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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Time management/telephone

11 replies

tarowosaye · 05/01/2019 03:33

Can someone please help.
17 yrs refusing to respect boundary
Refusing to follow father's instruction
Agreed to go to bed with dad & mum 10pm because of not getting to school late next day but when it is time she is always trying to have her way by continuing to watch movies on her phone

OP posts:
starryeyed19 · 05/01/2019 03:35

Turn the WiFi off. Depending on the phone, you can add some kind of parental controls? Alternatively, you can get a box and lock it away so she can't use it.

BillywilliamV · 05/01/2019 03:36

At 17 shes so close to being an adult that unless shes disturbing you I should jist let her get on with it. 10pm is very early.

binkyblinky · 05/01/2019 03:39

They are 17, almost an adult. Making them go to bed at ten is unreasonable. They are at the age where they need to make their own decisions and mistakes in life

BillywilliamV · 05/01/2019 03:47

Good luck with trying to wrestle a phone off a 17yr old. Unless shes up till 2 in the morning every night I should let her get on with it.

halseyismyname123 · 05/01/2019 04:09

At 17 I don't think a strict bedtime is appropriate. The "agreed to go to bed at same time as mum and dad" part strikes me as quite odd. 10pm is way too early for a normal teenager. My 16 year old can go to bed any time she likes as long as she's not disturbing us in the early hours, and if she stays up too late and is affected by it the next day then I take the attitude of she is old enough to take responsibility for it and she sort it herself if she wants.

I feel slightly sorry for your DD reading this. It sounds very restrictive and simply unreasonable in today's society. She is going to be an adult in a year. If she wants to "watch movies" (seems odd for a teen to do on a phone so much...) all night then let her. If it dampens her school life then it's her mistake to realize and sort.

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 05/01/2019 04:13

At 17 she surely has a choice about school/college/work. 10pm is very unreasonable

DramaAlpaca · 05/01/2019 04:19

She's almost an adult. Pick your battles & let this one go. No good will come of extreme strictness at her age.

MarchInHappiness · 05/01/2019 08:12

That sounds a bit OTT.

Maybe at 14 they would be reasonable rules, but at 17 she can make her own decisions and she can suffer the consequences. After all she is no longer at Secondary School and old enough to leave home

BigSandyBalls2015 · 05/01/2019 09:39

Way too old for her parents to be so controlling!

RockinHippy · 05/01/2019 15:20

She's an adult practically. If she isn't disturbing you & DH, then let her be. He sounds way to controlling, she's not a baby anymore & needs to learn to self regulate, which will never happen if you insist on treating her like a baby.

I wouldn't expect this from DD at 16, yes they can push it, but a few nights of low sleep & early starts, they soon learn to be sensible & police themselves better. It's the only way they learn

Jellydee · 07/01/2019 10:04

Hi there,

We seem to be veering here from strict control to no control at all. I'd suggest a happy medium?

Perhaps discuss how any kind of screentime right up until sleep has been shown to have negative effects on sleep and in the long term, impacts on mental health (Google news 4 Jan on advice from doctors on no screens one hour before bed). Try to persuade that the screen should go off at a certain time, perhaps 11pm, to allow her to wind down in a healthy way. Perhaps say if she can't resist temptation to keep watching after that time, you could turn off the WiFi to help. If that doesn't work after a couple of weeks, just turn it off. If you don't know how, speak to your broadband provider.

If your DD thinks she'll have difficulty sleeping, suggest other activiites such as more traditional reading or listening to music as part of winding down. Perhaps quietly try to find out if there are any other reasons for the difficulty in sleeping? Is she on social media/are you sure it's films she's watching?

The idea that teens will self regulate after suffering the affects of a few nights of low sleep and should therefore be left to their own devices (excuse the pun) doesn't resonate with me. Screen usage is not a one-off or twice weekly late night, it's every night. There are many temptations in our lives and even adults need a helping hand to keep control. I'd say young people especially do.

I was given free reign as a sixth former and regularly stayed up with my boyfriend til 3am midweek. This clearly had an impact on my ability to focus, achieve and indeed stay awake at school - I used to fall asleep in lessons which in turn did my self esteem no good. Not blaming him for all that (!) but I think it would have been reasonable for my Dad to ask my boyf to leave by say 11.30 pm, after which I would likely have gone straight to bed, recouping about 4 hours a night.

Screens are both a blessing and a threat and should be used with purpose. I believe we should all be working now to establish habits around scheduled/managed usage to safeguard our health in whatever way suits our lifestyles best. Look at how founders/leaders of Snapchat, Apple, Microsoft and Twitter manage them, both for themselves and their children.

It's generally accepted that TVs in bedrooms are not a good idea because it's too tempting to watch into the early hours - are tablets/phones any different? I hated having a TV in my room even in my 20s, because I was too weak to turn it off and was permanently sleep-deprived!

Sustained lack of sleep in people of all ages is a serious concern and can lead to mental health issues so I'd definitely put some controls in there.

Apologies for length of post.

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