Long back story but I'll try to be brief.
DS16 has been really depressed for the last 9 months or so. I believe part of this has been caused by his DF (my exH) walking out on us to be with another woman when DS was 11yrs. At the time he was very upset and angry and refused to have any contact with his DF for almost two years. DS is the eldest of my 3 DC and his brothers were seeing their DF EOW.
Fast forward a few years and DS now has a good relationship with his DF (exH and I do not have a good relationship for obvious reasons) because I encouraged him to contact his DF and rebuild their relationship.
I am now remarried and DS has a great relationship with my DH.
DS's depression has come to a head recently. I have been supportive and have taken him to the GP, contacted school for support and have been paying for weekly counselling. DS feels this is helping.
I have had no input from the counsellor as obviously these sessions are confidential. I haven't pried and have just carried on telling my DS how much I love him and being there for him. I probably do far too much for DS and do everything for him and give him everything I can, but as a parent that's what you do isn't it?
A month ago I was asking DS why he felt so down all the time. I'll admit, I did push the issue as I was feeling so upset and helpless seeing him so down all of the time. DS eventually told me that he felt depressed because of me. He said that I make him feel unwanted and control his life. This was a massive shock to me as it couldn't be further from the truth. My son has been included on every holiday, day out, meal or activity that me and DH have ever done. Mostly whilst his DB's were at the DF's.
I told DS that maybe he should have a couple of days at his DF's to have a break from 'me' if that's how he was feeling.
DS has now been there for a month. I've contacted him and text him saying I love and miss him and asking when he's coming home numerous times, but have been ignored.
I finally got a text from DS saying he was staying at his DF's for Christmas and maybe permanently in the new year.
On Christmas Day I sent a brief text saying Merry Christmas etc. My son didn't reply. I sent another text a few days ago asking if we could work things out and apologising for anything I'd done to upset him, but again heard nothing.
Today, my DH rang exH to try and get to the bottom of things. Apparently my DS has decided he staying at his dads permanently and refuses to talk to me. I don't even know what I'm supposed to have done to cause all of this. I still have all DS's Christmas presents wrapped up at home but he won't see me for me to give them to him.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. I love my DS so much and honestly can't understand where this has come from. I know exH will be making things worse for me and promising DS the world if he stays there, but I can't believe how selfish DS is being and how he can't hurt me like this when I've genuinely done nothing. I literally spend all my free time running around after DS and his friends and giving him everything.
So as not to drip feed, I do think there is a girl involved in this. DS has never had a girlfriend. A couple of months ago he invited a girl that he'd met at a party around to our home. They spent the day watching DVD's in DS's room. When the girl left DS had a love bite on his neck. I'll admit I did hit the roof slightly. DS hasn't been brought up like that and I told him how disappointed I was. I said he wasn't to bring the girl around again as she was totally disrespectful to us and our home. DS wasn't happy about this and told the girl what I'd said (I told him not to). I've found out today via exH that DS is still seeing this girl and exH is allowing her to visit with DS as his home. I think maybe she's having a hand in DS not coming home.
I don't know what to do and I feel completely helpless. I'm not even sure why I'm posting tbh but I would welcome any advice.
Thank you for reading if you've made it this far. Sorry it's so long.