up and say in front of anyone that he was wrong, he was an idiot, he treated both girls badly and that he's sorry.

Original poster
missjacks · 06/01/2019 21:51

It went ok! He said he will "think about it" and see how he feels tomorrow. That isn't an outright no like it was before so I am hopeful. Plus I will bring the big guns out in the morning if he doesn't shift Wink

Just wondering do you think I should tell the school what happened even if he goes in @HollowTalk? Surely not? He will be mortified if I tell the school I reckon! Although surely if it's as big a deal as he's making it out to be, the teachers will find out!

OP posts:
Firefliess · 06/01/2019 22:41

Don't tell the school unless he wants you to. My Y11 DD was absolutely fuming when I once said something to the school (about her being upset about something) without checking with her first. It damaged her trust in me.

You could offer to speak to the school if he really is worried about other boys attacking him over what's happened. If he's frightened enough to let you do that I would take him seriously and try to be supportive. But if he doesn't want you to tell them then don't. He's got most of Y11 thinking he's a shit, I'm sure he could do without the teachers knowing too, if possible.

To help him feel that what's happened is manageable you can try to remind him that things move on fast, someone else will be hated soon, that he can probably name you plenty others who've done similar things in the past and moved on. He's 16 - relationships rarely last long and they're all just learning how to treat people.

Do they have mocks this week? (My DD does). If so, that'll take some of the focus away from it.

And yes, he shouldn't try to defend his actions, just say he was sorry, and he regrets it.

Mucky1 · 06/01/2019 22:41

As a mother of a now 24 and 19 year old I have this advice. Yes be sympathetic but get tough on him. He has to go to school head high and front it out he's I'm assumed apologised and he can't undo his mistake so now he had to own it. Absolutely front it out! Grab a friend and go for it once the first day is done it will probably blow over.

HollowTalk · 07/01/2019 14:00

No, I would have used the threat of telling of school as a reason for his absence, but actually it's nothing to do with them.

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