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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14yo crying but doesn’t know why

49 replies

BookishCat · 04/01/2019 17:26

Does anyone have any experience of a teenager crying without knowing why?

DD1 is 14 and says she occasionally cries (or feels like crying) for no reason. She says it generally happens when she’s in bed at night. I only found out about this because it happened this afternoon after I’d caught her using her tablet in her room (not allowed), but she said that the tears weren’t really about that.

I don’t know how worried to be. Maybe she is just hormonal? She is a a very well-behaved and slightly anxious girl in general. I thought she seemed generally OK so this has surprised me.

Any experience? I guess I’m hoping people will say this is normal and will pass...

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 05/01/2019 09:55

To be perverse, it seems to me tht if you can be absolutely certain she’s not pregnant, she must be having quite a restricted life for whatever reason. Does she go out independently? See friends? Go to parties?

O4FS · 05/01/2019 09:59

Completely normal.

My sons and daughter have done it.

Overwhelming hormones.

Just tell her it’s ok, give her a cuddle and spoil her a bit. Periods are probably still erratic because they haven’t settled into a regular cycle.

potatoscone · 05/01/2019 10:04

I really hope you are right OP. The crying and missing period (to the point where the next is now due, rather than a few days late) would throw huge alarm bells my way. And I mean huge bells.

I do think reading between the lines though that your DD has a very restricted life as a pp has suggested.

Trampire · 05/01/2019 10:07

I find this thread reassuring as my soon to be 14 dd had had exactly the same thing this Autumn term.

She says she's happy at school. She has a nice group of friends (although I think she wishes she was more 'noticed'. Didn't we all as teens!). She's doing well academically, does extra curricular stuff with drama etc.

She had a week in November when she just felt like crying all the time and did cry at home. That just disappeared.
In December it was similar but for less time. For dd it seemed to be just after her period. But that could be a red herring.

Dd has had lots of other health problems this term, with migraine and possible epilepsy (another thread!)....however it may reassure you OP that I've just seen a neurologist who asked a million questions and he didn't blink when I said she'd been tearful. He said that's very common for her age.

Hope she feels better soon. Year 9 is an awful time for teen girls (so all my friends tell me!)

Trampire · 05/01/2019 10:09

Oh and my dd skipped a period too at the beginning on Sept. She was definitely not pg!

Sethis · 05/01/2019 10:12

I sometimes feel/felt like this at a few times and I'm a 30+ yr old male. Sometimes you just have misc crap built up and need to vent, even if you don't know why.

potatoscone · 05/01/2019 10:12

I'm not saying the OPDD is pregnant. I'm saying it's one of several possibilities. It's one I would explore. Pp's have said the crying is normal. It wouldn't have been normal for my DD at that stage in her life and I would have been seriously worried about it.

As it happens OP is looking for people to tell her it's fine, rather than give possible explanations. I would be looking for the reason, so I could help.

O4FS · 05/01/2019 10:13

She sounds like a perfectly normal 14 year old.

It’s laughable to call you ‘incredibly naive’.

I have a 14 yo. She’s a delight, but is very happy being self contained. She has wonderful friends, a small friendship group who she adores. Periods aren’t regular, can cry randomly.

It wouldn’t even occur to me to consider pregnancy over normal teenage hormones. Maybe I’m ‘incredibly naive’ as well? (I’m not). Her life isn’t restiricted, she just chooses what she wants to do, and at the moment she chooses to stay home and rug up.

Even my sons had random spurts of tears during the hormone heavy days.

Jinglebells99 · 05/01/2019 10:19

Why is she not allowed to use her tablet in her room at 14? That’s seems a bit restrictive and controlling to me. I think it’s normal to cry and feel sad at any age. And I can also understand the being sure that my dd isn’t pregnant too :) I took my 16 year old to the dr recently and he asked her if she could be pregnant and also could we do a urine test to be sure.

InkyAndBinky · 05/01/2019 10:19

04Fs
I agree with everything you've written. 👍🏻

potatoscone · 05/01/2019 10:19

It’s laughable to call you ‘incredibly naive’.l

Is it?

You think it's some sort of a joke to explore every possible reason for a teenagers upset?

Just to be clear, I didn't post that as a dig at OP. It was a genuine possible reason for this. It happens. It happens sometimes whether the teen wants to or not. As a parent, that would be my worry.

Trampire · 05/01/2019 10:19

Well with my dd, we talked a LOT. She explained she literally had no explanation for how she felt. I asked her about school, friendships, worries, fears, anxieties.....she's was very open with me. She has little worries (blimey who doesn't!) but nothing so large that she said it would make her cry like this. My dd was more annoyed about her tearfulness more than anything. After a few days it just changed.

Dd also spoke to a couple of friends who said they sometimes feel similar.

