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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

What do I do with teen at weekends??

42 replies

cakedup · 14/12/2018 22:28

When DS, now 13, was younger, I used to take him out and about everywhere. We live in London and had easy access to parks, theatres, attractions, events, museums, exhibitions etc.

We are in a bit of a funny in between phase at the moment. He isn't quite there yet with making his own arrangements with friends to go anywhere. But he is becoming less impressed with going anywhere with me.

If it was down to him, he'd play Fortnite 24-7 and so I still feel I need to make the effort at weekends to make sure he gets a bit of fresh air, exercise (or movement at least!) and just experience real life. But here I am spending money and time on taking him out when he'd rather not be there at all.

Tomorrow for example, I have offered to take him to the cinema (which I'd combine with a walk along the Thames and coffee/cake somewhere), and even then he was like "meh, whatever." So I'm thinking, am I really going to spend £25 on cinema tickets watching a film of his choice when he's not even bothered or doesn't make him happy??

Or do I just make him go out on his bike to get a bit of exercise and then leave him to it for the rest of the day and I just get on with something I enjoy?!

What with the xmas hols coming up, I normally have lots of days out planned but just not sure how to go about it this year.

Experienced mums of teens please advise!

OP posts:

4point2fleet · 16/12/2018 10:26

Although I appreciate my DS's future partner may feel this way....

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse · 16/12/2018 10:35

I have a 17yo and an occasionally visiting 13 yo. I can still find things they want to do but it's not every weekend and it's mostly on their terms.

The older one has always agreed to walks (we live in a beautiful part of the country) but only if they end with cake or roast dinner.

The younger one will go on days out if they are to visit animals.

Both will come out for shopping

They will both agree to activities e.g. go ape or kayaking but they are expensive so we only do them occasionally.

It's a transition phase but I think it's a good idea to try to do something with him every few weeks just to keep things in common. I'm an expert on the Marvel Universe because cinema trips were all I could manage with dd for a couple of years

sayatidaknama · 16/12/2018 14:16

Well done for getting him up and out OP. Going for a run is great. Does he like cycling? ime 13/14 is a really trying age. We were in Rome when one of mine was this age and he missed seeing pretty much everything because he couldn't be arsed and we got fed up of nagging him. It gets better: he's now a late teen and up for most things and will even walk next to me in the street, rather than trailing 10 metres behind with his hood up!!

ChoudeBruxelles · 16/12/2018 14:21

Ds is nearly 13. I’ve made him take the dogs for a walk with me this morning. He’s been in his room since we got back. I’m taking him to a cadets activity in about half an hour.

Sometimes he’s happy to do things with me. Other times I think he’d rather stick pins in his eyes.

isitmee · 16/12/2018 14:40

My ds is 13 and is exactly the same, doesn't want to hang around with me now. I've let him spread his wings this past year and he has amazed me, goes on the train and bus with friends, goes for lunch, the beach, cinema, bike rides etc but he is very sociable, plays rugby and has a lot of friends. But what I have done is combine pocket money with commitment to rugby/school work and from time to time when I say it's family time he has to suck it up and oblige. He now voluntarily comes places with me as he knows how much freedom and respect he now has from me. But I do enforce the fact that freedom and pocket money come with the price of commitment to his hobby and respect for family time, it works for us

JustDanceAddict · 16/12/2018 14:49

yumsy no better at 14 I’m afraid - I am grunted at daily if I dare suggest he ‘does something less boring instead...’ but he is going to gym shortly. His weekends are all based around online gaming or chatting. It’s frustrating as he does have friends but none seem to be willing to get off their arses enough.
I was the one who mentioned DofE - I need to find him a volunteering opportunity now. His one for bronze was only a short-lived scheme. Thx for reminder. Will try and set something up where he’s out for a couple of hours on the weekend. His skill will still be his instrument and his physical, ideally a group thing too.
We are talking about what he should do after his GCSEs in the summer and he’s poo-poo’ed the two things most young people do here so far! Thankfully it’s about a year before we have to decide but I’m
Not having him online all day!

