Stubborn yr 11 son

5 replies

wowwowwowwow · 05/12/2018 16:35

My son is in year 11 and has gone from hero to zero at school. At the end of year 9 he was predicted a grade 7 for his GCSE and he has just got a 2+ in his mock. I can't get through to him how these exams will impact his entire life. He says that he is fed up of the pressure and had a terrible teacher in yr 11 so threw the towel in. I'm trying to get him to work at home of 1 1/2 hours on his subjects to catch up but it's really difficult. Some days he's a star and other days just impossible. He spends a couple of hours at the gym every day and that is his whole social life. I'm really stressed that he will fail. What can I do?

OP posts:

kshaw · 05/12/2018 16:40

Not telling him he's worth zero may be a good place to start...

Original poster

wowwowwowwow · 05/12/2018 16:45

That's an expression. I never ever put him down, and I'm very careful not to ever make him feel worthless or to be negative towards him. I was describing his schoolwork to others on an internet forum, which is clear from the post.

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gingerandsmall · 05/12/2018 17:15

If some days he's brilliant and others he's impossible, maybe on those days he's feeling overwhelmed.

Does he have plans for after his GCSEs (sixth form etc.)? I know I got a lot more enthusiastic about getting good grades once I'd found a sixth form I loved. If he hasn't got firm plans, maybe he's scared about finishing school and is trying to forget about it by ignoring the work he has to do?

What's his executive function like? Is he good at planning his time for himself? If he's got lots to do but doesn't know where to start, it'll make it harder for him to do any of it. If he is struggling with organisation, is there someone at school who can go through this with him?

If you think it's genuinely just that he doesn't realise the importance of these exams, maybe get him looking at entry criteria on UCAS/requirements on job adverts now to really bring it home to him how much the rest of his life depends on what he does now.

Good luck OP x

kshaw · 05/12/2018 17:25

Your whole post comes across so negative but if you say you aren't then fair enough. If he's brilliant on some days I'd work with that and reward it - maybe a different gun class or climbing lesson etc it he does 4/7 days study etc or along those lines. Too much pressure is obviously having a negative effect so piling more on will alienate him further. Does he have a plan for after GCSEs? If needs grades to get in set that as reachable aim?

Original poster

wowwowwowwow · 05/12/2018 18:04

I'm really trying not hard not to be negative with him. I have sat down and gone through a revision plan with him so that we can tackle different subjects that he is struggling with and he starts enthusiastically but then drifts off again .

Someone advised me to stop him from going to the gym but I do not want to take away something he is so passionate about. I'm resolved never to nag him so I think I will take the softly softly approach until Christmas and use the holiday time to go through his options for the future and also to find some rewards for his work.

I know that he will realise the importance of all this at some point but I can only hope that it's not too late. I very much aware that if someone wants to make a change they cannot really be persuaded to do so and they must find their own drive to change, which is why nagging is always ineffective.

Thanks for the tips x

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