We have had other bigger health issues this term, but like I said the Neurologist wasn't at all phased by this.

My dd is normally quite happy too so it did worry me, and I'll continue to monitor it.

O4FS · 05/01/2019 10:25

Calling someone incredibly naive is really rather unkind.

Inexperienced maybe, as we all are the first time we go through this with our children.

I think the OP was seeking reassurance, not to be put down.

potatoscone · 05/01/2019 10:29

Calling someone incredibly naive is really rather unkind.

Then I apologise to OP. It wasn't intended to be unkind.

I think the OP was seeking reassurance, not to be put down.

I didn't post to 'put the OP down'

Christ. It was a possible reason. That is all.

MummaGiles · 05/01/2019 10:35

Sounds like hormones. A few months ago I cried for absolutely no reason at all one morning at work. My boss found me in the kitchen and was really worried but there was honestly no reason for it at all, I was absolutely fine.

MotherForkinShirtBalls · 05/01/2019 10:37

For me as it a teen it was hormones and premenstrual exhaustion that cussed the tears. I was also very anxious, I still am to a lesser degree, and for various reasons I was never noticed. I didn have the vocabulary to express it so it festered and grew. Your is most likely just going through a normal phase but please keep talking to her and let her express anything deeper she may be feeling.

BertrandRussell · 05/01/2019 12:12

I think once a girl is secondary age it is a bit naive to be absolutely categorically sure that a missed period can not possibly be a pregnancy-particularly when coupled with changes in behaviour. Surely it would be in the back of your mind?

Original poster

BookishCat · 05/01/2019 13:38

Trampire and O4FS, I think your experiences sound v relevant here, thank you for sharing them. My DD is also a migraine-y sort who prefers to stay home but does have friends, and we do talk a lot. She is adamant that there is nothing worrying her and that she doesn’t understand why she is getting tearful.

Thanks to all who have shared experiences, whether their own or their DC’s.

OP posts:

MuttsNutts · 05/01/2019 13:51

I work with teenagers and as well as simple hormone changes being a huge factor, which we have always had to deal with, and could well be the reason here, modern teen pressures and in particular social media bring a whole new set of issues which, individually or combined, can trigger anxieties and feelings of inadequacy like never before.

Comparing themselves to others and worrying they are not keeping up with their peer group are very common at that age.

Keep talking to her and, more importantly, listening for clues.

TomHardysBitontheside · 21/01/2019 22:28

This sounds exactly like my DD. She is 15. She has not been herself for about a month now. Me and her Dad separated two years ago. I know she understands why we separated and that we are both happier now. But she has said she misses being a family of 4. In December she also got bad test results at school, which completely sent her confidence spiralling down. I suspect these two things and hormones have a part to play. I'm in touch with the school and they have a counsellor on site, but she won't go. It feels a bit like she's in a cycle of feeling low that she can't break and I do feel powerless. I'm hoping it will pass, but if I can get her to speak to someone who can help, she might feel better.
It's a very tough time, but it's reassuring to read that it seems to be quite common among teens.

Vagabond · 23/01/2019 15:02

My daughter suffers from self-harm and anxiety. She's been bad for 18 months. I used to think I heard laughter from her room....turns out on many occasions, it was crying.

I'm at my wits end. I truly believe that these girls suffer from using social media. I don't know how to stop it. I told my daughter that I'd taker phone away and she claimed it would make her worse not to have her phone. I don't know what to do. We are seeing a new psych tomorrow.

shadypines · 25/01/2019 19:09

Hi Bookish, have a similar DD 16yrs, can often get anxious, overthink stuff and sometimes tearful. I think her hormones have always played a part in this and it's also partly her personality, she doesn't like to socialise too much either, finds it too much effort and struggles with friendships...sorry am being interrupted in RL!

shadypines · 25/01/2019 19:34

It does sound quite normal for her age, as a trained nurse, with any sort of problem I ask myself how much does it affect daily life and activities? The answer to that is ' a lot' then obviously the problem needs addressing more urgently or if only a little it might be that it just needs keeping an eye on it. If it's mainly at night time it could be mainly tiredness too ( I get more teary when tired) and it's a good time to overthink stuff.

Also worth checking/talking about if she is seeing anything upsetting on the tablet.

Ginseng1 · 28/01/2019 21:25

My 9 year old does this time to time worries me sick. I talk it through with her she feels like crying & doesn't know why. Its always at bed time & I've know worked out its after a 'high' like after Christmas, holidays a great weekend or something which reassures me a bit it's just the anticlimax & downer we all get after hols etc. Anyway after Christmas she was down I said when I feel like that I go for a walk r a run & she agreed to join a local kids athletics club & so far loves it & on great form now. (not saying she wouldn't have cheered up anyway but do think fresh air n exercise is a great boost especially in Winter)

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