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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Does your teenager talk to you?

23 replies

Jumblyhead · 12/12/2018 14:43

My 16 year old son is such hard work, I just don't know what to do to get him to communicate. Grunts for hello, plenty of conversation via text when we are not together. Him and his sister (11) don't really get on either. He doesn't socialise often, doesn't have a partner, loves school and studying. I just want to know if he's unhappy or how to get him to open up more. He's fine at school and with friends, in fact, teachers rave about how mature and chatty he is. Help!

OP posts:

Chewbecca · 12/12/2018 15:12

It is hard! In the car is our best location for chats. We have dinner together daily and DH and I chat but he zones out usually.

sonlypuppyfat · 12/12/2018 15:15

DS is 19 and doesn't stop for breath, every thought that comes into his head he has to share. He's the funniest person I know. DD is 17 and talks to me about everything, I'm very lucky

italiancortado · 12/12/2018 15:18

Sometimes he never shuts up. Other times you only see him when he is hungry. Weird things teenagers.

Peridot1 · 12/12/2018 15:26

No. Well not much. If he wants something usually. I’m assured he will grow out of it. I bloody hope so!

Although he and I are going to London for the weekend to see a play and do some touristy wandering around stuff. He’d better talk then!

Original poster

Jumblyhead · 12/12/2018 16:57

I'm sure they do grow out of it. Don't think I could handle a surly 30 something. Sometimes it looks like it's more effort to look that miserable than to just be a bit brighter.
I wasn't a fun teenager. Perhaps it's karma!

OP posts:

lljkk · 13/12/2018 05:20

yes, 2/3 do. not perfect comms, but I learn a lot about their lives. Youngest never stops talking, anyway.

I know all the naughty things middle teen does & her friends do... other parents crack down & punish with the info, I'm trying to guide DD thru the maze of bad choices, instead. I'll be the parent who knows first about the secret pregnancy & other problems the other kids are terrified to take to their own parents.

The eldest (1/3) says a lot less. He talks more honestly since he moved out. We have different politics & he wants privacy. Deep down I think this one is as dependent on me emotionally as the others, but he needs his space. That said, I know a fair bit about him, too.

WhatHaveIFound · 13/12/2018 17:00

My DS is nearly 14 and is not overly chatty. He'll tell me bits of news from school but nowhere near the volume that DD does. Nor does he instigate text conversations.

I find he's better when DH/DD aren't around as he has to fill the empty space.

PenelopeFlintstone · 15/12/2018 11:09

One does a lot but one barely does at all.

AdelaideK · 15/12/2018 11:11

Mine is 15 and he never shuts up.

pointythings · 15/12/2018 20:50

Yes, mine both do. But as a family we have been through a lot of crap culminating in them losing their dad last summer through the consequences of alcohol addiction, so we have been pulling together as a unit of 3 for quite some time now. I've been very lucky, they could so easily have gone the other way.

corythatwas · 15/12/2018 23:37

we have been going through a lot of crap together, too, and have been pulling together, but the effect on ds (the youngest) is that he has become very reluctant to open up about any of his own problems; only found out recently that he is seeing a doctor for depression (he is old enough to make his own appointments)

he told me he felt we had been through so much with his sister that he didn't want to lay this on us

he is always pleasant but not generally very communicative

HollowTalk · 15/12/2018 23:45

I found watching TV series and films with mine helped, also journeys where they didn't have to look at me.

llangennith · 15/12/2018 23:51

When DS was that age all phone conversations with his friends consisted of grunts, the occasional chuckle and 'bye'. Friends' parents said the same. How they ever managed to arrange meet ups over the phone we never knew.
He told me nothing about school but fortunately his sister was a year younger and very communicative.
He still doesn't tell me much.

BrokenWing · 25/12/2018 11:41

I take mine out for something to eat every 2-3 weeks, just the two of us, usually pizza Hut and have shared starters, main and dessert so we are there for ages. He knows not to have his phone out while eating/at dinner table so we actually talk. Find it is much better 1-1 than 2-1 when dh is there.

BackforGood · 26/12/2018 00:24

I think it's a phase. Most go through it, it affects them at different ages.

I'd try to get involved in either taking him somewhere (chatting in the car is less confrontational as you aren't facing each other), or some hobby he has - ds and I chat about football for example.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/12/2018 09:06

Our youngest has just started talking to us again after about 4 yrs of not. He’s just turned 18.
Older one (20) never stops talking and wanting to share stuff with us but he also went through a phase - much earlier - about 12/13/14 of being distant and not wanting to be with us.
Strange entities are teenagers.

APositiveMind · 26/12/2018 09:11

Both me and my brother were exactly the same when younger. He was vile to me and had no interest in sharing anything with mum.
I'm now 22, he's 25. We get on like a house on fire, we have mutual friends so often go drinking together and always texting gossip, we have a group chat with our mum and she's basically become our ring leader, we talk to her about anything and everything. Don't worry he's just young! But be open minded when he does talk.

Tomatoesand · 26/12/2018 14:30

Same here OP. Ds is also good in school, teachers love him, but doesn’t share anything.
I know he’s content because I hear him sing in the shower.

Parky04 · 28/12/2018 16:27

My DS was exactly the same at that age. He is now 17 and is a lovely lad. He even iniates conversations!!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/12/2018 16:34

My 20 and 18 year old dses don’t talk much, never have. Ds2 would talk in the car, and now talks if I initiate it but doesn’t often start a conversation. My 22 year old talks to me about everything, including intimate subjects like sex and drugs.

In our family the two that don’t talk much are both gamers, and the chatty one isnt. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it.

notacooldad · 28/12/2018 16:42

Mine never shut up.
One is now 22 and the other is 19 but they have always been chatty.
Ds2 in particular talks about everything from politics, religion, current affairs, what him and his mates are up to etc. He us funny and engaging.
Ds1 isn't as forthcoming but we all chat and socialise.
I was expecting them to quieten down once they hot to High School but they never did.
They are good company to have around.

worriedmum03 · 29/12/2018 16:21

Mine does when she wants something!

WickedGoodDoge · 29/12/2018 23:02

DS(16) does but like others, he’s best in the car. He’s also good for random funny chats via Messenger. I’ll send him a funny link or ask what invariably ends up being a stupid question (I may have asked him just last week if the Klingons in Dr Who were called that because they “cling on” to things. It was just a random thought that popped into my head and yes, I now know it was all sorts of wrong, but that sort of thing really gets him going).

DD(13), on the other hand, would generally rather pull her fingernails out one by one than willingly talk to me. I’m hoping she grows out of this!

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