Original poster

cakedup · 17/12/2018 22:45

sayatidaknama I remember when my dad took us to Paris when I was 14. In almost every single photo I look as though I'm having the worst time ever! Everyone else in the photo is smiling, waving, thumbs up etc.
He used to like cycling but is off that as well at the moment. My DS walks ahead of me with his hood up. It's quite fun when I speed up because then he has to walk faster.

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse yes I am a Marvel expert also, have spent the last several years watching them all at the cinema. That's why I was surprised when he wasn't even bothered about going to the cinema last weekend. DS likes Go Ape too - but again, it's finding someone to go with. He has no siblings, his cousins are a lot younger than him and his friends just can't get it together. Shopping is probably his least favourite activity which suits me as I can now shop in peace!

4point2fleet what you say about 'social capital' is great in theory but not all children are the same, and not everyone parents the same way.
I've suggested many social activities but I'm just not going to force him into anything. I was forced into hobbies when I was younger, none of which have given me 'social capital' as an adult and it just defeats the object of having a hobby. I discovered hobbies I loved much more later on in life.

OP posts:

Wearywithteens · 17/12/2018 23:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 18/12/2018 04:15

I applaud you @cakedup for wanting to reach out and spend time with your son.

Its so important to walk with children through their teenage years ... people think they need you less as they get older , but they often need you more.

Even if he does spend his time walking ahead with his hood up, he will look back and remember and see that you were there the whole time , as opposed to just taking the easy way out and leaving him to fortnite 24/7.

Original poster

cakedup · 18/12/2018 18:22

Wearywithteens I'm not actually saying he should get dragged to lame museums. I'm just navigating this new phase he is entering. It's kind of life changing...my weekends have basically been about him for the last 13 years. I'm happy that he is getting more independent but I'm still responsible for his health and well being so just wanting to get a balance.

Awww IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls that is a really lovely post. I know a lot of parents have 121 teen time when they are chauffering them around. I don't drive, but manage this in other ways. For example, he is getting a haircut this weekend. We'll walk there (the long way round!) and he can walk ahead and listen to his music which is fine, or he can talk to me. On the way back I'll suggest popping into the coffee shop, and it's fine if he doesn't, I never make a big thing of it. But you've reminded me; it's important that the offer is always there.

OP posts:

KingscoteStaff · 22/12/2018 08:05

I think the problem is that the social life often develops out of the activities. So this weeekend, DS is going to the cinema with some boys from his rugby team, and is playing in a concert, after which he and a bunch of other players are going to a party. DD is going Christmas shopping (at Poundland) with 2 girls from her netball team and then spending Sunday volunteering at the stables (very social as well as active).

They are not always going to firm a social group from their school friends, so it’s good if you can ensure they have a couple of other groups where they can make acquaintances who may develop into friends.

yumsy · 22/12/2018 13:38

Update!! DS has been 14 for 5 days and is still 'mehing'!

junebirthdaygirl · 22/12/2018 14:12

I wouldn't let him spend all day on gaming. Otherwise he would have freedom to do what hwe liked. They will never choose another activity with you over fortnight. But once theyre off an hour boredom might make cinema or cake feel more important. So you cant force him to like your suggestions but you can, for his own good, force him off the computer. Maybe find him a job to do around the house. Or say you can game again later as l'm baking so lets go put now.
Its not easy with that age guy.

sushiforever · 23/12/2018 11:29

I find that if I bring a friend of hers along for the day then she's in a better mood and we end up getting more quality time together.

Biologifemini · 23/12/2018 11:33

Teens need their parents more than little ones.
Teens need protecting from viewing dodgy shit and thinking twist happens online is in any way real life or normal.
Leaving kids online gaming for hours on end isn’t good for their physical health - and I doubt mental health either.

somewhereovertherain · 23/12/2018 11:38

Both ours got a Saturday job at 13 and still both do it now. One plays Rugby on a Sunday and the other has rangers and rugby during the week.

eddiemairswife · 23/12/2018 12:13

I would not have wanted to hang around with my mother at his age. Just let him be.

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